Mine was adult-onset, too. My son's was from birth. Mine is moderate to
severe, my son's is severe.

We're both quite religious about reading labels, making certain that we eat
nothing with any dairy-derived content. We strive to avoid most
kosher-dairy items that have no dairy ingredients listed, but succumb
to  the occasional cookie, knowing that there's some small risk of
contamination from the dairy equipment.

In restaurants, we're as careful as we can be. We ask lots of questions,
and both my son and I have learned how to gauge whether the server seems to
understand the questions and be reliable with answers. We've learned not to
trust answers such as "I don't think so" or "That shouldn't have any dairy
in it." For those who say "I'll ask the chef" and come back with specific
answers, we go ahead with caution. If all goes well, we tip higher than
normal. For those who don't give us high confidence, we ask - very kindly -
to talk to a manager or the chef, apologizing but saying that we want to
prevent a trip to the ER - or worse.

So far, things have gone pretty well for us. Only a couple of reactions,
none terribly severe.

We are careful to avoid places that are just trouble - French and Italian
restaurants - unless we have had time at off-hours to have a conversation
directly with the kitchen about the restrictions and whether they can be
safely accommodated.

There's always risk. We always carry our "life support kits." We've had
many good meals and only a few situations. The situations were worth it.

After the worst of the situations, we contacted the restaurant's corporate
headquarters and talked to them. After they were relatively certain that we
didn't want to sue them, they listened to our suggestions. Both we and they
wanted there not to be repeats. Or worse. Recently we went into the same
restaurant; when we said we were allergic to dairy, they sent out a manager
to make sure our order was handled properly. When the computer-printed bill
came to the table, it stated: Pizza, no cheese; allergy verbal confirm. My
16-year-old son looked at it and knew that we had played a role in that.
The look on his face was priceless - there's nothing quite as validating as
that experience.

Good luck,

Mark