‘O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into
nations and tribes,that you may know one another. Verily, the most
honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa [i.e. he
is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]. Verily, Allaah is All-Knowing,
All-Aware’

[al-Hujuraat 49:13]

Question:
I am a 18 yrs old girl who had been asked in marriage 5 times so far, and I
have refused all of them becuase I was young ... however, now am considering
marriage ... so my question is what should I look for to have a good muslim
husband? and what are the most important things ...  jazak allah khair


Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

We appreciate your eagerness to find out the attributes which will help you
to choose a righteous husband, in shaa Allaah. There follows a description
of the most important qualities which should be present in the man whom you
choose or accept to be your husband and the father of your children, if
Allaah decrees that you will have children.

Religious commitment. This is the most important thing to look for in the
man you want to marry. The husband should be a Muslim who adheres to all the
laws and teachings of Islam in his daily life. The woman’s guardian (wali)
should strive to check out this matter and not rely only on outward
appearances. One of the most important things to ask about is the man’s
prayer (salaah); the one who neglects the rights of Allaah is more likely to
neglect the rights of others. The true believer does not oppress or mistreat
his wife; if he loves her, he honours her, and if he does not love her, he
does not mistreat or humiliate her. It is very rare to find this attitude
among those who are not sincere Muslims. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meanings):

“and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater),
even though he pleases you” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

“Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has
At-Taqwaa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]” [al-Hujuraat 49:13]

“Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good
people for good statements (or good men for good women)” [al-Noor 24:26]

The Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases
you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if
you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan
al-Tirmidhi, 1084).

As well as being religiously committed, it is preferable that he should come
from a good family and a known lineage. If two men come to propose marriage
to one woman, and they are equal in terms of religious commitment, then
preference should be given to the one who comes from a good family that is
known for its adherence to the commands of Allaah, so long as the other
person is not better than him in terms of religious commitment – because the
righteousness of the husband’s close relatives could be passed on to his
children and his good origins and lineage may make him refrain from many
foolish and cheap actions. The righteousness of the father and grandfather
are beneficial to the children and grandchildren. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town; and there
was under it a treasure belonging to them; and their father was a righteous
man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full
strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord” [al-Kahf
18:82].

See how Allaah protected their father’s wealth for the two boys after the
father died, as an honour to him because of his righteousness and taqwaa. By
the same token, if the husband comes from a righteous family and his parents
are good, Allaah will make things easy for him and protect him as an honour
to his parents.

It is good if he has sufficient wealth to keep him and his family from
having to ask people for anything, because the Prophet  (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays (may Allaah be pleased
with her), when she came to consult him about three men who had proposed
marriage to her, “As for Mu’aawiyah, he is a poor man who has no wealth…”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1480). It is not essential that he should be a
businessman or rich, it is sufficient for him to have an income that will
keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything. If there is
a choice between a man who is religiously committed and a man who is
wealthy, then the religious man should be given preference over the wealthy
man.

It is preferable that he should be kind and gentle towards women, because
the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah
bint Qays, in the hadeeth quoted above, “As for Abu Jaham, his stick never
leaves his shoulder”, referring to the fact that he used to beat women a
lot.

It is good if he is sound of body and healthy, free of faults, sickness,
etc., and not disabled or sterile.

It is preferable that he should have knowledge of the Qur’aan and Sunnah; if
you find someone like this it is good, otherwise you should realize that
this is something rare.

It is permissible for the woman to look at the man who comes to propose
marriage, and for him to look at her. This should be in the presence of her
mahram, and it is not permitted to look more than is necessary, or for him
to see her alone, or for her to go out with him on her own, or to meet
repeatedly for no reason.

According to Islam, the woman’s wali (guardian) should check on the man who
proposes marriage to the woman who is under his guardianship; he should ask
those whom he trusts among those who mix with him and who know him, about
his commitment to Islam and his trustworthiness. He should ask them for an
honest opinion and sincere, sound advice.

Before and during all of this, you must turn towards Allaah and pray to Him
to make it easy for you and help you to make a good choice and to grant you
wisdom. Then after all these efforts, when you have decided on a particular
person, you should pray Istikhaarah, asking Allaah for that which is good.
For more details on Salaat al-Istikhaarah,(see below), Then after you have
done your utmost, put your trust in Allaah, for He is the best of helpers,
may He be glorified.

Adapted from Jaami’ Ahkaam al-Nisaa’ by Shaykh Mustafaa al-‘Adawi.

We ask Allaah, the Exalted, the Powerful, to make things easy for you, to
help you make a wise choice, and to bless you with a righteous husband and
good offspring, for He is Able to do all that. May Allaah bless our Prophet
Muhammad.

Question:
Assalam alaikum. How do I pray salat al-istikhara, at what times , and are
there special dua that I can read for different cicumstances?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The description of Salaat al-Istikhaarah was reported by Jaabir ibn
‘Abd-Allaah al-Salami (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said:

“The Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used
to teach his companions to make istikhaarah in all things, just as he used
to teach them soorahs from the Qur’aan. He said: ‘If any one of you is
concerned about a decision he has to make, then let him pray two rak’ahs of
non-obligatory prayer, then say: Allaahumma inni astakheeruka bi ‘ilmika wa
astaqdiruka bi qudratika wa as’aluka min fadlika, fa innaka taqdiru wa laa
aqdir, wa ta’lamu wa laa a’lam, wa anta ‘allaam al-ghuyoob. Allaahumma fa in
kunta ta’lamu haadha’l-amra (then the matter should be mentioned by name)
khayran li fi ‘aajil amri wa aajilihi (or: fi deeni wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati
amri) faqdurhu li wa yassirhu li thumma baarik li fihi. Allaahumma wa in
kunta ta’lamu annahu sharrun li fi deeni wa ma’aashi wa ‘aaqibati amri (or:
fi ‘aajili amri wa aajilihi) fasrifni ‘anhu [wasrafhu ‘anni] waqdur li
al-khayr haythu kaana thumma radini bihi (O Allaah, I seek Your guidance [in
making a choice] by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue
of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, I have
none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things. O
Allaah, if in Your knowledge, this matter (then it should be mentioned by
name) is good for me both in this world and in the Hereafter (or: in my
religion, my livelihood and my affairs), then ordain it for me, make it easy
for me, and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge it is bad for me and
for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs (or: for me both in this world
and the next), then turn me away from it, [and turn it away from me], and
ordain for me the good wherever it may be and make me pleased with it.”

(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6841; similar reports are also recorded by
al-Tirmidhi, al-Nisaa’i, Abu Dawood, Ibn Maajah and Ahmad).

Ibn Hijr (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on this hadeeth:

“Istikhaarah is a word which means asking Allaah to help one make a choice,
meaning choosing the best of two things where one needs to choose one of
them.

Concerning the phrase ‘The Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) used to teach us to make istikhaarah in all things,’ Ibn
Abi Jamrah said: ‘It is a general phrase which refers to something specific.
With regard to matters that are waajib (obligatory) or mustahabb (liked or
encouraged), there is no need for istikhaarah to decide whether to do them,
and with regard to matters that are haraam (forbidden) or makrooh
(disliked), there is no need for istikhaarah to decide whether to avoid
them. The issue of istikhaarah is confined to matters that are mubaah
(allowed), or in mustahabb matters when there is a decision to be made as to
which one should be given priority.’ I say: it refers to both great and
small matters, and probably an insignificant issue could form the groundwork
for a big issue.

The phrase ‘If any one of you is concerned…’ appears in the version narrated
by Ibn Mas’ood as: ‘if any one of you wants to do something…’

‘Let him pray two rak’ahs of non-obligatory prayer.’ This is mentioned to
make it clear that it does not mean fajr prayer, for example. Al-Nawawi said
in al-Adhkaar: He can pray istikaarah after two rak’ahs of regular sunnah
prayer done at zuhr for example, or after two rak’ahs of any naafil prayers
whether they are regularly performed or not… It seems to be the case that if
he made the intention to pray istikhaarah at the same time as intending to
pray that particular prayer, this is fine, but not if he did not have this
intention.

Ibn Abi Jamrah said: The wisdom behind putting the salaat before the du’aa’
is that istikhaarah is intended to combine the goodness of this world with
the goodness of the next. A person needs to knock at the door of the King
(Allaah), and there is nothing more effective for this than prayer, because
it contains glorification and praise of Allaah, and expresses one's need for
Him at all times.

The phrase ‘then let him say’ would seem to imply that the du’aa’ should be
said after finishing the prayer, and the word thumma (then) probably means
after reciting all the words of the salaat and before saying salaam.

The phrase ‘O Allaah, I seek Your guidance by virtue of Your knowledge’ is
explaining ‘because You know best.’ Similarly, ‘by virtue of Your power’
most likely means ‘seeking Your help.’ ‘I seek ability’ (astaqdiruka) means
‘I ask You to give me the power or ability (qudrah) to do’ whatever is being
asked for, or it probably means ‘I ask You to decree (tuqaddir) this for
me.’ So it may mean making it easy.

‘I ask You of Your great bounty’ refers to the fact that Allaah gives out of
His great generosity, but no one has the right to His blessings. This is the
opinion of Ahl al-Sunnah.

‘You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not’ refers to the fact
that power and knowledge belong to Allaah alone, and the slave has no share
of them except what Allaah decrees for him.

‘O Allaah, if in Your knowledge this matter…’ According to one report, he
should mention it by name. It is apparent from the context that he should
state it, but it is probably sufficient to be thinking of the matter whilst
making this du’aa’.

‘Then ordain it for me’ means ‘make it happen for me’ or it may mean ‘make
it easy for me.’

‘Then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it’ means ‘so that my
heart will no longer feel attached to it after it has been turned away.’

‘Make me pleased with it’ means ‘make me content with it, so that I will
never regret asking for it or be sorry that it happened, because I do not
know how it will turn out, even if at the time of asking I am pleased with
it.’

The secret is that one’s heart should not be attached to the matter in
question, because that will result in a person becoming restless. Being
pleased with something means that one’s heart is content with the decree of
Allaah.

(Summarized from the commentary of al-Haafiz Ibn Hijr (may Allaah have mercy
on him) on the hadeeth in Saheeh al-Bukhaari, Kitaab al-Da’waat and Kitaab
al-Tawheed.).


Question:
I have been talking to a guy that I have very stong feelings for, and now we
are thinking of taking it to another level which is marriage. THe only
problem is that my parents dont agree. They feel that he is not worth of me
and they feel that he will not treat me right! They have no valid reason
other than the fact that alot of times they see us arguing bas it's normal.
I really love this guy and I am scared that when he comes and ask's for me
my parents wont agree. What is the quaran's ruling on this?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is not permissible for a woman – whether she is a virgin or previously
married – to get married without the permission of her guardian.
Secondly:

The family – customarily and usually – is able to know what is best for
their daughter and who is best suited to marry her, because usually girls
have little knowledge and experience of life and what is best for them, and
they may be deceived by some nice words, and be ruled by their hearts rather
than by their heads.

Hence a girl should not go against her family’s opinion, if they are known
for their religious-commitment and wisdom. But if a woman’s guardians reject
husbands for no valid reason, or if their criteria for choosing a husband
are not acceptable by the standards of sharee’ah – such as if they prefer a
rich evildoer over one who is religiously committed and of good character –
then it is permissible for the girl to refer the matter to the qaadi
(sharee’ah judge) to annul the guardianship of the one who is not letting
her get married, and pass that role to someone else. But this is not
applicable in this case, because what is stopping the family from agreeing
to this husband is what they think is in the best interests of their
daughter, and this has to do with the character and attitude of the husband.

Thirdly:

The things that lead to love between a young man and a young woman may be
things that are not Islamically acceptable, such as mixing, being alone
together, speaking, exchanging pictures, and so on. If this is the case then
a woman should realize that she has done something haraam, and this is not
the standard by which the man’s love for her should be measured. For usually
at this stage the man shows his best side and makes his behaviour look as
good as possible, so he can win the girl’s heart and get what he wants.  If
what he wants is haraam, then she will be like a victim for the wolf and
will lose the most precious thing that she possesses after her religion. If
what he wants is permissible – namely marriage – then he has gone about it
in a way that is not permissible. Moreover, she may get a shock when she
sees his attitude and how he treats her after marriage. This is the fate of
many wives.

So the family has to make a good choice for their daughter. They should find
out more about the husband, and they should not judge a person on the basis
of heated discussion that may be justifiable. What matters is the man’s
attitude and religious commitment. The family should also remember the words
of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “We do not think
there is anything better for two who love one another than marriage.”
(Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and
al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624.

The girl has to obey her family, for they know best what is in her best
interests, and all they want is for her to be happy with a husband who will
respect her and give her her rights.

And Allaah knows best.

Question:
What exactly constitutes a guardian, as is needed in the nikkah ceremony. I
am a female Muslim, and I want to know if my older brother is acceptable for
this role.


Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

There are three pillars or conditions for the marriage contract in Islam:

Both parties should be free of any obstacles that might prevent the marriage
from being valid, such as their being mahrams of one another (i.e., close
relatives who are permanently forbidden to marry), whether this relationship
is through blood ties or through breastfeeding (radaa’) etc., or where the
man is a kaafir (non-Muslim) and the woman is a Muslim, and so on.

There should be an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee or the person
who is acting in his place, who should say to the groom “I marry so-and-so
to you” or similar words.

There should be an expression of acceptance (qabool) on the part of the
groom or whoever is acting in his place, who should say, “I accept,” or
similar words.

The conditions of a proper nikaah (marriage contract) are as follows:

Both the bride and groom should be clearly identified, whether by stating
their names or describing them, etc.

Both the bride and groom should be pleased with one another, because the
Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No
previously-married woman (widow or divorcee) may be married until she has
been asked about her wishes (i.e., she should state clearly her wishes), and
no virgin should be married until her permission has been asked (i.e., until
she has agreed either in words or by remaining silent).” They asked, “O
Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given (because she will feel very
shy)?” He said: “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4741)

The one who does the contract on the woman’s behalf should be her walee, as
Allaah addressed the walees with regard to marriage (interpretation of the
meaning): “And marry those among you who are single…” [al-Noor 24:32] and
because the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any
woman who marries without the permission of her walee, her marriage is
invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by
al-Tirmidhi, 1021 and others; it is a saheeh hadeeth)

The marriage contract must be witnessed, as the Prophet  (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage contract except
with a walee and two witnesses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh
al-Jaami’, 7558)

It is also important that the marriage be announced, as the Prophet  (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported
by Imaam Ahmad; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1027)

The conditions of the walee are as follows:

He should be of sound mind

He should be an adult

He should be free (not a slave)

He should be of the same religion as the bride. A kaafir cannot be the walee
of a Muslim, male or female, and a Muslim cannot be the walee of a kaafir,
male or female, but a kaafir can be the walee of a kaafir woman for marriage
purposes, even if they are of different religions. An apostate (one who has
left Islam) cannot be a walee for anybody.

He should be of good character (‘adaalah – includes piety, attitude,
conduct, etc.), as opposed to being corrupt. This is a condition laid down
by some scholars, although some of them regard the outward appearance of
good character as being sufficient, and some say that it is enough if he is
judged as being able to pay proper attention to the interests of the woman
for whom he is acting as walee in the matter of her marriage.

He should be male, as the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “No woman may conduct the marriage contract of another woman, and
no woman can conduct the marriage contract on behalf of her own self,
because the zaaniyah (fornicatress, adulteress) is the one who arranges
things on her own behalf.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh
al-Jaami’, 7298)

He should be wise and mature (rushd), which means being able to understand
matters of compatibility and the interests of marriage.

The fuqahaa’ put possible walees in a certain order, and a walee who is more
closely-related should not be ignored unless there is no such person or the
relatives do not meet the specified conditions. A woman’s walee is her
father, then whoever her father may have appointed before his death, then
her paternal grandfather or great-grandfather, then her son, then her
grandfathers sons or grandsons, then her brother through both parents (full
brother), then her brother through her father, then the sons of her brother
through both parents, then the sons of her brother through her father, then
her uncle (her father’s brother through both parents), then her father’s
brother through the father, then the sons of her father’s brother though
both parents, then the sons of her father’s brother through the father, then
whoever is more closely related, and so on – as is the case with
inheritance. The Muslim leader (or his deputy, such as a qaadi or judge) is
the walee for any woman who does not have a walee of her own.

And Allaah knows best.

Question:
What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an arranged marriage?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on what came before it. If
the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allaah
or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which
results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the
result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other.

If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for
him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except
marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We
do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another
than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by
al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah:

The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love
one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than
two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love
cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage.  If
there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow
stronger every day.”

But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love
relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one
another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because
they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built
their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and
support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even
though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling
in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.

Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will
be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will
think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone
else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the
fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts
may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could
possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it
unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did
something wrong with her.

So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin
their relationship sooner or later.

The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship
with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will
cause their relationship to deteriorate.

Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital
relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.

With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they
are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the
woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to
marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and
successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated
from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at
her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by
al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)

But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the
husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to
failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of
interest usually is not stable.

And Allaah knows best.

Question:
It is permissible for Muslim men to marry women who are not Muslim, so why
are Muslim women not permitted to marry men who follow a religion other than
Islam?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.
It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a woman from among the People of
the Book, a Jewish or Christian woman, but not a woman from any other
religion, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Made lawful to you this day are At-Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful)
foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals,
milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle,
eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is
lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are
chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given
the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given
their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of
marriage)…”

[al-Maa’idah 5:5]

This refers to chaste women from among the People of the Book, not immoral
women. It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a mushrik who is
not a Muslim, no matter what his religion is. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):

“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikoon till they
believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a
(free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon)
invite you to the Fire…”

[al-Baqarah 2:221]

And because Islam should prevail and not be prevailed over, as is stated in
the religion of Islam.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr

It is known that the man is the stronger party and the one who dominates the
lives of the family, his wife and children. So it is not wise for a Muslim
woman to marry a kaafir man who will dominate her life and the life of her
children, the consequences of which will be very serious, as there is the
possibility that he may divert her from her religion and raise the children
in his own religion.

And Allaah knows best.


Question:


I have a question for my friend. She is 17 years old and they just moved
here from their home country and her guardians and mum want her to marry her
cousin who lived in their same house back home but this girl really refuses
to marry him because she dislikes for some reason and she is begging and
crying in front of her mother not to make her marry him. This girl is saying
she will not be happy with him
My question is does any girl have the RIGHT to say no for her marriage if
she does not like the man? This girl is Islamic and going to school and she
doesn't know anybody to talk to but she really doesn’t want to marry him and
her mother is utterly pressuring her by telling her she will die and she
will be destroyed if she doesn’t marry this guy and her mother is telling
her that nobody will marry her because she is not beautiful and rich.
Sorry it was long question but please reply me as soon as possible.

Answer:

Al-hamdu lillah (praise be to Allah). This situation about which this sister
is asking is a common one and occurs often as a result of a clash of desires
between parents and their daughter. It could be for a benefit or interest
the mother or father sees and the young woman doesn’t, and each regards the
issue from a different perspective or with a particular consideration. And
perhaps the opinion of the parents is the appropriate and correct one as a
result of their prior trials and longer experience in life, and perhaps the
woman sometimes looks to the appearance of the groom more than anything
else, whereas the parents may look to other considerations, such as his
family status, or his long-term career or employment. Of course none of this
means that the woman’s opinion isn’t sometimes more correct and preferable,
particularly when the opinion of the parents stems from a benefit they may
realize if the marriage is accomplished, and they do not actually make the
priority their daughter who is the most important thing in this issue. And
while being vigilant in advising you of the importance of obeying one’s
parents and struggling with oneself to realize their wishes and desires and
giving their opinion the priority, the point must clearly be made that the
following two hadeeth from the Prophet  (peace be upon him) must be abided
by and carried out, as within them are the complete answer to your question
and questions from others in similar situations:

The first hadeeth:

If he whose character and deen (practice of religion) pleases you,
approaches you in marriage, then marry him, for if you don’t, their will be
fitna in the land and vast corruption. (Tirmidhi and others, see Sunan
Tirmidhi #1085 and it is hassan (reliable) as per Sahih ul-Jaami’ #270).
(“fitna” here can be understood to refer to the temptation for fornication,
enmity and the cutting off of relations among the people and relatives, and
the spreading of hatred)

The second:

Buraida (may Allah be pleased with him) said that a young woman came to the
Prophet  (peace be upon him) and said, “My father married me to his
brother’s son (i.e. her cousin) in order to raise his standing among the
people,” so the Prophet  (peace be upon him) put the matter in her hands
(i.e. asserted that the validity of the marriage is conditioned on her
approval and negated by her refusal). So she said, “I authorize and endorse
what he has done but I wanted women to know that fathers cannot force their
will in these matters.”

And it was narrated by Nisaa’I via Abdullah ibn Buraida via Aa’isha that a
young woman came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son
in order to raise his standing among the people and I am unwilling (to agree
to it)”, so she said, “Sit until the Prophet  (peace be upon him) comes.” So
the Prophet  (peace be upon him) came and she informed him of the situation,
so he sent for her father and invited him (over) and asserted that the
matter is in the bride’s hands. So she said, “Oh Prophet of Allah I have
authorized and endorsed what my father has done, but I wanted to know if
women had a say in the matter or not.” (Sunan al-Nisaa’I, Kitaab al-Nikaah
min Sunanihi and it is sahih).

I ask Allah for you success and guidance to that in which there is blessings
for you and your family, and may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon
our Prophet Muhammad  .


Question:
I am 21 year old muslim. I do want to get married soon. I especially want to
get Married to someone who is older than me(e.g.somebody about 7 years
older). Is There anything 'wrong' in wanting to do this? I know that the
prophet's 1st wife was About 15 years older than him. However, people might
think my preference is a little odd. After all, it does not happen much
nowadays

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Age does not matter, and it does not matter if the woman is older or if the
husband is older. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
married Khadeejah when she was forty and he was twenty-five. What does
matter is that the man should look for a righteous woman who is
religiously-committed, even if she is older than him, if she is still young
enough to bear children. The point is that age should not be a problem and
such a marriage is not wrong if the man is righteous and the woman is
righteous. May Allaah guide us all to the best way.

Summarized from the fatwa of Shaykh Ibn Baaz in Fataawa Islamiyyah, part 3,
p. 107


Question:
Is it true that our beloved prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) has strongly forbidden to marry iligitimate person even though this
person is very pious?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

There are some ahaadeeth that condemn the illegitimate child, but most of
these ahaadeeth are da’eef (weak) and are not saheeh (sound). It was
narrated by Abu Dawood in his Sunan (4/39) and by Ahmad in al-Musnad (2/311)
from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophets (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The illegitimate child is the
most evil of the three” meaning more evil than his parents. Among the
scholars who classed this as hasan were Ibn al-Qayyim in al-Manaar al-Muneef
(133) and al-Albaani in al-Silsilat al-Saheehah (672).

The scholars interpreted this hadeeth in a number of ways, the most famous
of which was that suggested by Sufyaan al-Thawri, who said: it means he is
the most evil of the three if he does the same action as his parents did
(i.e., zina or adultery).

This was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah, who said that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is the most evil of the three  if
he does the same action as his parents did – meaning the illegitimate
child.” Although its isnaad is da’eef, it was interpreted in this manner by
the salaf, as stated above.

This interpretation is supported by the report narrated by al-Haakim (4/100)
– with an isnaad of which al-Albaani said, “It may be regarded as hasan” –
from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The illegitimate child does not bear
any part of his parents’ burden of sin. ‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear
the burden of another’ [al-An’aam 6:164 – interpretation of the meaning].”
(al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 2186)

Some scholars said that this hadeeth is to be interpreted as meaning that
there is some evil in most illegitimate children because they are created
from an evil nutfah (sperm drop), and usually nothing good is created from
an evil nutfah. If a good soul comes out of this nutfah then it will enter
Paradise. This hadeeth is to be taken as a general rule to which there may
be exceptions. (See al-Manaar al-Muneef, 133).

Hence Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “If
an illegitimate child believes and does righteous deeds, he will enter
Paradise, otherwise he will be punished for his deeds just like anyone else.
The punishment is for the deeds, not for the lineage. Rather the
illegitimate child is condemned because he is expected to do evil deeds, as
often happens. By the same token, good lineages are regarded as praiseworthy
because such people are expected to do good deeds. But when a person does a
deed, then the reward or punishment is based on that, and the most noble of
people before Allaah are those who are most pious. (al-Fataawa al-Kubra,
5/83).

It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah: “If an illegitimate child dies in
Islam (as a Muslim), he will enter Paradise, and his being illegitimate does
not have any effect on that, because that was not due to his own actions,
rather it was the action of someone else. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):

‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another’

[al-An’aam 6:164]

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

‘Every person is a pledge for that which he has earned’

[al-Toor 52:21]

And there are other similar verses.

With regard to the words narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him), ‘No illegitimate child will enter Paradise,’ this
hadeeth is not saheeh. It was mentioned by al-Haafiz Ibn Jawzi in
al-Mawdoo’aat, but it is one of the ahaadeeth that were fabricated against
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). And Allaah is the
Source of strength.”

With regard to the ruling on marrying one who is illegitimate, none of the
reputable fuqaha’ have stated that this is haraam. However there was some
difference of opinion among the Hanbalis as to whether such a person is
compatible with a woman of good lineage. Some of them said that he is
compatible with her, and othesr did not agree with that because that will be
a source of shame for the woman, because he will be her guardian, and that
would also affect her child. (See al-Mughni, 7/28).

(al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 34/282).

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about a man who
married his daughter to a person who was apparently illegitimate – what was
the ruling on that? He answered as follows:

“If he is Muslim, then the marriage is sound, because the sin of his mother
and the one who committed zina with her does not rest on him. Allaah says
‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another’ [al-An’aam 6:164
– interpretation of the meaning].  And there is no shame on him because of
their action, if he adheres steadfastly to the religion of Allaah and
develops good characteristics, because Allaah says

‘O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into
nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most
honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa [i.e. he
is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]. Verily, Allaah is All-Knowing,
All-Aware’

[al-Hujuraat 49:13]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, when he
was asked who is the most noble of people, ‘Those who are most pious.’ And
he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If a person’s actions
make him less worthy than others, his lineage will not make him more
worthy.’”

From Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/166.

And Allaah knows best.


Question:
What is the validity of a marriage in this situation: A man has a sexual
relationship with a woman. The relationship results in a pregnancy. When the
pregnant is in the third month they get married. The couple repent for the
relationship, and continue to live as husband and wife for another 20 years
or so as good muslims and they have 5 children in total. Some scholars
referring to Aya 3 of Surat Noor say the marriage is void. Please advice. If
it is Void is there a way of making it Halaal I will appreciate it highly if
.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Your wife’s brother can assume the (wali) position. If there is not a
brother then an uncle would do. He second eldest son would also do, if he is
an adult. In the absence of all of these, an Islamic judge or the head of
the Islamic center can renew the contract. You don’t have to tell anyone
about the reason. You can say that you just want to renew it because you
don’t feel good about the first one. Publicity is not needed at all.

The marriage contract is void because it was made without fulfilling its
necessary conditions. One of these conditions is the readiness of the womb.
This means that the woman whom is to get married must have her womb
unoccupied. For example, a man may not marry a woman who is pregnant. He may
not marry a woman who was divorced until she is out of her idd’ah (a period
where a widow or a divorced woman may not marry). Also a man may not marry a
woman he has been having intercourse with until they both repent and she
gets her monthly period. This is a sign that her womb is clean. In your
case, the marriage contract must be renewed. This is not a difficult thing
to do. The first boy is not Islamicly your son, as he was not created in his
mother’s womb through a valid marriage contract. Some scholars say he is not
to be called after you as he is born out of adultery. He is to be called
after his mother’s family. He is not to inherit you and you are not to
inherit him. As for the remaining children, they are yours and they carry
your name. Other scholars, such as Ibn Taymiyah and Ibn AlQayyim say that if
the woman is not married at the time of committing adultery, then the
adulteress father may give his name to this boy and that he may be treated
as his son. In your case, this last opinion may be the most suitable for you
and your family. Yet you must renew your marriage contract at any Islamic
center, and Allah knows best.

With the very best of good wishes,
Musa Amadu Pembo
Glasgow,
Scotland
UK.
[log in to unmask]
Da’wah is to convey the message with wisdom and with good words. We should
give the noble and positive message of Islam. We should try to emphasize
more commonalities and explain the difference without getting into
theological arguments and without claiming the superiority of one position
over the other. There is a great interest among the people to know about
Islam and we should do our best to give the right message.
May Allah,Subhana Wa Ta'Ala,guide us all to His Sirat Al-Mustaqim (Righteous
Path).May He protect us from the evils of this life and the hereafter.May
Allah,Subhana Wa Ta'Ala,grant us entrance to paradise .
We ask Allaah the Most High, the All-Powerful, to teach us that which will
benefit us, and to benefit us by that which we learn. May Allaah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala grant blessings and peace to our Prophet Muhammad and his family
and
companions..Amen.


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