Kathy,

My 10 year old grandson understand, up to a point, but that's a big part of
the overall problem.  I explained to Gretchen the night before Father's Day,
that her oldest son has only one parent and no dad.  I know what it is like
to grow up at his age without a father.  Father's Day after Father's Day
goes by and you think nothing of it but I guarantee you that the Enemy
hasn't forgotten.  He uses such opportunities to implant lies that little
boys, or girls, learn to believ because they feel true at the time.  "You
aren't good enough or you would have a dad.  Your dad left because he never
loved you.  Your mom doesn't even love you.  If you had only been better,
your dad wouldn't have left you," and that's only a sample.  I pray with
grown men all the time who have heard these lies but never knew it until the
Lord revealed it to them in prayer sessions.  I pray every Monday night with
two Denver men, one who comes to my office on the way home from work, and
they both have father problems.  One hates his father and the other lost his
dad at age 6 when his father died.  He says he has almost no childhood
memories.  I here this all the time, too, until the Lord opens their
woundedness and then brings in His truth and healing into their brokenness.
These two men, and I, all have the same woundedness and yet all three of us
are Christians and all three of us had Christian fathers.  That's likely
something we won't hear in church next Sunday.  On this last Father's Day,
Gretchen told her oldest boy, when he wanted to know if she was staying home
that evening, that she had to go be with her boyfriend, who is lost, by the
way.  why, you might ask?  Because, poor Mike doesn't get to see his little
girl on Father's Day.  I stopped Gretchen just before she left to go to her
boyfriends to see if what she had told her son was indeed what she said.
She admitted that it was what she said.  I explained, in even more detail,
all I just said and included much more based upon not only those with whom I
have prayed, but I included my own experiences related to this subject.  My
mother was never gone.  She never even dated until I was almost out of the
home and going to Bible college.  Gretchen informed me that she would let
nothing jeopardize her quote sobriety unquote by sitting home alone in the
evenings while her son was over at my son's house 50 feet away in my
backyard.  You want to know what I said?  And I quote myself word for word.
"Gretchen, I don't give a damn about your sobriety and I don't give a damn
about Mike.  I do care if someone allows my grandson to be destroyed by the
Enemy because they are too ungodly to be a parent."  Street language, by the
way, is all some people, including my daughter, understands.  If I told you
some of the things my daughter used to say to her father and mother as a
teenager, and later as an young adult, you wouldn't believe it.  I wanted
her to understand what comes first.  If her freaky stupid sobriety is more
important to her than her children, screw it.  Jesus comes first or He
doesn't so which is it going to be, Gretchen?  I learned the hard way that
there is no other way, or choice, than Jesus.  I don't care if you are a
dope addict, an alcolholic, or whatever it might be.  Jesus is first.  A man
I was praying with this week told me, after I said something to him, "You
know something, Phil?  My pastor preached something like you just told me
last Sunday."  I asked what the sermon was about.  He said, "It was called,
god Will Kill You."  He is going to email me the link so I can listen to it
on their church website.  This man said his pastor preached on how God will
do whatever He wants to get your attention and you don't get one thing to
say about it except for, yes.  He furthermore said, God is not a Co Maniger
of our lives.  He is only The Manager.  Man, I about jumped out of my chair.
It doesn't get any better than that.  Gretchen does not believe this, of
course, so who suffers?  Her two children who are not old enough to even see
the lies they are told.  Gretchen almost brags about being an addict now
because this is what she is forced to listen to from her drug rehab classes.
They are not even allowed to get up in front of the group, when called upon,
without first starting out by saying, my name is Phil and I am a meth
addict.  It makes me barf every time I hear her say it because it is a lie.
Gretchen is not an addict, and I have told her this, she is a sinner.  Does
she need help?  Sure, who doesn't.  Gretchen lived a perfect, holy, Amen
shouting life when at the church drug home for a year.  she was high two
weeks after she left the home.  So much for God healing people.  The problem
was, God wasn't there at the time, Gretchen just lived by a set of rules.
Jesus was never the Lord of her life during that time.  I have raised my
oldest grandson and spent more hours with him than any person on the planet.
I used to baby sit him 6 to 6 and a half hours each day so Gretchen and her
husband could make more money than Sandy and I put together.  I taught him
how to swing, jump on the trampoline, and how to stay in the yard without a
fence, I might add.  Every time I had to use my tools to fix something, I
showed him step by step how to do it.  I let him hold the tools, turn the
screws, swing the hammer, and everything else that had to be done.  this
week, in spite of my back, I carried a tall trash basket out of my office.
I took it outside to dump into the large city barrel they pick up on
Mondays.  My 2 year old grandson was asleep but awakened when he heard me
coming back in.  He started saying, Trash, over and over, and I realized he
wanted to help.  I have a small basket I keep in front of my desk.  People
do a lot of crying in my office; even grown men.  Jesus can break anybody.
Somebody had put empty pop cans and some other trash in my basket.  Guess
who that might be when she comes in through my office to go downstairs to
her apartment.  So, since I always have an apointment with a lady on
Tuesdays and Thursdays in my office, I was going to dump that basket out.  I
showed my little grandson where it was and handed it to him.  I told him he
had to use both hands.  He did.  I opened all the doors until we got outside
and up to the big barrel that is so tall, he in no way could reach it.  So,
I carefully squatted down, careful to watch my back, wrapped my right arm
around him, and lifted him up and opened the lid with my other hand for him.
I had to also help him turn the little basket upside down because it was a
little too large for him but he helped.  when I thought we were done, I
asked him if it were empty and he said no.  I felt inside and sure enough,
some stuff was still stuck in the bottom.  So we repeated the whole process.
When we were done, I lifted him up again so he, not me, could reach the
large hinged lid and pull it shut.  This is how serious I take parenting and
grandparenting.  Gretchen's sobriety is more important, and her poor lonely
boyfriend is more important, than parenting.  So, you might say, I have an
attitude when it comes to putting children first and the only way I know of
doing that, is putting Jesus first.  There is only one way out now and
Gretchen isn't going to like it.  Yep, I've protected her from God way too
long.  I've bust my bunions for Gretchen over the years.  I've gone to the
hospital for her.  I paid for her teeth that are now literally rotting out
of her head.  Although few would believe it, not all, but a large part of my
back problems were emotionally related to Gretchen.  I know God when I hear
Him.  So, Kathy, now I am going to do what I have really put off doing
because I know what it can do to a person as an intercessor.  I'm going to
pray that God does whatever it takes to show Gretchen He is Lord of her life
regardless of what she thinks.

Phil.