I Hate God


By Phil Scovell



     One thing I try and teach those with whom I pray, is about
how demons use thoughts and emotions, or feelings, to deceive us. 
Nearly everyone reading this article has experienced such thoughts
and feelings, and probably many times throughout your Christian
walk with the Lord, but likely have never determined its identity. 
I could describe a lot of things people experience, or feelings,
physically, and perhaps emotionally, too, when the Enemy is
tossing his fiery darts, but let me begin with one that is common.

     You may hear in your thoughts, not an audible voice you
understand, but just thoughts within your thoughts, "You are a
lousy Christian."  This can vary widely, from being the worst
sinner on the planet, doomed to hell, or even accusations that
you deserve how you feel because you are a wicked, mean, evil
person.  I'd had people sit across from my desk tell me, "If
people knew what I really was down inside, they would hate me and
stay as far away from me as possible."  When I pray about what
they just said and try probing deeper, they often describe that
inner feeling that frightens them about themselves is evil.  Some
may even confess they have Satan in them or a devil or demon and
conclude that must be why they think and feel the way they do
about themselves.  Likewise, few Christian believe lying spirits
use feelings, their own feelings, the confuse and to deceive.

     Let me explain another level, a more sinister level, of
deception the Enemy uses against us many times and that is the
direct approach.

     Recently, I was going through some things in my own life that
were incredibly stressful.  That doesn't mean, in particular, it
was demonic, but it could just have easily been the stress and
tension of every day life.  At least three times, I believe it
was, and all over a period of a couple of days, in my thoughts I
heard, "I hate you God."  Woe horse!  I mean, here is one way, we
immediately think, of eternal condemnation, the unpardonable sin,
and blasphemies against God, on the fly, as it were.  In fact, we
are lucky we don't get struck by lighting when something like that
passes through our thoughts.  Right?  If a person reacts favorably
to such a thought, that is, agrees with it as legitimate, all
hell breaks loose.  All sorts of things get conjured up and
invoked.  For example, "Well, this confirms it.  I'm going to
hell.  I deserve it, too after thinking such a heinous and
nefarious thought."  This is, of course, only the beginning. 
Many people, young or old, can begin to experience all sorts of
such thoughts  Some even begin acting out based upon those thing. 
Getting drunk so often until you think you've killed the thoughts
in your brain, getting so high you can't see the ground, living
immorally, heterosexually or homosexually, just to have some
degree of pleasure to try and override the horrible thoughts, and
some get involved in new age, which are really old age, religious
practices to try and clear their mind of the evil thoughts they
think they are having.  Some even join cults to try and filter
out, or at least tone down, the horrible thoughts in their minds. 
Some even turn to violence.  How many of the satellite and cable
shows have you seen of serial killers where their neighbors,
after finding out he killed 38 people in the last four years, say,
"Oh, he was such a nice guy.  He took out my trash, shoveled my
walk, and even mowed my lawn," while all the time they were living
next door to a murderer.  How do you suppose those types of
horrible people got to be murderers?  Do you suppose they just
awakened one morning and said, "I feel like killing someone today,
cutting off their head, and having sex with the corps?  Of course
that isn't the way it begins.  They generally all have gotten a
mighty good jump start from being physically, and generally,
sexually, abused as children.  I remember one such program I watch
of a guy who killed a couple of young women and in prison, he told
about his dad who always talked about how much he hated him as his
son, always physically beat him, sometimes for nothing he had
done, and once he picked up his dog, tossed the dog into the air
as high as he could, and shot the dog in front of the little boy
before his dog could hit the ground.  That poor little boy had no
chance because his immature mind could not, in any logical way,
sort out all that was happening to him.  In every serial program I
have watched, and I deliberately watch many of them, I wait until
they talk about the murderer and his life that led up to a life of
murderous crime.  They all, every one, have similar horrid
childhood beginnings.  I've even heard them, after killing dozens
of people, say, "The voices in my head told me to do it and the
only way I could silence the voices is to do what they said." 
Well, excuse me, but that ain't God talking in their head so whom
do you suppose it might be?  No, I'm not saying they shouldn't be
imprisoned, in fact, I'm not even suggesting they shouldn't be put
to death for their crimes.  I am saying, these horrible cases
developed often by being jump started in some very traumatic and
cadaverous ways.  Let's go back to the every day experience,
however, and focus on that, instead of the worst, in order to gain
greater spiritual insight.

     As I said, or started to say, I recently experienced, in my
thoughts, what normally used to be a quite unsettling and
disturbing thought: "I hate you God."  In times past, this thought
would be accompanied by an apprehensive flush of anxiety and fear
that would blow the needle off the panic meter.  You see, the
flush of sudden anxiety feeling confirmed the thought must be
true.

     One day, I was sitting on a chair just off the edge of the
driveway keeping track of my two little grandsons riding their
trikes.  This same identical thought, and feeling, slammed into me
like a truck running over my body.  I immediately freaked.  "Oh,
my God!  I must be an evil person.  Why, I can't be saved.  No
born again Christian would ever even think such a thing."  That is
what I normally began to embellish in my thoughts, emotions
corresponded to confirm the thought.  However, I had been having
some healing experiences which were making me more attuned to the
voice, or thoughts, of  the Holy Spirit, than the Enemy.  So, when
this thought penetrated my thinking patterns, the emotional
counterpart accompanied the thought so I would be deceived into
thinking that I really, deep down inside, hate God.  This time, on
the other hand, something unique occurred.  A split second the
thought invaded my thoughts and the feeling slammed into my body,
I sucked in my breath out of fear that this was who I really was
deep down inside.  The next second, my thoughts said, "Hey, wait
just a minute.  I don't hate God and never have.  Holy cow!  this
is a lying spirit attacking my mind.  Oh, great!"  This joyful
attitude arose because I had already learned, the origin of such
thoughts were not coming from deep inside of me but they were
lies of the Enemy always coming from the outside.  I said, "Oh,
god.  This is wonderful.  Now I can pray and find where this lying
spirit is," and I opened my mouth to pray.  It was too late.  The
lying spirit instantly recognized my awareness of his identity
through his thoughts he was putting in my mind and his emotions he
was putting on my feelings, and it was like a sonic boom just
exploded.  Something I felt, spiritually speaking, on my back,
blew off like dynamite had just gone off.  In my thoughts, my
mind's eye sort of speak, he blew miles backward and guess what? 
The anxiety began to slowly subside until it eventually went away
all together.

     So, when this recently happened again, honestly, you'd think
they would change tactics after awhile, the instant the thoughts,
"I hate God," invaded my thoughts, I stopped what I was doing
before the feelings of fear and anxiety could be dumped on me by
the demonic presence and I prayed against the lies of the lying
spirit and all those who might be working under his authority. 
The anxiety never reached my feelings once during the three times
this happened because I took the thought captive the second I
heard it in my mind.  My point is this.  The lying spirit spoke in
the first person, "I hate God."  That made it sound like I said it
but I couldn't say such a thing because I have the Holy Spirit
dwelling in my spirit and He, the Holy Spirit, always agrees with
the Scriptures, the Word and voice of God, and never lies.  Thus,
the Holy Spirit came along side of me and assisted me is seeing
the lie instantly and the lie never was able to take a foothold in
my thoughts or feelings.

     We often forget that it is our spirit, where the Holy Spirit
dwells, that is born again.  Glorification doesn't take place,
that is, the salvation of our body and soul, until Jesus comes. 
Think of it in terms of our Lord's own resurrection.  He needed no
blood then because all three parts, body, soul, and spirit, were
glorified in one body so He did not have the same existence as he
did when He was born of a virgin.  You understand what I mean? 
Think about it for awhile and while you are thinking, take every
thought captive when necessary.


It Sounds Like God To Me.
www.SafePlaceFellowship.com