Why can't a couple in this controlling type of situation say, in love of 
course, "We are both equally human beings, grown man and woman, of one 
flesh, (if the family believes that).  We feel hurt when one of us is left 
out of the picture, and we'd appreciate it if we would both be included 
equally in your interaction.  We both love you, and want to have good 
relationships with all of you, but We're not going to put up with this 
exclusion and controlling treatment any longer.", then take action by 
walking away when the family insists on that kind of treatment, and even 
have friends rescue them and take them to a secret place, if necessary?

Sharon