Brilliant Galleh. I think you should consider this other genre of satire
just as you excel in non-fiction. I am enjoying Mandela's Other Children. I want
to treasure the submissions so I am reading it ever so slowly. I want to
encourage you to become the polyvalent you can be when time permits. I think you
have immense value to our community. And without satire, the soul of a
community cannot be fully enriched nor perspectively cautioned. Democracy relies on
satire and journalism for sustenance. Thanx always.
Haruna.
In a message dated 12/17/2007 1:59:16 A.M. Mountain Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
Realistic Guy
By Baba Galleh Jallow
Our little town was not entirely unblessed when it came to having some
really prominent citizens. Indeed, it was in the domain of citizenship that
most of our prominent big wigs dazzled our senses with their wit and wisdom,
which, thankfully, they were never loathe to share with our less endowed
common townsfolk. It was no surprise at all that in our little town, there
was a common saying that at least one common folk got wiser every single
day. And this is in no small measure attributable to the great wisdom of one
of our most prominent citizens, Alhaji Doctor Choot Choot Hapati, commonly
known in our little town as the Realistic Guy on account of his mastery of
the art and science of realism in all their loaded complexities.
Now Alhaji Doctor Choot Choot Hapati was no little guy in our little town.
Indeed, we could safely say that he was no ordinary big wig in our little
town. We just stop short of saying that our little town is almost unworthy
of the presence of this great guy who was so wise we sometimes thought he
was the sun itself come down to earth, walking on two feet and talking with
its mouth. For not only was Alhaji Doctor Choot Choot Hapati a great natural
orator and myth booster, he was also an eminently learned person, a
veritable guru of ancient wisdom and a bitter cola of modern learning, to
borrow a prominent metaphor from our little town. Well versed in all the
categories of subtle wisdom with which the very fabric of our local customs
are woven, Dr. Choot Choot Hapati was also highly educated in the wisdoms of
the modern world: he held a Bachelor of Fats in Rope Dragging from Whig
University, a Masters degree in Swashbuckling from the famous university of
No Teach, and to cap it all, a dazzling Doctorate of Robosophy in Real
Techniques from the world famous university of No Contest Upon Find, which
was why he was given the honorable nickname of Realistic Guy and why our
common townsfolk simply adored him.
Fortunately for our common townsfolk, Dr. Choot Choot Hapati was not one to
lose an opportunity to teach less endowed folks a thing or two about life.
And he found a perfect opportunity to do this by developing his own personal
philosophy of being a realistic guy. What plopped out of the fertile mind of
our great doctor and bloomed into the sunny airs of our little town was
nothing less than a brand new realistic philosophy of life which he aptly
called, without any unnecessary fanfare, the indubitable philosophy of
Lestek. Our common townsfolk never tired of gathering around the great Dr.
Choot Choot to hear him expound aspects of his dazzling new philosophy with
the hope that they would go home at the end of the day if only a teeny weeny
bit wiser than they were when they arrived. And good lord all of mercy! Our
great doctor never failed to deliver!
Dr. Choot Choot Hapati was a kind and generous soul, and as such, he always
began his lectures with a wide and benign smile which never failed to warm
the gullible hearts of our simple-minded townsfolk. Having smiled every one
into a cozy comfort zone, Dr. Choot Choot Hapati would then proceed to
deliver one of his memorable discourses on the art and science of being
realistic. And being the ultimate master of jargon, Dr. Choot Choot would
always begin by citing the ancient aphorism that of course, you could only
learn about realism if you were yourself real and that our common townsfolk
were indeed real because he could see them with his own two real eyes as
well as his two unreal ones perched academically on his nose in the form of
his famous reading glasses.
“But even my glasses are real, I can say,” he would wisely pout. “But some
of ya wouldn’t know that, would ya, because you will say because the glasses
are not made of life and blood, they therefore are not real.” Such a clever
statement always elicited a long drone of hmn – hmn and several nods of
enlightenment from his doting audience. Whereby Dr. Choot Choot Hapati would
proceed to tell them what exactly it means to be a realistic guy.
“Ya see,” he would say, tilting his head to one side. “Sometimes I want to
tilt my head like this, or like this, or bend it like this, or look at the
heavens like this. But then I will ask myself; I’ll say Choot Choot wait a
minute. Which of these postures do you really think is realistic? And then I
would say Choot Choot you gotta be kidding me! And you know why I say that,
because to be a realistic guy you have to know where exactly your head is
tilted at every single moment of the day without even asking. It doesn’t
matter whether you are sleeping or walking. If y’all sit and forget that
there is a head on your shoulders, or that it is tilted this way or the
other, then y’all are seriously out of touch with reality.” Our amazed
common townsfolk would utter shrill cries of admiration, loudly groan their
undying approval, and shake their heads many, many times as another
invaluable piece of realistic wisdom sunk into their heads. Thus encouraged,
a beaming Dr. Choot Choot Hapati would continue.
“But I am not saying that to be a realistic guy you have to be arrogant and
boastful. I actually got a masters degree in swashbuckling and I can tell
you that to be arrogant is both part of being a realistic guy and is not
part of being a realistic guy. Because you see, to be a realistic guy you
have to be able to be both here and there and elsewhere AT THE SAME TIME.
And that is crucial – the ability to be everywhere AT THE SAME TIME. Because
this means that you have to do something that is both impossible and yes,
possible, even easy: You have to grow additional feet with which to stand on
multiple ground at the same moment, additional mouth with which to speak,
additional eyes with which to see, and yes, additional hands with which to
shake worthy hands and slap unworthy ones. But of course, this stuff is far
too advanced for y’all. So I will have to explain further next time. For
now, just remember this: to be realistic guy, you have to eat your bread but
still have it, as the Englishman would say.”
Such a dizzying analysis of his philosophy of Lestek would send our common
townsfolk staring wildly around and exclaiming heh! heh! heh! Did you hear
what Dr. Choot said? Heh! This guy is really educated! Heh!
_________________________________________________________________
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