Kathy,

Isn't that something? He  breaks the house rules, and yet he  is the one
getting angry. We had a situation or need to search our sons room/car once
based off some info we were approached on, thankfully that was only a
short time of curiosity which  scared the heck out of him. Anyway, I felt
the need to search was not an invasion of privacy as there was an illegal
action and therefore right to privacy was forfeited by him. I explained
this to him as well, and expressed disappointment that he put me in a such
a position and that trust was broken. I've always stressed the need for
trust among family members, as what else is the relationship worth without
it. Over the years times it has been broken but not without a deeper sense
of loss than the deed , lie, or whatever itself. I know that has been
severely abused by Chris, but perhaps that can be a part of your
explanation to him for what it is worth to him. This happened twice and I
had no guilt or problem searching. It was for his safety and  proper
addressing of the issue. No matter the age, anyone living in my home and
performs a illegal act has voluntarily forfeited their rights to privacy.
Perhaps this disclosure is best. After all if he asked you out right, what
other choice did you have? Lie to him and say no, and expect him then to
tell you the truth? No matter how he suspected the phone tap, you did
right by your answer. Oh, one more tip Katherine , never, never, never and
I mean never call your child by their full name lol, they know trouble is
up and it sets them off immediately. Praying for a peaceful and enjoyable
vacation. Do not let Chris rob you of that.

Brad

on 05:22 PM 7/29/2005, Kathy Du Bois said:
Well guys,
         Thank you for the advice.  My inttention was to follow the wisdom
offered
here and wait to talk to the therapist.  Unfortunately, it didn't work out
that way.  Chris came in this morning as I was reading my email.  I don't
know if he saw anything, but he asked me point blank if I had heard
anything interesting on the phone lately.  I paused for a moment and then
decided that honesty is the best policy so I said, "yes."  He asked me
what
and I said, "I love you very much christopher."  Then he started getting
angry.  I think that he thought that I was dodging his question, but I got
up  and asked him to come with me to talk to Greg.  When we got into my
bedroom, I told Greg that Chris had asked me straight out if I had heard
anything interesting and Greg agreed with me that we should just tell the
truth.  We asked to see Chris's wrists.  At first he resisted, but he
finally took the bandage off.  It is four small cuts.  We talked to him
about the point that this isn't the way to handle frustration or
disappointment and we asked him to talk to his therapist about this next
week.  He said that he would, but of course, we'll still be giving the
therapist the heads up as well.    What a time to go on vacation!!
         Chris is  angry at the invasion of privacy.  I understand this,
but we
have also tried to explain that we believe that we must do some monitering
for safety reasons.  If he would repent and start making smarter
decisions,
we wouldn't have to do this, but as long as we are responsible for him, we
want to know what he won't tell us.
         93 days and he turns 18.  This next Tuesday, we are going to
review a
contract with him, with the help of a court ordered  family counselor
concerning what we expect if he is to remain here, especially after he
turns 18.  I rather doubt, at this point, however, that he will.  Where he
will go, I don't know, but our family can't keep going through this
craziness.
         I know that, from my messages, you guys probably have a hard time
figuring
out whether life is better or worse for our family.  Well, every day is
different.  Sometimes its okay and sometimes, like today, it is worse, but
it sure isn't a picnic.
Kathy