Thanks for the answer. This is very interesting, and it seems very
practical. Much more practical than the media here in the US, and I'm sure
other places would have one believe...
Anyway, thanks for the information. Take care, all.
Ginny
----- Original Message -----
From: "Momodou Camara" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2000 3:09 PM
Subject: Islam - Marriage and Divorce
> Ginny,
> Here is an answer to your question concerning Islamic Marriage and
divorce.
>
>
> In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
>
> Marriage and Divorce
>
> One of the most distorted concepts of Islam is the real meaning of
marriage.
> In addition to the brief statement made earlier in this survey, a few more
> remarks may be useful. Marriage in Islam is not a business deal
negotiated by
> two partners, nor is it a secular contract whereby material benefits and
> obligations are evaluated in contrast to one another. It is something
solemn,
> something sacred, and it would be erroneous to define it in simply
physical or
> material and secular terms. Moral charity, spiritual elevation, social
> integrity, human stability, peace and mercy constitute the major elements
of
> marriage. It is a contract to which God Himself is the First Witness and
the
> First Party; it is concluded in His Name, in obedience to Him and
according to
> His ordinances. It is a decent human companionship, authorized and
supervised
> by God. It is a Sign of His blessings and abundant mercy as He clearly
says in
> the Qur'an (30:21).
>
> It is evident, therefore, that marriage in Islam is a means of
permanent
> relationship and continuous harmony not only between man and woman but
also
> between those and God. It is also clear that when two Muslims negotiate a
> marriage contract, they have every intention to make it a lasting success,
for
> good or for bad, for better or for worse.
> To insure this result, Islam has laid down certain regulations to give
every
> possible assurance that marriage will serve its purpose fully. Among
these
> regulations are the following:
>
> 1. The two parties should acquire a fair knowledge of each other in a
way that
> does not involve any immoral or deceptive and exploitative behavior.
>
> 2. Man in particular is exhorted to choose his female partner on the
basis of
> her permanent values, i.e., religious devotion, moral integrity,
character,
> etc., and not on the basis of her wealth or family prestige or mere
physical
> attractions.
>
> 3. Woman is given the right to make sure that the proposing man is
> a suitable match, worthy of her respect and love, and capable of making
her
> happy. On this ground, she may reject the proposal of a man whom she
finds
> below her level or unfit, because this may hinder the fulfillment of her
> obligations as a wife and may even break her would-be marriage.
>
> 4. Woman has a right to demand a dowry from her suitor according to her
> standards and also according to his means. If she wishes to disregard
this
> right and accept him with a little or no dowry, she may do so. The
injunction
> of dowry on man is to assure the woman that she is wanted, needed, and
that the
> man is prepared and willing to undertake his responsibilities, financially
and
> otherwise. Dowry is also a symbolic gesture indicating that the woman
will be
> secure, and that the man is not looking for any material gains as his
motive
> for entering the marriage. It draws the clear lines between what each
party
> should expect and not expect of the other.
>
> 5. Marriage should be made public and celebrated in a most joyful manner.
The
> free consent of both parties is an essential condition without which
marriage
> is not valid.
>
> 6. Every marriage, in order to be legal, must be witnessed by two adults
and
> registered in official documents.
>
> 7. Complete maintenance of the wife is the husband's duty. She is
entitled to
> that by virtue of marriage. If she happens to have any property or
> possessions, that will be hers before and after marriage; the husband has
no
> right whatsoever to any portion or share of his wife's property. This is
to
> restrict marriage to its noble purposes and disentangle it from all
unworthy
> objectives.
> With all these measures, it can be seen that Islam has given all possible
> assurances to make marriage a happy companionship and a solid foundation
of
> continuous harmony and permanent peace. But in view of the fact that
human
> behavior is changeable and sometimes unpredictable, Islam takes a
realistic
> outlook on life and makes allowances for all unexpected events. Marriage,
as
> has been said, has decent and noble purposes which must be fulfilled.
Islam
> does not accept or recognize any marriage which is not functional and
> effective. There can be no nominal or idle marriage. There must be a
> successful marriage or no marriage at all. Marriage is too solemn a
contract
> to be stationary or non-effective. So if it does not serve its purpose or
> function properly, it may be terminated by divorce with conservation of
all
> rights of the parties concerned. This is because there is no point in
keeping
> a nominal and worthless contract, and to save human kind from being tied
by
> vows which cannot be honored.
>
> When the Islamic marriage, which is based on the said regulations
and governed
> by the said precautions, does not function properly, there must be some
very
> serious obstacles in the way, something that cannot be overcome by
> reconciliation. In a situation like this, divorce is applicable.
However, it
> is the last resort because it is described by the Prophet as the most
> detestable of all lawful things in the sight of God. But before taking
this
> final and desperate step, some attempts must be made in the following
order:
>
> 1. The two parties involved must try to settle their disputes and
solve their
> problems between themselves.
>
> 2. If they fail, two arbitrators, one from the husband's relations
and the
> other from the wife's, must be commissioned to try to make peace between
them
> and settle their differences.
>
> 3. If this attempt also fails, divorce might be applied.
>
> In applying divorce to such a difficult situation, Islamic Law
> requires that it should be agreed upon by both parties, and grants each of
them
> the right of seeking divorce. It does not confine the right of divorce to
the
> man only or to the woman alone. Both can exercise this right. If either
one
> of the two parties does not feel secure or happy with the other who
arbitrarily
> refuses to grant divorce, and if the demand of divorce is found
justifiable,
> the court must interfere and help the wronged party to obtain a divorce.
It is
> the duty of the Law administrators to see to it that all rights are
preserved
> and that harm is minimized.
>
> After the divorce takes place, there is a waiting period normally
three to
> twelve months - during which the divorcee is completely supported and
> maintained by her former husband. She cannot marry another man before the
> expiration of this period. The waiting period is another chance for both
to
> reconsider their attitudes in a more serious manner and deliberate on the
> reflections of their separation. If they desire during that period to
reunite,
> they are permitted to do so. In fact, they are encouraged to reunite
because
> separation in this way usually helps them appreciate one another more.
When
> the waiting period expires, the divorcee is free to marry another man.
They
> are no longer obligated to one another.
>
> Should there be a reunion between the divorcee and her former
husband, their
> marriage will be just like a fresh one. If their relations do not
improve,
> they can resort to the same solution of divorce, after which they may
reunite
> by a new marriage in case they so desire. But if this second reunion does
not
> succeed, then a final divorce may be applied.
>
> By allowing divorce in the first place, Islam declares its policy
> that it cannot tolerate unhappy, cold and stagnant marriages which are
much
> more harmful than divorce. By making it twice, one after the other, with
the
> choice of the parties to reunite, it offers every conceivable chance to
make
> marriage effective and purposeful. Here, Islam is prepared to tackle all
kinds
> of problems and cope with all situations. It does not endanger marriage
by
> allowing divorce. On the contrary, it insures it by the very same
measure, for
> the wrong person would know that the wronged one can free himself or
herself
> from injustice and harm by divorce. By realizing that marriage is binding
only
> as long as it is functional and successful, both parties would do their
utmost
> to make their marriage fulfilling before doing anything that might affect
the
> continuance of marriage. It makes each party careful in choosing the
other
> partner before marriage and in treating that partner afterwards.
>
> When Islam makes divorce obtainable by mutual consent or by the
interference
> of the court on behalf of the wronged party, it stands firmly on guard for
> morality and human dignity. It does not force a person to suffer the
injustice
> and harm of an unfaithful partner. It does not drive people to immorality
and
> indecency. It tells them this: either you live together legally and
happily or
> else you separate in a dignified and decent way. What is morally and
humanly
> most remarkable about Islam in this respect is that it does not force any
> person to lower his or her dignity and degrade his morality just to obtain
a
> divorce. It is not necessary for a Muslin to "separate" from his or her
> partner some years before divorce can be granted. Nor is the granting of
> divorce conditional on adultery. "Separation" as endorsed by many systems
can
> and certainly does involve immoral and indecent actions. In case of
> "separation" of this kind the person can neither enjoy his rights nor
fulfill
> his obligations of marriage. He or she is officially married, but how
much
> does he enjoy married life? He is tied as tightly as can be, yet he is
loose
> that no restrictions can affect him. He cannot get a divorce or remarry,
but
> is there any legal limit to his scope of extramarital relationships? He
can
> move with whomever he likes unchecked and unrestricted. These are things
which
> happen every day and need no elaboration. "Separation" of this kind might
help
> someone to finally get a divorce, but how costly it is to morality and how
high
> the price is for society to pay! This is something that Islam can never
accept
> or endorse, because it would violate the whole system of moral values
which
> Islam cherishes.
>
> Considering the case of adultery and its endorsement by some
systems as a
> basis for divorce, we can only say this: it is so humiliating to human
dignity
> and detrimental to morality that a person should commit adultery or
pretend to
> have committed it to obtain a divorce. The viewpoint of Islam on adultery
has
> been already stated above. What happens, however, in most cases is this:
> people are not divorced because they have committed adultery or pretend to
have
> committed it, but they commit adultery or pretend it in order to obtain
divorce
> decrees, which are not granted otherwise. What a reverse and disgraceful
> course in human relations!
>
> This is the stand of Islam on the matter. If divorce has to be obtained
as a
> last resort, it must be granted with dignity and due respect. When Islam
is
> applied to married life, there will be no room for "separation" or
"adultery"
> as bases for divorce. Nor will there be that easy Hollywood-type divorce,
> which sprang as an extreme reaction to an extreme rigidity. Any system
dealing
> with humai nature has to be realistic and moderate, making allowances for
all
> circumstances with preparedness to cope with all conditions. Else, it
would be
> self-destructive and groundless, a state of which Islam is absolutely free
(see
> Qur'an, 2:224-232; 4:34-3-5; 4:127-130).
>
> One final remark will conclude this discussion. In virtually
every known
> society and religion, there are ways to terminate any marriage. The
divorce
> rates in the industrialized world are rapidly rising and divorce laws are
> increasingly liberalized. However, divorce in Islam remains a remarkable
moral
> act. Mates are commanded by God to be kind and patient and are reminded
of how
> one may dislike something in one's mate in which God has placed much good
and
> virtue. They are assured of God's help if they mean well and stay
together.
> But if they must part by divorce, it is to be sought without intent of
injury
> or harm. If they part gracefully and honorably, God assures them of
enrichment
> of His all-reaching bounty. The whole marital context, from beginning to
end,
> is centered around and oriented to the belief in God. The verses dealing
with
> divorce are not dry legal stipulations; they commence and conclude with
moral
> exhortations of a high order. The moral commitments of the parties extend
far
> beyond the divorce date. Indeed, the entire question is so incorporated
into a
> highly moral system that divorce is rightly regarded as a moral act in the
> main.
>
> source: Islam In Focus by Hammudah Abdalati
>
> regards,
> Momodou Camara
>
> http://home3.inet.tele.dk/mcamara/
> ***********
> "None has the right to be woshipped except Allaah, alone, without partner.
> To Him belongs all sovereignty and praise and he is over all things
> omnipotent"
> ***********
>
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