Kathy,

I was thrilled to read this long update and to know that Matt is fine after 
the accident.  I know the car will be sorted.

I am sure you can't wait to be reunited and have a real honeymoon together. 
(I'll leave you to it!  <SMILE>)

Reading more about Chris and in particular is situation with Nicki, my Mike 
had a very similar relationship (without the sex aspect) with a girl when 
they were teenagers and she threatened to kill herself no end of times if he 
should break it off.  Life was a bit of a mess for her after her sister was 
killed in a plain crash, but that made her all the more determined to force 
Mike into getting married quickly.  He wasn't ready!  Eventually, despite 
all her comments and pleas, he had to break it off with her.  For him it 
worked and, seemingly, for her also.  She went out and found herself someone 
else very quickly and they were married within the year (which she so badly 
wanted to do, to get married before the age at which her sister died).

I just mention this because I feel strongly that Chris should not and does 
not need to be bound by Nicki's threats of suicide.  He will not be 
responsible for taking her life but merely ending a relationship.

Love in Him:




--
Carol
[log in to unmask]


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, May 05, 2006 1:26 PM
Subject: Please pray for Matt


> Hi guys,
> Well, I'm headed to Portland today for a honey moon with my sweety.  It's 
> nine hours and counting.  I can't wait.  Unfortunately,  The situation is 
> a bit concerning because Matt had a small car accident last night and 
> we're kind of leaving him to have to work things out.  I have little clue 
> what to do and Greg has to give directions by phone so this will 
> definitely be a maturing experience for Matt, to say the least.  Matt is 
> fine.  The car appears to have sustained only front end damage.  Who knows 
> what this will do to our car insurance.  Greg has called a member of the 
> congregation to go with Matt to look at the car and decide what to do from 
> there.  Right now, it is in the parking lot where Matt works.  He feels 
> aweful, but like I told him, I'm just glad he's okay.  He's irreplaceable.
> What I'm really praising God for is how well both Greg and I stayed calm 
> through the whole thing and got our priorities correct in putting our 
> son's life above the car.  I think that, earlier, we would have been a 
> little more judgmental, but having gone through what we have been through 
> with Chris has really helped us to see more clearly what is important and 
> what is unimportant.
> By the way, I had a nice long talk with Chris again this week.  He is 
> really itching to get together with us, but I had to put him off because 
> of scheduling and so forth.  This was good because he sees very clearly 
> that we are treating him as an adult and not just clinging to him and 
> connecting with him on his terms.  He did go down and take is pre-test for 
> preparing for his G.E.D. studies.  He's wishing that he could get out of 
> his relationship with Nicki, but he is afraid that she will kill herself 
> if he breaks it off.  He is feeling resigned to his fate of having to 
> marry her because they've had sex, and I was able to talk with him about 
> God's forgiveness and Grace and how God is the God of second chances.  I 
> talked about him taking the time to find himself and do some deep soul 
> searching and he was kind of shocked.  He asked me if I had been talking 
> to his last therapist.  I assured him that I had not, but he was amazed 
> that, without collusion, we had both been saying the same things.  He 
> seems to be really thinking now.  I think that he is regreting some of his 
> choices.  He said that if it hadn't been for Nicki, he'd probably still be 
> home and in school and driving and more on track.  This helped confirm for 
> me, however, a decision that Greg and I had already made that we will 
> probably not let him come home, even if he asks.  At a distance, Chris 
> treats us with respect, and we do better at keeping our opinions to 
> ourselves.  It is very hard not to slip back into the parent child 
> relationship when an adult child moves back home for a season.  We've seen 
> that in our relationship with Matt.  Old patterns are very hard to break. 
> While I'll miss Matt, I'm glad that he's moving back to Michigan this 
> June.  It is good for both boys to continue to strive for independence and 
> adulthood.
> Well guys, I'm off for a wonderful weekend.  Please just pray for safety 
> for all of us.
> God's peace to you all!
> Kathy
>
>
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