Phil,
         Your words are an affirmation to me of what I've already been
thinking.  In fact, I've wondered if the main reason that chris is most
angry at us is, not only because we're safe, but because he knows that we
know his fears and flaws and he can't pretend around us.  We know the truth
and love him anyway. Funny, you would think that that would be a relief to
him, but, I guess for now at least, it's not.
          I too have a lot of concerns if medicine is introduced.  Partly,
I just don't like the idea, but also, I don't see Chris as being very
reliable or cooperative with medical treatments.  I think that he could
turn it into a power struggle and you don't want to mess around with
chemicals like that.  You could end up making the situation worse.  He
won't admit that he has a problem.  He tells everybody that his problem is
us.  You should hear his justification for illegal drugs!  Amazing!
         The most amazing part of all this to me is that the place that I
like to pray now, the most, is in Chris's room.  I started praying there
before he left, but that has become the place where I feel closest to
God.  I never expected that, but then, it has become a kind of war room in
which God and I have become partners, so what else could I expect.
         Phil, if I could find a way to get Chris to talk to you, I
would.  I know that this is more a spiritual battle than anything else.  I
just pray that they recognize that in Cromwell as well.  I am curious about
one thing.  I remember you talking about your stay in the hospital when you
really handed Gretchen over to the Lord.  What was different about that
time than earlier.  I feel that we've handed Chris over to the Lord too,
but with him not being an adult yet, we are still held responsible by
law.  I have a hard time, at times defining what I'm still supposed to be
doing as a parent and what I should hand over to God.  Of course, since
Chris isn't an adult yet, I imagine that when he turns 18 I'll just be able
to turn him loose and let the chips fall where they may, but since I
haven't crossed that bridge yet, I already know that I probably have no
clue of what I'm talking about.
God bless,
Kathy


At 04:38 PM 2/12/2005, you wrote:
>Kathy,
>
>That was, I suppose, good and bad news about Chris.  We are having almost a
>summer like day in Denver so I have been sitting out on our deck on the
>swing for much of the day.  I got the flue, or something like it, this week
>so last night I was up most of the night.  Several times I thought I was
>going to up chuck but fortunately, my stomach finally calmed down.  We had
>our prayer meeting last night and three new people came.  I was a bit more
>emotional than usual but when you feel the hurt and pain of others, it is
>hard not to be emotional.  Out on the swing, I was thinking about Chris and
>wondering how he was getting along so thanks for that update.  Kathy, that
>is a normal feeling you have with him out of the house, of course, and I am
>happy for you but sad for Chris.  The psychiatrist hopefully will be able to
>come up with a diagnosis which will allow them to introduce medications that
>should help Chris.  I hate medical treatment but that's my pride feeling the
>dislike.  I don't know what the shrink will discover but keep in mind that
>one or two, or a half a dozen, sessions isn't necessarily the final word on
>a diagnosis.  His anger is masking something, though, and you and Greg are
>just in his way.  Frankly, I always like it, when people with whom I pray,
>can feel their anger because it often allows the Lord to lead us directly to
>areas of woundedness where lies have been implanted.  Anger of this nature
>is a clear sign Chris is hiding something he does not want to look at.  Why?
>Because it hurts too much.  Anger is also an excellent tool to use to push
>people away.  My last pastor had anger that could choke a horse.  I was so
>wounded myself at the time, I wasn't able to understand what he was facing.
>His pride also was used to keep people at arm's length and when that doesn't
>work, anger comes in very handy to force people back.  Angry people are
>simply afraid, fearful, people because, as I said, they are afraid you are
>going to find out what they are really like and they will do just about
>anything to keep from facing their pain.  That's because they don't like who
>they really are.  A good friend of mind came over one day and told me about
>how he had gotten born again.  When we first meant, he wasn't saved.  His
>wife had left him and his five children.  I asked how things were going
>since she left.  He said, she caused so much trouble and heartache and pain
>in the family structure, that even his own children were saying they were
>glad she was gone.  This feeling, unfortunately, is somewhat deceiving.  We
>felt this way about Gretchen when she went to the home.  Fortunately, the
>Lord had, in a very dramatic way, that is, putting me into the hospital with
>the worse case of flue I've had since I was a teenager, had brought me to
>the place I was able to fully turn Gretchen over to the Lord.  I thought I
>had done that but in the hospital, He made it very clear one night that I
>was mistaken.  My daughter is a blessing now instead of a curse.  I guess,
>Kathy, what I am saying, you and Chris are linked, bonded.  this bondeding
>is natural, of course, because you are his mother.  Getting underneath his
>anger is going to reveal some ugly things he thinks about himself.  It is
>also going to reveal his fears and he is one frightened young man underneath
>all the toughness right now.  He uses you and Greg because he knows you'll
>put up with it.  He isn't doing it at the center because he knows they
>won't.  Furthermore, I know it is a releaf right now to have him out of the
>house but it doesn't mean your feelings and concerns have gone away; it just
>means the pressure is removed.  We don't care about the pressure being
>removed; we want the power of God and His healing power from the things that
>frighten us.  Bipolar is one of the most popular diagnoses today but
>regardless of what they come up, keep this in mind.  Your son is not
>mentally ill regardless of what the medical professional say.  Yes, he has
>some problems.  I've got a hunch of what some of those problems are but
>without cooperation and praying with him, I might be totally wrong.  Also,
>don't make the mistake of believing Greg is taking all this so calmly.  Greg
>is not what he seems on the outside.  He's got some spiritual gifting the
>Lord wants to use and unless I miss my guess, the Lord is going to use Chris
>to minister to both you and Greg.  Very likely to the whole church where you
>pastor.  You may not like what is revealed in your own life as a result but
>it will be for the glory of God and that's a good thing.  As I suggested, if
>he is medicated, and I would find it difficult to believe they wouldn't
>recommend and prescribe such treatment, that doesn't mean everything is
>over.  The drugs only assist in allowing the person to slow down enough to
>focus on what is really wrong.  Unless we find that in each of our lives, we
>won't walk free in Jesus.  You and Greg have been doing everything right and
>if some day more needs to be done, the Lord already knows about that so
>Chris belongs to the Lord.  Chris may not like that but it is the truth and
>he will eventually come to that truth some day.  Keep in mind, I am no
>professional.  I just know how to pray for people and with people and not
>because I am some brilliant Godly Christian.  It is because I feel the Love
>of the Lord for others.
>
>Phil.
>
>
>
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