Here is something that happened to me recently.  It is sort of done but I
likely will make some minor changes before putting it on my website.

Once I Was Blind But Now I See


By Phil Scovell





     A man had called and scheduled a time of prayer in my office
for the first time.   When he had made the appointment, I had been
in the middle of doing something, I forget what just now, and I
failed, not only to ask for the man's phone number, but I never
even gave him instructions about where my office was.  I normally
tell people, especially those coming to my office, about my
website and if they are on the internet, I recommend some reading
of the testimonies on my site before they come.  I failed even to
do that this time.

     Something else I also do when people are coming to my office
the first time, and I am certain some blind people would strongly
disagree with this practice, but I inform the person coming to my
office that I am blind.  Why, you may ask?  Because, I figure it
is only fair.  I still find people who have never met a blind
person in their life and I still find people who are uncomfortable
praying with a blind person.  In fact, I have been told, by more
than one person, I cannot do what I do because you have to be able
to see.  Since I have friends who are practicing psychologists who
are blind, and since I am not even a counselor but just pray with
people as a pastor, I figure, even as a blind person, I should be
able to do what the Lord has called me to do, regardless of what
others think or feel.  I still consider it to be honest to inform
the person coming to my office that I am blind just in case they
personally prefer not to come to a blind person for ministry.  I
failed to do this recently with the man coming to my office for
the first time.

     A couple of hours before he arrived, I was thinking about all
of this and praying for him often throughout the day.  What I was
really doing is praying, that is, exchanging my thoughts with God,
but I realize some have no idea what I am talking about so that is
why I said I was thinking about all of this before the man came.
I thought, "What if he doesn't want a blind person to pray with
him and he feels so uncomfortable, since I didn't warn him ahead
of time, that he prefers to leave?"  When this thought crossed my
mind, I heard myself, inside, laugh.  My answer?  "So what."  For
the first time in my life, I realized something was different
inside and I didn't care if I was blind.  Something had
spiritually changed.  I cannot explain this feeling because,
frankly, I never knew it existed to tell the truth, so this new
thought was a big surprise to me.  Yet, I laughed about it and
that was even more surprising.

     Does this mean, therefore, I was hyper sensitive about being
blind?  Not that I know of, no.  Does it mean I must have felt
shame of some type concerning being blind?  No, I know it doesn't
mean that.  Does it mean, I was sad, mad, angry, upset,
frustrated, depressed, disappointed, discouraged, annoyed, broken,
freaked out, miserable, unbalanced, maladjusted, or any other
negative emotional psycho dynamics you want to identify?  Maybe
all of the above but I know I rarely ever thought about being
blind.  So what's the difference now?  Something changed and the
question in my mind was not mine.  Perhaps I should explain what I
just said.

     When I say, I exchange my thoughts with God, that means I am
praying.  When I say, I am exchanging my thoughts for God's, that
means I am taking ever thought captive and letting the Lord's
thoughts become mine.  That is called faith.  Well, that's what I
call it.  Let me identify what I think really was going on.

     I believe the Enemy uses anything, and everything, he can to
try and keep us from developing a personal relationship with the
True Lord Jesus Christ.  Blindness, and all of the ramifications
that go along with it, is just one thing the Enemy can use.  I
could probably name at least 100 other things he uses but I'll let
you do the math.  You can start with divorce, sexual abuse,
homosexuality, pedophilia, gossip, lying, immorality, emotional
traumatization of any sort, victimization of any sort, grief from
the loss of a loved one, and there are ten right off the bat.  I
felt as if I failed God once because the church I pastored folded.
You don't think the Enemy used that one against me?  It took me
three years of lost works to recover from that one and another 10
years before the truth came and set me free.  May I point out, how
I felt wasn't sin and I had done nothing wrong?  The Enemy even
uses things that aren't sin to entrap a person.

     By now, I think you already are beginning to think about
what I am saying and, most likely, beginning to identify other
areas of your own life which can be used against you for the same
reasons.  If such is the case, it isn't me, it is the Holy Spirit
ministering to you because He, the Holy Spirit, wants to bring us
closer, much closer, to Jesus.  Sometimes we are not able to reach
a conclusion on our own.  This is where accountability comes in as
one of the most valuable tools of relationship available to the
Body of Christ.  Unfortunately, such accountability is rarely
available in most churches.  I am, though, available, on the other
hand.

     Let me also expand my feelings about the change which was
made aware to me by the Holy Spirit.  The next day, when I was
thinking and meditating on what I had learned, I tried to describe
the actual emotional feeling I had at that moment of awareness.
When it came, it almost knocked me over because it was that
physical in nature.  The feeling I had of "So what," was the
actual feeling as if I were not blind in the first place.  I know
that sounds ridiculously weird but it was the identifiable emotion
at that very moment.  I literally, felt as if I were suddenly not
blind at all.  What does all this mean?  I have a pretty good idea
but most people reading this wouldn't believe it even if I
explained it.  So, instead, let's just let God be God.  He's the
only one who knows the truth anyhow.

     Now, if you are blind and reading this, your personal
feelings probably are telling you, "But I've adjusted to my
blindness."  Me, too.  Sure, I had thoughts over the passed 41
years of blindness that a lot of things could be much simpler if
I weren't blind.  If you can show me a blind person who hasn't had
such thoughts, please put me in touch with them because I would
like to personally meet them.  At any rate, I had been to the
rehabilitation organizations and the school for the blind so I had
been programmed to think unblind just like everyone else who is
blind.  So, in short, I've been happy throughout the last 40 years
plus of my life. Even after fifteen eye surgeries.

     My point is, however, being adjusted is not being free.  It
is somewhat like the sinner.  He may live a Godly life, or attempt
to, by going to church, reading the bible, praying to the God of
creation, even worshiping Him, but it does not mean he has ever
been born again.  In fact, he may live all those good things just
to attempt to prove to himself that he is God worthy.  It isn't
his worthiness that counts; it is the worthiness of the True Lord
Jesus Christ that makes the difference.  If one embraces this,
according to Scripture, and calls upon the name of the Lord to be
save, he is set free from works and the destruction of sin.  In my
testimony I am attempting to explain, the same is true, that is,
the truth sets us free as born again believers.  In short, the
person living a Godly life without being born again my feel
spiritually adjusted but he isn't free of destruction and eternal
damnation.

     If you are not free and have no one with which to pray, call
me.

Safe Place Fellowship
Phil Scovell
Denver, Colorado USA
Mountain Time Zone
303-507-5175


Has He Ever Crossed Your Mind?
www.SafePlaceFellowship.com