Kathy,

Perhaps this is a silly question, but does Chris know you are monitoring?
I ask because I don't know if you have  such as an open concept or
awareness guardian or if he is unaware. If unaware, if it were me, I'd
pray and say nothing, and perhaps enter conversation that would lend  him
to be open yet not so much he knows  something's up. In any case prayer is
always first  and best.  Sounds like he'll do anything to keep her
attention. I think this is at first flattering to a girl/woman, but later
seen as a sign of weakness and a big turn off unless the woman is a
control freak and then there's even more trouble.  If perhaps , she comes
to the house now and again, lean conversation towards a spiritual side.
Being a pastor's house that would be pretty easy and natural to do. I
guess my advice in short is to pray and leave the door open and even crack
it a bit with conversation for forward progress with either of them. The
wrist thing is a concern, hopefully just an attention thing. Nonetheless
all such things ought be taken heed and additional signs be waited for in
that regard.

Brad


on 05:05 PM 7/28/2005, Kathy Du Bois said:
Okay guys,
         Yes, this is a Chris question.  I would appreciate some
advice.  Okay,
yesterday, Chris's girl friend told him that she cheated on him while he
was in jail last spring.  I learned this through monitering, of
course.  Chris has not talked to me directly.  Chris was so upset that he
slashed a wrist, I believe only  slightly.  He told her about that too, so
I'm asuming that it was an attention ploy of some sort.  Chris has also
encouraged her to give up smoking, and she admitted to him yesterday that
she has been lying to him about having quit as well.  Chris, rather than
encouraging her to continue trying to quit, is offering to share
cigarettes
with her so that she won't feel bad. Chris had already given up smoking,
but he's willing to go back to it for her.    He's looking like such a
pathetic and clingy person right now that it makes me sick.
         On Tuesday night, Nicki found one of those tracts on her porch
that looks
like a one hundred dollar bill, but has the plan of salvation on it.  She
started reading it to Chris and getting convicted about her life, but
chris
tried to assure her that sin isn't her fault, but Adam and Eve's fault and
she doesn't have to worry.  She felt better after he told her this, but
still made these confessions yesterday.  I believe that Nicki's heart may
be growing tender toward the Lord, but I don't know what to do besides
pray
and I don't know if I should talk to Chris directly about what I know and
try to help him or just tell the therapist and let him try to help Chris
in
a more objective setting.  Chris wore a long sleaved shirt today.  I don't
think that he wanted us to know anything, just her, about his wrist, that
is.  Guys, I am in such unfamiliar territory right now that I just don't
know what to do, which means that I'd better not do anything with out a
lot
of counsel from other mature Christians.  What would you do?
Kathy