Thanks Ebou for this funny dose of laughter. I guess this is just to make us
laugh or is it true? I hope not.

Saul


>From: Ebou Secka <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list
><[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: FW: MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
>Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 06:21:57 GMT
>
>Guys and Gals, please enjoy this set of policies. They might help in better
>managing our offices and businesses.
>
>
>>Subject:       MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
>>
>>MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
>>NEW COMPANY POLICIES: SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE
>>We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
>>If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>
>>SURGERY:
>>Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here,
>>you need all your organs. You should not consider removing
>>anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed
>>constitutes a breach of employment.
>>
>>BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
>>This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
>>for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be
>>made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
>>In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should
>>be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
>>through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided
>>your
>>share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.
>
>>YOUR OWN DEATH:
>>This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks
>>notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.
>>REST ROOM USE:
>>Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the
>>future,we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
>>For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10,
>>employees whose names being with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on.
>>If
>>you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the
>>next day when your time comes again.  In extreme emergencies employees may
>>swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing
>>must
>>approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time
>>limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will
>>sound,
>>the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door open.
>
>>PAYCHECK GUIDE:
>>The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees
>>better understand their paychecks:
>>Item Amount
>>Gross pay $1,222.02
>>Income tax $244.40
>>Outgo tax $45.21
>>State tax $11.61
>>Interstate tax $61.10
>>County tax $6.11
>>City tax $12.22
>>Rural tax $4.44
>>Back tax $1.11
>>Front tax $1.16
>>Side tax $1.61
>>Up tax $2.22
>>Down tax $1.11
>>Tic-Tacs $1.98
>>Thumbtacks $3.93
>>Carpet tacks $0.98
>>Stadium tax $0.69
>>Flat tax $8.32
>>Surtax $3.46
>>Corporate tax $2.60
>>Parking fee $5.00
>>F.I.C.A. $81.88
>>T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95
>>Life insurance $5.85
>>Health insurance $16.23
>>Dental insurance $4.50
>>Mental insurance $4.33
>>Reassurance $0.11
>>Disability $2.50
>>Ability $0.25
>>Liability $3.41
>>Unreliability $10.99
>>Coffee $6.85
>>Coffee Cups $66.51
>>Floor rental $16.85
>>Chair rental $0.32
>>Desk rental $4.32
>>Union dues $5.85
>>Union don'ts $3.77
>>Cash advance $0.69
>>Cash retreats $121.35
>>Overtime $1.26
>>Undertime $54.83
>>Eastern time $9.00
>>Central time $8.00
>>Mountain time $7.00
>>Pacific time $6.00
>>Time Out $12.21
>>Oxygen $10.02
>>Water $16.54
>>Heat $51.42
>>Cool air $26.83
>>Hot air $20.00
>>Miscellaneous $113.29
>>Sundry $12.09
>>Various $8.01
>>Net Take Home Pay $0.02
>
>>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide
>>a positive employment experience. All questions, comments,
>>concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
>>insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
>>consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.
>>Have a nice week.
>
>________________________________________________________________________
>Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L
>Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html
>You may also send subscription requests to
>[log in to unmask]
>if you have problems accessing the web interface
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------

________________________________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L
Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html
You may also send subscription requests to [log in to unmask]
if you have problems accessing the web interface
----------------------------------------------------------------------------