Rhonda,

I'm sure it will be good if you can move and have a little more 
independence.  Does Ben agree about a move, so are you ready to start 
looking?  (Just asking so I know where to focus prayers.)

Love:


--
Carol
[log in to unmask]




----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Rhonda Partain" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, June 04, 2006 11:02 PM
Subject: Re: a parent question


> At first, balance wasn't  here.  I do understand that our kids do and will
> have their own life, I just found the  words hurtful, it was almost as
> though  one was ashamed.  I now after a few days thought, realize that it 
> is
> not wanting to be noticed.  Guess Christa wouldn't mind being noticed for
> looking "hot" as they say, but  being noticed as the girl who drives 
> around
> her "MOTHEr, WHO  Is "blind and has a dog!!!!"  that's not the attention 
> she
> wants.  Lately  it is hard to  get the girls to realize that they should
> contribute in some way, seems to me they come and go, only coming in to 
> take
> a shower, and eat! Leaving me with the dishes and dirty towels!! 
> Resentment
> can brew on both sides.  It is a transition, going from  a child to an
> adult, it didn't magically happen because Christa graduated, or turned 18.
> There are still things she needs to learn.
> One day, she will realize I was smart about some things, but for now she
> knows just how her life should go, ah well! Live and learn...and sometimes
> just live.
> I do want to be where Ben and I can be more independent about my going to
> college, and the doctor appointments he needs to attend.  If one of the
> girls happens to be able to help with such things someties-great, if not, 
> I
> will be in a place where other options will be available to me.
> Rhonda
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: The Electronic Church [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of B Dunse
> Sent: Sunday, June 04, 2006 4:42 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: a parent question
>
> Rhonda1,
> I think moving  closer to the college and doctors is wise.  The attitude
> of Christa is that of a rebelling kid, really not much different than that
> of a parent without a noticeable disability, it is just it is an easy
> target to pick on the blindness, and one would hope a child would be more
> sensitive to your struggles in life at times with that. I suppose you
> might even take it as a compliment that she feels you are strong enough to
> hear her immature view, if you were a weak person she might well be more
> mindful of not crushing your emotions out of pity's sake. And I know you
> are not one who wishes to be pittied, your independence and "go getter
> done" attitude shows that.  Anyway, that said, it is good to poise
> yourself towards not being dependent upon the kids for anything, they will
> have and do have lives of their own and will not be there on such a
> convenient time frame to do stuff and so it is good to prepare. I also do
> agree with Kathy's assessment of  kids not  given a choice of the parent
> and that sometimes we do expect more of them than others. I know I have
> done that. And yes it was some times proper and right to expect such as
> they are a part of the household, but it can be a worn out record for
> them, especially with such easy tasks as "Can you read what this says on
> my computer, the speech just cut out on me again" lol. To us it is
> critical, to them it is... "For crying out loud, another reading task".
> Unless they were in our shoes I don't think they realize how important
> those menial tasks can be at times. I had to be mindful of scheduling
> things a bit more if I needed help rather than off cuff just ask and
> expect results right now. Sounds like you have things in a good and
> balanced perspective, you are gifted in that regard.
>
> Brad
>
>
> on 09:50 AM 6/3/2006, Rhonda Partain said:
>
> I understand not making our kids responsible to transport us everywhere,
> but
> I am speaking of a give and take relationship.  We gave her the car,  she
> didn't pay anything on  it, we've paid the insurance most of the time, she
> just recently started paying it herself, we've helped with repairs,  and
> now
> that we need  something in return, she doesn't want to help.  I put a
> notice
> on the college board, so some other student will probably want the money I
> was going to give her.
> There are certain things each member of a family does to contribute to the
> family, one might be responsible to cut the grass, is he obligated to do
> that, or does he do that just because he is a part of the family and that
> is
> his job?
> Granted, no one really wants to cut the grass, do the dishes, or sweep the
> family room floor, but each one does something.
> That is why I want to move closer to the college, we are about 13 miles
> away
> now *you would think it was around fifty* all  the problems it's
> causing.
> I mainly just felt hurt, she said  I was like a sore thumb and I stuck out
> because I'm blind and have a guide dog!
> I guess I had hoped  she would gbe proud her mother was going back to
> college, it is a challenge to be sure.
> I know I sh ouldn't take  it so personally, teens don't always feel close
> to
> their parents, but I still felt sad.  I will make other arrangements,  I
> told Christa we were looking for a house in Carrollton, and she could move
> with us if she wanted to.  She said she doesn't like most houses in
> Carrollton, I told her she could move with us, or  do something else but I
> needed to be close to the college.
>
> Rhonda
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: The Electronic Church [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Kathy Du Bois
> Sent: Saturday, June 03, 2006 7:13 AM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: a parent question
>
> Rhonda,
>          I know that every parenting situation is different.  For us,
> even though Greg is sighted, we had decided that our kids would have
> to earn the money for their drivers education and when they received
> their drivers licence, they would be responsible for their part of
> the car insurance until they moved out on their own.  We would cover
> maintenance costs if they were using our car, but they would have to
> pay for the gas.  When they move out, they move out completely.  They
> get a car in their name and insurance.    This explains why Chris
> still doesn't have a car, but that's just his tough luck.
>
>          As far as Christa's attitude toward helping you out, well, I
> can understand how her reaction can be disappointing, but I can see
> both sides of the coin, so to speak.  You are offering, what seems to
> be a fair, contractual agreement, but as with all contracts, she does
> have the right to refuse.  Granted, she's not refusing for very noble
> reasons, but she is a teen still, after all.  I believe that we, as
> blind parents, need to work hard at not taking our children for
> granted.  This can really breed resentment in our children if they
> are the ones we always lean  on first, to help us out.  After all, on
> their part, it's not a strictly  volunteer situation.  They didn't
> ask to have us as parents.  It's not their fault that we need more
> help than other  parents.  We would cut other people who help us out
> some slack, so I think that we need to be at least as gracious toward
> our kids.
>          Is there anyone from your new church that heads in that
> direction who could give you a ride, at least sometimes?  It wouldn't
> hurt to ask.  I think that Christa will eventually come around and be
> glad to help.  I think that the key is not making her feel
> obligated.  Some kids don't mind helping their parents out, but
> others want their freedom.  They do deserve this  as a right of
> passage into adulthood.
> Just my thoughts,
> Kathy
>
>
> At 10:08 PM 6/1/2006, you wrote:
> >Hi, have a question for all you visually impaired or blind parents with
> >sighted teens:
> >Ben and I bought Christa a car, a 200 Kooger about a year ago.  We have
> >payed the insurance until Ben started r3eceiving a Ssdi check for
> Christa,
> >he gave her part of the money and she payed her insurance with it.  We
> no
> >longer get the check for her since she is now 18.  The thing is, her car
> >recently had a lot of work done, a fuel pump which was 500 dollars,  I
> gave
> >her 180 and Ben gave her 100 she paid the rest from graduation money
> that
> >she got from friends and family.
> >Now...in the Fall we will both be going to the same college.  Jenna and
> >Austin are thinking of moving to  Carrollton the town in which the
> college
> >is located.  The college is about 13 miles from where I currently live.
> So,
> >I asked Christa if she wouldn't mind if I rode in to college with her, I
> >would give her money for gas I get a millage allowance from rehab.  She
> said
> >that kids shouldn't go to college with their parents, and since I have
> >Bowers my guide dog I stick out like a sore thumb!!
> >I didn't want Jenna to have to come the 13 miles from where she will
> live
> to
> >pick me up only to go back to the college, it semed  foolish since
> Christa
> >and I were going to the same place.
> >I felt hurt, as though somehow Christa w4ere ashamed of me, instead of
> being
> >proud her Mom was going back to school and would be a junior in the
> Fall,
> >she doesn't want to be seen with me.  I understand that kids don't want
> to
> >be with their parents, but  do you think I'm being to sensitive?
> >I have decided that Ben and I will look for a h ouse closer to school.
> >There is a transportation service that only would help me with
> >transportation if I lived in Carrol County, so perhaps we can find a
> house
> >there.
> >Rhonda
>