I understand not making our kids responsible to transport us everywhere, but
I am speaking of a give and take relationship.  We gave her the car,  she
didn't pay anything on  it, we've paid the insurance most of the time, she
just recently started paying it herself, we've helped with repairs,  and now
that we need  something in return, she doesn't want to help.  I put a notice
on the college board, so some other student will probably want the money I
was going to give her.  
There are certain things each member of a family does to contribute to the
family, one might be responsible to cut the grass, is he obligated to do
that, or does he do that just because he is a part of the family and that is
his job?
Granted, no one really wants to cut the grass, do the dishes, or sweep the
family room floor, but each one does something. 
That is why I want to move closer to the college, we are about 13 miles away
now *you would think it was around fifty* all  the problems it's causing.  
I mainly just felt hurt, she said  I was like a sore thumb and I stuck out
because I'm blind and have a guide dog!
I guess I had hoped  she would gbe proud her mother was going back to
college, it is a challenge to be sure. 
I know I sh ouldn't take  it so personally, teens don't always feel close to
their parents, but I still felt sad.  I will make other arrangements,  I
told Christa we were looking for a house in Carrollton, and she could move
with us if she wanted to.  She said she doesn't like most houses in
Carrollton, I told her she could move with us, or  do something else but I
needed to be close to the college.

Rhonda

-----Original Message-----
From: The Electronic Church [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of Kathy Du Bois
Sent: Saturday, June 03, 2006 7:13 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: a parent question

Rhonda,
         I know that every parenting situation is different.  For us, 
even though Greg is sighted, we had decided that our kids would have 
to earn the money for their drivers education and when they received 
their drivers licence, they would be responsible for their part of 
the car insurance until they moved out on their own.  We would cover 
maintenance costs if they were using our car, but they would have to 
pay for the gas.  When they move out, they move out completely.  They 
get a car in their name and insurance.    This explains why Chris 
still doesn't have a car, but that's just his tough luck.

         As far as Christa's attitude toward helping you out, well, I 
can understand how her reaction can be disappointing, but I can see 
both sides of the coin, so to speak.  You are offering, what seems to 
be a fair, contractual agreement, but as with all contracts, she does 
have the right to refuse.  Granted, she's not refusing for very noble 
reasons, but she is a teen still, after all.  I believe that we, as 
blind parents, need to work hard at not taking our children for 
granted.  This can really breed resentment in our children if they 
are the ones we always lean  on first, to help us out.  After all, on 
their part, it's not a strictly  volunteer situation.  They didn't 
ask to have us as parents.  It's not their fault that we need more 
help than other  parents.  We would cut other people who help us out 
some slack, so I think that we need to be at least as gracious toward 
our kids.
         Is there anyone from your new church that heads in that 
direction who could give you a ride, at least sometimes?  It wouldn't 
hurt to ask.  I think that Christa will eventually come around and be 
glad to help.  I think that the key is not making her feel 
obligated.  Some kids don't mind helping their parents out, but 
others want their freedom.  They do deserve this  as a right of 
passage into adulthood.
Just my thoughts,
Kathy


At 10:08 PM 6/1/2006, you wrote:
>Hi, have a question for all you visually impaired or blind parents with
>sighted teens:
>Ben and I bought Christa a car, a 200 Kooger about a year ago.  We have
>payed the insurance until Ben started r3eceiving a Ssdi check for Christa,
>he gave her part of the money and she payed her insurance with it.  We no
>longer get the check for her since she is now 18.  The thing is, her car
>recently had a lot of work done, a fuel pump which was 500 dollars,  I gave
>her 180 and Ben gave her 100 she paid the rest from graduation money that
>she got from friends and family.
>Now...in the Fall we will both be going to the same college.  Jenna and
>Austin are thinking of moving to  Carrollton the town in which the college
>is located.  The college is about 13 miles from where I currently live.
So,
>I asked Christa if she wouldn't mind if I rode in to college with her, I
>would give her money for gas I get a millage allowance from rehab.  She
said
>that kids shouldn't go to college with their parents, and since I have
>Bowers my guide dog I stick out like a sore thumb!!
>I didn't want Jenna to have to come the 13 miles from where she will live
to
>pick me up only to go back to the college, it semed  foolish since Christa
>and I were going to the same place.
>I felt hurt, as though somehow Christa w4ere ashamed of me, instead of
being
>proud her Mom was going back to school and would be a junior in the Fall,
>she doesn't want to be seen with me.  I understand that kids don't want to
>be with their parents, but  do you think I'm being to sensitive?
>I have decided that Ben and I will look for a h ouse closer to school.
>There is a transportation service that only would help me with
>transportation if I lived in Carrol County, so perhaps we can find a house
>there.
>Rhonda