> > NOTICE TO NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH
> >
> > The following is a pre-approved posting whose purpose is to offer
>insight
>and advice to Northerners moving South.
> >
> > 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to
>use
>it shortly.
> >
> > 2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners
>can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
> >
> > 3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the
>cab
>of a four-wheel pickup with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along
>shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what
>they live for.
> >
> > 4. You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know
>the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to
>find it yourself.
> >
> > 5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's"
>is
>plural possessive.
> >
> > 6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
> >
> > 7. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
>understand you, either.
> >
> > 8. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
>Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol," as in "big ol truck,"
>or
>"big ol boy." "Fixin'" as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store" is 2nd. And
>"Y'all" is 3rd.
> >
> > 9. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55-mph zone,
>directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to
>drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for
>that vehicle.
> >
> > 10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay
>out
>of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse
>still, that you will ever hear.
> >
> > 11. Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do.
>In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license
>plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was
>purchased.
> >
> > 12. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let
>alone eating.
> >
> > 13. The wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until
>December.
> >
> > 14. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most
>minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local
>grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It
>is
>just something you're supposed to do.
> >
> > 15. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase
>one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical,
>bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house, and
>should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
> >
> > 16. Be advised that in the South, "He needed killin'" is a valid
>defense.
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
>
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