----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Reeva Parry" <[log in to unmask]>
To: "Debthe80squeen" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, September 30, 2007 4:15 PM
Subject: SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER:


> SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER
>
>
> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on
> envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope
> that needs sealing.
>
> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about
> to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
>
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
> $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in
> their special e-mail program.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
> for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
> freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
> buffalo on a hot day.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward
> an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
>
> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
> remove toilet stains.
>
> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car
> so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
>
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
> products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
>
> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>
> And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave
> anymore because it will blow up in my face ... disfiguring me for life.
>
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
> with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume
> sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
> actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>
> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
> American troops or the Salvation Army.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
> for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
> Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
> their recipe.
>
> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
> African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death
> when it bites my behind.
>
> And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in
the
> parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
> underneath my car to grab my leg.
>
> I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
> companies!
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
> minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
> this afternoon
> and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a
> hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a
friend of
> my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
> beautician.
>
>
> Have a wonderful day. ...
>
> Oh, by the way ......
>
> A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has
> discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their
> e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
>
> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
>
>