Hi Kathy,
Standing with you guys as always.
Vinny
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, February 12, 2005 1:40 PM
Subject: The latest on our Chris.


> Hi guys,
>         Well, it is a quiet, peaceful Saturday afternoon.  Caleb and Liz
are
> quietly occupied and Greg is still delivering mail, after a snow storm
that
> dumped two feet on Bangor, Thursday and Friday.  The kids had two snow
days
> in a row!  Wow!  Anyway, I thought that I would take advantage of the lull
> to catch you up on how things stand with us and Chris.
>         Chris has been in Cromwell now for ten days.  According to the
therapist,
> the only time  that they  see bad behavior is when he has contact with
> us.  Now, to us, Chris complains about a lot of stuff, but, as is his
> pattern, he won't air any of this to them.  Anyway, Chris will be seeing a
> psychiatrist this Monday to see if he can make a diagnosis.  Right now,
the
> therapist is suspecting, reactive rather than clenical depression.  She
has
> also observed , that while Chris has no problem living under the
> established rules that are already set in place there, he is bent on
> breaking the rules that we have in our home.  She really has her doubts
> about whether it is a reasonable expectation at all, that Chris can come
> home after another 35 days and have us make it as a unit until he turns
18,
> which will be in 262 days, and counting.  I've always wondered what would
> happen after this time, and it looks like a huge question mark is hanging
> over our heads at present.  He was only supposed to be down there for an
> evaluation and assessment, so a longer stay would be asking for miracles.
>         I cannot believe the big difference in me after ten days of
freedom from
> stress.  The change is almost night and day.  It's almost like Greg and I
> are on a second honeymoon.  We also really enjoy being with Caleb and Liz
> and, to be truthful, I think that we are all enjoying  having the elephant
> removed from the living room, so to speak.    After four years of being
> told how awful I am and how everything is my fault, I have been reminded
in
> these past ten days of two things.  I'm not a bad person and I'm not a bad
> parent.  Also, after feeling so well and seeing how easily Chris can still
> jerk me around with his short, rude phone calls, I see clearly now how
> oppressed I've been without even knowing it.  Well, that isn't quite
> accurate.  I knew it, but since it had been growing gradually, I didn't
> realize how bad it was until he was out of the house.
>         His phone calls are cruel.  He can call us in the evening from the
> unit.  We have also had two therapy sessions with him via phone.  Last
> week, at the first session, he walked out in the middle of it and
> yesterday, when he didn't like something that either Greg or I said, I
> can't remember which, he reached over and hung up on us.  The therapist
> made him call us back.  That was interesting.
>         Chris needs to get to the root of his anger, but he just keeps
pushing it
> away.  He refuses to hear any of the good things that I say about him.
The
> therapist saw that very clearly as well yesterday.  He believes so many
> lies about himself and us that it is staggering.  Maybe you guys should
> start praying that I can sweet talk him into talking to  Phil.  But then,
> Phil wants to talk to me too, so maybe there are more cans of worms there
> than I can deal with, yet, at present.  GRIN!
>         Anyway, I think that you guys are caught up now, for the most
part.  I'll
> be sure to let you know if we learn anything after Monday.  Please keep
> praying for a break through and please pray for something to open up as
far
> as what to do with him when this time of evaluation is over.
> God bless,
> Kathy
> Always, for His glory
>