>I've been firm
>about letting her be like any other 4-year-old and not staying at the
>party to watch over her. She's very aware of her food limitations and I
>think it's important to let her start taking some responsibility for
>herself.
>

While I agree that you should communicate to her that she should only eat
"safe" foods, a four-year-old cannot be expected to fully grasp the
importance of this, or the risks of not obeying. If she's had enough
reactions, she'll be able to understand at some level the importance. She
won't though, be capable of reliably reminding the parent serving the
goodies not to, for example, use the same knife on her food. With the
proper instructions to the host parent, and with the EpiPen on hand, the
risks are somewhat lower. But you are taking a risk. Serious reactions need
immediate attention. The time it takes to find a phone, get instructions,
etc, can be critical.

We waited until Josh was older (6?) before we left him alone at a party.
That's not to say that we were in the room making him feel self-conscious,
but we were within ready reach if needed. We always carry a pager in case
of emergencies.