Hi Chris, I have and will be lifting you up in my prayers friend.


Lelia Struve email [log in to unmask] msn [log in to unmask]
----- Original Message -----
From: "Chris Gilland" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, February 11, 2005 6:20 PM
Subject: Gosh I'm feeling sad!


>I only half way know why, but not totally, but for some reason, I'm feeling
> majorly depressed.  I don't even know of sad, as I said in the subject
> even
> totally fits.  I guess more anger and hurt would describe it better.  For
> one, I'm really hurt as I believe I may have just majorly made a dear
> friend
> of mine somewhat angry.  Well, OK, maybe not even angry, but at least
> irritated.  I just don't get why so many people lately have been slamming
> down on me, sota speak, more so than usual.  I'm doing my best to be
> everyone's friend, but appaerently to some, not all, but some, it's not
> adiquit enough of a try.  It was about this time 4 years ago that Hope
> stopped speaking to me... I've told most of you all about her, and my
> friends all who know her have told me, that they can't see why I am
> holding
> such shame and anguish inside still after four years.  The truth though
> is,
> the more and more time that goes by, the more and more badly it hurts.  I
> mean I feel like some wildabeat or something.  Everyone says it's not my
> falt, but I may know that in my head, but I can't convince my heart of it.
> I can't even pray about it as every time I do I literally get so sick that
> I
> up chuck.  Yes, I mean it, that's being very literal.  It devastates me
> literally that badly.  So, there's that, then there's my thoughts, which
> most if not all yall know about...  Then too, the fact that I can't get in
> touch with my cousin on the phone and I'm worried sick about her for some
> bazaar reason.  I know she's fine and I shouldn't be...  Talk about being
> paranoid!  Bottome lined point, is, I'm overwhelmingly depressed and
> lonely
> right now.  Yes, Kristin has helped having her here some, don't get me
> wrong, but with her level of comprehention, it's difficult for her to take
> all this in and total relate and understand how to best help.  Yes, I know
> you all will pray, but really if any of you all would not mind it, could
> someone of you all get with me off list, and send me your number.  I just
> need to talk with someone and get some of this off my chest.  Even if it
> were just half an hour of us talking to an hour at most.  I have long
> distance, so don't you all worry about that.
>
> My personal e-mail address is as follows:
>
> [log in to unmask]
>
>
> If you are scared that your number may get intercepted along the way, and
> you wanna be more secure about it, then e-0mail me on my own personal
> e-mail
> server.  That address is:
>
>
> [log in to unmask]
>
>
> I'd rather you all use the Earthlink address though if possible as it's
> easier for me to check.
>
>
> Chris.