Sulayman,
    this piece made my day after a rough day at work and I think it did the
same thing you too.

Thanx
Ebou Secka


>From: sulayman jobarteh <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list
><[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: FW: MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
>Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 14:41:10 GMT
>
>Thanks Ebou for this funny dose of laughter. I guess this is just to make
>us
>laugh or is it true? I hope not.
>
>Saul
>
>
>>From: Ebou Secka <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list
>><[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: FW: MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
>>Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 06:21:57 GMT
>>
>>Guys and Gals, please enjoy this set of policies. They might help in
>>better
>>managing our offices and businesses.
>>
>>
>>>Subject:       MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
>>>
>>>MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
>>>NEW COMPANY POLICIES: SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE
>>>We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
>>>If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>>
>>>SURGERY:
>>>Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here,
>>>you need all your organs. You should not consider removing
>>>anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed
>>>constitutes a breach of employment.
>>>
>>>BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
>>>This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
>>>for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be
>>>made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
>>>In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
>>>should
>>>be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
>>>through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided
>>>your
>>>share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.
>>
>>>YOUR OWN DEATH:
>>>This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two
>>>weeks
>>>notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.
>>>REST ROOM USE:
>>>Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the
>>>future,we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
>>>For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10,
>>>employees whose names being with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on.
>>>If
>>>you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the
>>>next day when your time comes again.  In extreme emergencies employees
>>>may
>>>swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing
>>>must
>>>approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time
>>>limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will
>>>sound,
>>>the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door open.
>>
>>>PAYCHECK GUIDE:
>>>The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees
>>>better understand their paychecks:
>>>Item Amount
>>>Gross pay $1,222.02
>>>Income tax $244.40
>>>Outgo tax $45.21
>>>State tax $11.61
>>>Interstate tax $61.10
>>>County tax $6.11
>>>City tax $12.22
>>>Rural tax $4.44
>>>Back tax $1.11
>>>Front tax $1.16
>>>Side tax $1.61
>>>Up tax $2.22
>>>Down tax $1.11
>>>Tic-Tacs $1.98
>>>Thumbtacks $3.93
>>>Carpet tacks $0.98
>>>Stadium tax $0.69
>>>Flat tax $8.32
>>>Surtax $3.46
>>>Corporate tax $2.60
>>>Parking fee $5.00
>>>F.I.C.A. $81.88
>>>T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95
>>>Life insurance $5.85
>>>Health insurance $16.23
>>>Dental insurance $4.50
>>>Mental insurance $4.33
>>>Reassurance $0.11
>>>Disability $2.50
>>>Ability $0.25
>>>Liability $3.41
>>>Unreliability $10.99
>>>Coffee $6.85
>>>Coffee Cups $66.51
>>>Floor rental $16.85
>>>Chair rental $0.32
>>>Desk rental $4.32
>>>Union dues $5.85
>>>Union don'ts $3.77
>>>Cash advance $0.69
>>>Cash retreats $121.35
>>>Overtime $1.26
>>>Undertime $54.83
>>>Eastern time $9.00
>>>Central time $8.00
>>>Mountain time $7.00
>>>Pacific time $6.00
>>>Time Out $12.21
>>>Oxygen $10.02
>>>Water $16.54
>>>Heat $51.42
>>>Cool air $26.83
>>>Hot air $20.00
>>>Miscellaneous $113.29
>>>Sundry $12.09
>>>Various $8.01
>>>Net Take Home Pay $0.02
>>
>>>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide
>>>a positive employment experience. All questions, comments,
>>>concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
>>>insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
>>>consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.
>>>Have a nice week.
>>
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