TRYING TO CONTROL OTHERS


Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own 
understanding (Proverbs 3:5).


When a person's self-worth or success hinges on the achievement of a 
goal which can be blocked or which is uncertain or impossible, how 
will he respond to those who frustrate his goals? Often he will 
attempt to control or manipulate the people or circumstances who 
stand between him and his success.

For example, a pastor's goal is to have the finest youth ministry in 
the community. But one of his board members blocks his goal by 
insisting that a music ministry is more important. Every attempt by 
the pastor to hire a youth pastor is vetoed by the influential board 
member who wants to hire a music director first. The pastor wrongly 
perceives that his sense of worth and success in ministry is on the 
line. So he shifts into a power mode to push the stumbling block out 
of the way. He looks for a way to change the opposition's mind or 
remove him from the board because he believes that his success in 
ministry is dependent on reaching his goal of a great  youth ministry.

A mother believes that her self-worth is dependent on her children 
behaving in a certain way. Her goal is to raise perfect 
little  Christians who will become pastors or missionaries. But as 
the children reach their teen years and begin to express 
their  independence, their behavior doesn't always match their 
mother's ideal. So instead of helping them grow through adolescence 
and  releasing them into adulthood, she tries to control them.

It is not hard to understand why people try to control others. They 
believe that their worth is dependent on other people and 
circumstances. This is a false belief as evidenced by the fact that 
the most insecure people you will ever meet are manipulators 
and  controllers of others. But people who are secure in their 
identity in Christ don't need to control others. Their goal is to be 
the leader,  spouse, parent or employee that God wants them to be 
because nothing can keep them from being what God wants them to be 
but  themselves.


Lord, I affirm that my worth is based on my relationship with You and 
that I am free to become the person You want me to be.