It really can be a roller coaster of thought and emotion can't it. We have 
our own desires in healing based just strictly off what we might enjoy, 
like seeing our kids faces or joy ora romantic look across the room at our 
spouse and the like. And then we have the ability to dodge any well meaning 
gung ho Christians  spotting the cane across the sanctuary ready to slap 
you down and spit the blindness demon out of you haha. Or the person as you 
say that judges you saying you don't have faith daughter, if you only had 
enough faith in God and trust him, he'll take it away for you. And of 
course our own struggle with trying to understand why a "good" God would 
allow bad stuff to prevail. We have Job as well who yes, that man is an 
inspiration of strength and faith in the midst of pure hellish occurrences, 
yet we here today read how he was blessed what two fold was it when all 
said and done? Of course he didn't know that would happen in the midst of 
standing in the ashes scraping the sores off his body with a piece of 
broken pottery. If I remember that right, I'd have to look, but anyway. It 
can get overwhelming, and yet we know we can yet rely on God for sustenance 
of life. I look back at the blessings I have had in life which I know were 
acts of God. And I would hope that I wouldn't be one of the Lepers as Kathy 
referred who never came back to thank Christ. I never understood how they 
could have done that. Especially what being a leper meant then socially as 
well as the affects of the disease itself. This is my summary until God 
tells me different somehow.

1. I can't believe he wants me this way.
2. I am this way for some reason.
3. I can only continue to seek that, and be more like Christ all the while 
and perhaps one day he'll fix  the problem.
4. I'll not live a life of depression or weakness because of it, but only 
use it to make me stronger as a person and faith.
5. Realize God is sovereign and I may not be able to see the big picture, 
and when at times I find myself yet asking and having a bit of a tantrum , 
I pray he understands my desires, and draws me closer.

I'll also study and take in consideration the wisdom of those who posted 
here as counsel too having similar wonderings yet with a different and open 
perspective.

Brad