Ginny,
Here is an answer to your question concerning Islamic Marriage and divorce.
In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Marriage and Divorce
One of the most distorted concepts of Islam is the real meaning of marriage.
In addition to the brief statement made earlier in this survey, a few more
remarks may be useful. Marriage in Islam is not a business deal negotiated by
two partners, nor is it a secular contract whereby material benefits and
obligations are evaluated in contrast to one another. It is something solemn,
something sacred, and it would be erroneous to define it in simply physical or
material and secular terms. Moral charity, spiritual elevation, social
integrity, human stability, peace and mercy constitute the major elements of
marriage. It is a contract to which God Himself is the First Witness and the
First Party; it is concluded in His Name, in obedience to Him and according to
His ordinances. It is a decent human companionship, authorized and supervised
by God. It is a Sign of His blessings and abundant mercy as He clearly says in
the Qur'an (30:21).
It is evident, therefore, that marriage in Islam is a means of permanent
relationship and continuous harmony not only between man and woman but also
between those and God. It is also clear that when two Muslims negotiate a
marriage contract, they have every intention to make it a lasting success, for
good or for bad, for better or for worse.
To insure this result, Islam has laid down certain regulations to give every
possible assurance that marriage will serve its purpose fully. Among these
regulations are the following:
1. The two parties should acquire a fair knowledge of each other in a way that
does not involve any immoral or deceptive and exploitative behavior.
2. Man in particular is exhorted to choose his female partner on the basis of
her permanent values, i.e., religious devotion, moral integrity, character,
etc., and not on the basis of her wealth or family prestige or mere physical
attractions.
3. Woman is given the right to make sure that the proposing man is
a suitable match, worthy of her respect and love, and capable of making her
happy. On this ground, she may reject the proposal of a man whom she finds
below her level or unfit, because this may hinder the fulfillment of her
obligations as a wife and may even break her would-be marriage.
4. Woman has a right to demand a dowry from her suitor according to her
standards and also according to his means. If she wishes to disregard this
right and accept him with a little or no dowry, she may do so. The injunction
of dowry on man is to assure the woman that she is wanted, needed, and that the
man is prepared and willing to undertake his responsibilities, financially and
otherwise. Dowry is also a symbolic gesture indicating that the woman will be
secure, and that the man is not looking for any material gains as his motive
for entering the marriage. It draws the clear lines between what each party
should expect and not expect of the other.
5. Marriage should be made public and celebrated in a most joyful manner. The
free consent of both parties is an essential condition without which marriage
is not valid.
6. Every marriage, in order to be legal, must be witnessed by two adults and
registered in official documents.
7. Complete maintenance of the wife is the husband's duty. She is entitled to
that by virtue of marriage. If she happens to have any property or
possessions, that will be hers before and after marriage; the husband has no
right whatsoever to any portion or share of his wife's property. This is to
restrict marriage to its noble purposes and disentangle it from all unworthy
objectives.
With all these measures, it can be seen that Islam has given all possible
assurances to make marriage a happy companionship and a solid foundation of
continuous harmony and permanent peace. But in view of the fact that human
behavior is changeable and sometimes unpredictable, Islam takes a realistic
outlook on life and makes allowances for all unexpected events. Marriage, as
has been said, has decent and noble purposes which must be fulfilled. Islam
does not accept or recognize any marriage which is not functional and
effective. There can be no nominal or idle marriage. There must be a
successful marriage or no marriage at all. Marriage is too solemn a contract
to be stationary or non-effective. So if it does not serve its purpose or
function properly, it may be terminated by divorce with conservation of all
rights of the parties concerned. This is because there is no point in keeping
a nominal and worthless contract, and to save human kind from being tied by
vows which cannot be honored.
When the Islamic marriage, which is based on the said regulations and governed
by the said precautions, does not function properly, there must be some very
serious obstacles in the way, something that cannot be overcome by
reconciliation. In a situation like this, divorce is applicable. However, it
is the last resort because it is described by the Prophet as the most
detestable of all lawful things in the sight of God. But before taking this
final and desperate step, some attempts must be made in the following order:
1. The two parties involved must try to settle their disputes and solve their
problems between themselves.
2. If they fail, two arbitrators, one from the husband's relations and the
other from the wife's, must be commissioned to try to make peace between them
and settle their differences.
3. If this attempt also fails, divorce might be applied.
In applying divorce to such a difficult situation, Islamic Law
requires that it should be agreed upon by both parties, and grants each of them
the right of seeking divorce. It does not confine the right of divorce to the
man only or to the woman alone. Both can exercise this right. If either one
of the two parties does not feel secure or happy with the other who arbitrarily
refuses to grant divorce, and if the demand of divorce is found justifiable,
the court must interfere and help the wronged party to obtain a divorce. It is
the duty of the Law administrators to see to it that all rights are preserved
and that harm is minimized.
After the divorce takes place, there is a waiting period normally three to
twelve months - during which the divorcee is completely supported and
maintained by her former husband. She cannot marry another man before the
expiration of this period. The waiting period is another chance for both to
reconsider their attitudes in a more serious manner and deliberate on the
reflections of their separation. If they desire during that period to reunite,
they are permitted to do so. In fact, they are encouraged to reunite because
separation in this way usually helps them appreciate one another more. When
the waiting period expires, the divorcee is free to marry another man. They
are no longer obligated to one another.
Should there be a reunion between the divorcee and her former husband, their
marriage will be just like a fresh one. If their relations do not improve,
they can resort to the same solution of divorce, after which they may reunite
by a new marriage in case they so desire. But if this second reunion does not
succeed, then a final divorce may be applied.
By allowing divorce in the first place, Islam declares its policy
that it cannot tolerate unhappy, cold and stagnant marriages which are much
more harmful than divorce. By making it twice, one after the other, with the
choice of the parties to reunite, it offers every conceivable chance to make
marriage effective and purposeful. Here, Islam is prepared to tackle all kinds
of problems and cope with all situations. It does not endanger marriage by
allowing divorce. On the contrary, it insures it by the very same measure, for
the wrong person would know that the wronged one can free himself or herself
from injustice and harm by divorce. By realizing that marriage is binding only
as long as it is functional and successful, both parties would do their utmost
to make their marriage fulfilling before doing anything that might affect the
continuance of marriage. It makes each party careful in choosing the other
partner before marriage and in treating that partner afterwards.
When Islam makes divorce obtainable by mutual consent or by the interference
of the court on behalf of the wronged party, it stands firmly on guard for
morality and human dignity. It does not force a person to suffer the injustice
and harm of an unfaithful partner. It does not drive people to immorality and
indecency. It tells them this: either you live together legally and happily or
else you separate in a dignified and decent way. What is morally and humanly
most remarkable about Islam in this respect is that it does not force any
person to lower his or her dignity and degrade his morality just to obtain a
divorce. It is not necessary for a Muslin to "separate" from his or her
partner some years before divorce can be granted. Nor is the granting of
divorce conditional on adultery. "Separation" as endorsed by many systems can
and certainly does involve immoral and indecent actions. In case of
"separation" of this kind the person can neither enjoy his rights nor fulfill
his obligations of marriage. He or she is officially married, but how much
does he enjoy married life? He is tied as tightly as can be, yet he is loose
that no restrictions can affect him. He cannot get a divorce or remarry, but
is there any legal limit to his scope of extramarital relationships? He can
move with whomever he likes unchecked and unrestricted. These are things which
happen every day and need no elaboration. "Separation" of this kind might help
someone to finally get a divorce, but how costly it is to morality and how high
the price is for society to pay! This is something that Islam can never accept
or endorse, because it would violate the whole system of moral values which
Islam cherishes.
Considering the case of adultery and its endorsement by some systems as a
basis for divorce, we can only say this: it is so humiliating to human dignity
and detrimental to morality that a person should commit adultery or pretend to
have committed it to obtain a divorce. The viewpoint of Islam on adultery has
been already stated above. What happens, however, in most cases is this:
people are not divorced because they have committed adultery or pretend to have
committed it, but they commit adultery or pretend it in order to obtain divorce
decrees, which are not granted otherwise. What a reverse and disgraceful
course in human relations!
This is the stand of Islam on the matter. If divorce has to be obtained as a
last resort, it must be granted with dignity and due respect. When Islam is
applied to married life, there will be no room for "separation" or "adultery"
as bases for divorce. Nor will there be that easy Hollywood-type divorce,
which sprang as an extreme reaction to an extreme rigidity. Any system dealing
with humai nature has to be realistic and moderate, making allowances for all
circumstances with preparedness to cope with all conditions. Else, it would be
self-destructive and groundless, a state of which Islam is absolutely free (see
Qur'an, 2:224-232; 4:34-3-5; 4:127-130).
One final remark will conclude this discussion. In virtually every known
society and religion, there are ways to terminate any marriage. The divorce
rates in the industrialized world are rapidly rising and divorce laws are
increasingly liberalized. However, divorce in Islam remains a remarkable moral
act. Mates are commanded by God to be kind and patient and are reminded of how
one may dislike something in one's mate in which God has placed much good and
virtue. They are assured of God's help if they mean well and stay together.
But if they must part by divorce, it is to be sought without intent of injury
or harm. If they part gracefully and honorably, God assures them of enrichment
of His all-reaching bounty. The whole marital context, from beginning to end,
is centered around and oriented to the belief in God. The verses dealing with
divorce are not dry legal stipulations; they commence and conclude with moral
exhortations of a high order. The moral commitments of the parties extend far
beyond the divorce date. Indeed, the entire question is so incorporated into a
highly moral system that divorce is rightly regarded as a moral act in the
main.
source: Islam In Focus by Hammudah Abdalati
regards,
Momodou Camara
http://home3.inet.tele.dk/mcamara/
***********
"None has the right to be woshipped except Allaah, alone, without partner.
To Him belongs all sovereignty and praise and he is over all things
omnipotent"
***********
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