At first, balance wasn't  here.  I do understand that our kids do and will
have their own life, I just found the  words hurtful, it was almost as
though  one was ashamed.  I now after a few days thought, realize that it is
not wanting to be noticed.  Guess Christa wouldn't mind being noticed for
looking "hot" as they say, but  being noticed as the girl who drives around
her "MOTHEr, WHO  Is "blind and has a dog!!!!"  that's not the attention she
wants.  Lately  it is hard to  get the girls to realize that they should
contribute in some way, seems to me they come and go, only coming in to take
a shower, and eat! Leaving me with the dishes and dirty towels!!  Resentment
can brew on both sides.  It is a transition, going from  a child to an
adult, it didn't magically happen because Christa graduated, or turned 18.
There are still things she needs to learn.
One day, she will realize I was smart about some things, but for now she
knows just how her life should go, ah well! Live and learn...and sometimes
just live.
I do want to be where Ben and I can be more independent about my going to
college, and the doctor appointments he needs to attend.  If one of the
girls happens to be able to help with such things someties-great, if not, I
will be in a place where other options will be available to me.  
Rhonda

-----Original Message-----
From: The Electronic Church [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of B Dunse
Sent: Sunday, June 04, 2006 4:42 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: a parent question

Rhonda1,
I think moving  closer to the college and doctors is wise.  The attitude 
of Christa is that of a rebelling kid, really not much different than that 
of a parent without a noticeable disability, it is just it is an easy 
target to pick on the blindness, and one would hope a child would be more 
sensitive to your struggles in life at times with that. I suppose you 
might even take it as a compliment that she feels you are strong enough to 
hear her immature view, if you were a weak person she might well be more 
mindful of not crushing your emotions out of pity's sake. And I know you 
are not one who wishes to be pittied, your independence and "go getter 
done" attitude shows that.  Anyway, that said, it is good to poise 
yourself towards not being dependent upon the kids for anything, they will 
have and do have lives of their own and will not be there on such a 
convenient time frame to do stuff and so it is good to prepare. I also do 
agree with Kathy's assessment of  kids not  given a choice of the parent 
and that sometimes we do expect more of them than others. I know I have 
done that. And yes it was some times proper and right to expect such as 
they are a part of the household, but it can be a worn out record for 
them, especially with such easy tasks as "Can you read what this says on 
my computer, the speech just cut out on me again" lol. To us it is 
critical, to them it is... "For crying out loud, another reading task". 
Unless they were in our shoes I don't think they realize how important 
those menial tasks can be at times. I had to be mindful of scheduling 
things a bit more if I needed help rather than off cuff just ask and 
expect results right now. Sounds like you have things in a good and 
balanced perspective, you are gifted in that regard.

Brad


on 09:50 AM 6/3/2006, Rhonda Partain said:

I understand not making our kids responsible to transport us everywhere, 
but
I am speaking of a give and take relationship.  We gave her the car,  she
didn't pay anything on  it, we've paid the insurance most of the time, she
just recently started paying it herself, we've helped with repairs,  and 
now
that we need  something in return, she doesn't want to help.  I put a 
notice
on the college board, so some other student will probably want the money I
was going to give her.
There are certain things each member of a family does to contribute to the
family, one might be responsible to cut the grass, is he obligated to do
that, or does he do that just because he is a part of the family and that 
is
his job?
Granted, no one really wants to cut the grass, do the dishes, or sweep the
family room floor, but each one does something.
That is why I want to move closer to the college, we are about 13 miles 
away
now *you would think it was around fifty* all  the problems it's 
causing.
I mainly just felt hurt, she said  I was like a sore thumb and I stuck out
because I'm blind and have a guide dog!
I guess I had hoped  she would gbe proud her mother was going back to
college, it is a challenge to be sure.
I know I sh ouldn't take  it so personally, teens don't always feel close 
to
their parents, but I still felt sad.  I will make other arrangements,  I
told Christa we were looking for a house in Carrollton, and she could move
with us if she wanted to.  She said she doesn't like most houses in
Carrollton, I told her she could move with us, or  do something else but I
needed to be close to the college.

Rhonda

-----Original Message-----
From: The Electronic Church [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of Kathy Du Bois
Sent: Saturday, June 03, 2006 7:13 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: a parent question

Rhonda,
          I know that every parenting situation is different.  For us,
even though Greg is sighted, we had decided that our kids would have
to earn the money for their drivers education and when they received
their drivers licence, they would be responsible for their part of
the car insurance until they moved out on their own.  We would cover
maintenance costs if they were using our car, but they would have to
pay for the gas.  When they move out, they move out completely.  They
get a car in their name and insurance.    This explains why Chris
still doesn't have a car, but that's just his tough luck.

          As far as Christa's attitude toward helping you out, well, I
can understand how her reaction can be disappointing, but I can see
both sides of the coin, so to speak.  You are offering, what seems to
be a fair, contractual agreement, but as with all contracts, she does
have the right to refuse.  Granted, she's not refusing for very noble
reasons, but she is a teen still, after all.  I believe that we, as
blind parents, need to work hard at not taking our children for
granted.  This can really breed resentment in our children if they
are the ones we always lean  on first, to help us out.  After all, on
their part, it's not a strictly  volunteer situation.  They didn't
ask to have us as parents.  It's not their fault that we need more
help than other  parents.  We would cut other people who help us out
some slack, so I think that we need to be at least as gracious toward
our kids.
          Is there anyone from your new church that heads in that
direction who could give you a ride, at least sometimes?  It wouldn't
hurt to ask.  I think that Christa will eventually come around and be
glad to help.  I think that the key is not making her feel
obligated.  Some kids don't mind helping their parents out, but
others want their freedom.  They do deserve this  as a right of
passage into adulthood.
Just my thoughts,
Kathy


At 10:08 PM 6/1/2006, you wrote:
 >Hi, have a question for all you visually impaired or blind parents with
 >sighted teens:
 >Ben and I bought Christa a car, a 200 Kooger about a year ago.  We have
 >payed the insurance until Ben started r3eceiving a Ssdi check for 
Christa,
 >he gave her part of the money and she payed her insurance with it.  We 
no
 >longer get the check for her since she is now 18.  The thing is, her car
 >recently had a lot of work done, a fuel pump which was 500 dollars,  I 
gave
 >her 180 and Ben gave her 100 she paid the rest from graduation money 
that
 >she got from friends and family.
 >Now...in the Fall we will both be going to the same college.  Jenna and
 >Austin are thinking of moving to  Carrollton the town in which the 
college
 >is located.  The college is about 13 miles from where I currently live.
So,
 >I asked Christa if she wouldn't mind if I rode in to college with her, I
 >would give her money for gas I get a millage allowance from rehab.  She
said
 >that kids shouldn't go to college with their parents, and since I have
 >Bowers my guide dog I stick out like a sore thumb!!
 >I didn't want Jenna to have to come the 13 miles from where she will 
live
to
 >pick me up only to go back to the college, it semed  foolish since 
Christa
 >and I were going to the same place.
 >I felt hurt, as though somehow Christa w4ere ashamed of me, instead of
being
 >proud her Mom was going back to school and would be a junior in the 
Fall,
 >she doesn't want to be seen with me.  I understand that kids don't want 
to
 >be with their parents, but  do you think I'm being to sensitive?
 >I have decided that Ben and I will look for a h ouse closer to school.
 >There is a transportation service that only would help me with
 >transportation if I lived in Carrol County, so perhaps we can find a 
house
 >there.
 >Rhonda