I have no idea if these are true and the book referred to is real or not.
They are still funny to read.

Phil.


These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" and
are  things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
down and now  published by court reporters that had the torment
of staying calm while  these exchanges were actually taking
place.

Number One.
Question.  Are you sexually active?
Answer.  No, I just lie there.

Number Two.
Question.  What is your date of birth?
Answer.  July 15.
Question.  What year?
Answer.  Every year.


Number Three.
Question.  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Answer.  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


Number Four.
Question.  This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
Answer.  Yes.
Question.  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Answer.  I forget.
Question.  You forget? Give us an example of something that you've
forgotten.


Number Five.
Question.  How old is your son, the one living with you?
Answer.  Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Question.  How long has he lived with you?
Answer.  Forty-five years.


Number Six.
Question.  What's the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke up that morning?
Answer.  He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Question.  And why did that upset you?
Answer.  My name is Susan.


Number Seven.
Question.  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo or the occult?
Answer.  We both do.
Question.  Voodoo?
Answer.  We do.
Question.  You do?
Answer.  Yes, voodoo.


Number Eight.
Question.  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Answer.  Did you actually pass the bar exam?


Number Nine.
Question.  The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Number Ten.
Question.  Were you present when your picture was taken?

Number Eleven.
Question.  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Answer.  Yes.
Question.  And what were you doing at that time?


Number Twelve.
Question.  She had three children, right?
Answer.  Yes.
Question.  How many were boys?
Answer.  None.
 Question.  Were there any girls?

Number Thirteen.
Question.  How was your first marriage terminated?
Answer.  By death.
Question.  And by whose death was it terminated?


Number Fourteen.
Question.  Can you describe the individual?
Answer.  He was about medium height and had a beard.
Question.  Was this a male, or female?

Number Fifteen.
Question.  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Answer.  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


Number Sixteen.
Question.  Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
Answer.  All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Number Seventeen.
Questions.  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?
Answer.  Oral.


Number Eighteen.
Question.  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Answer.  The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Question.  And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Answer.  No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy.


Number nineteen.
Question.  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Number Twenty.
Question.  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?
Answer.  No.
Question.  Did you check for blood pressure?
Answer.  No.
Question.  Did you check for breathing?
Answer.  No.
Question.  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?
Answer.  No.
Question.  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Answer.  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Question.  But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
Answer.  Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.


Learning Jesus
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