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Well, I have debated posting this here but I am just not sure what to do at
this point.  I will warn you this is a bit long so please bear with me.

I was diagnosed with celiac in January and went GF immediately.  (Hard to
believe it's been almost a year!)  Anyway, since then, for the most part
friends & family have been mostly understanding.  My husband has been
incredibly supportive, and doesn't complain about the changes that have
impacted his life as well as mine.

I am, however, running into problems with my in-laws.  Despite the numerous
conversations we have had with them about the significance of my condition,
etc, they just don't seem to be "getting it."  My mother-in-law in
particular.  The most significant example of this is that this past year
over Labor Day weekend, my husband & I went on a trip with his family to St
Louis.  We did research on what restaurants I could eat at, etc, etc.  They
were also camping, so that would present it's own challenges.  We did not
have our own car so we were "locked in" to their decisions re: traveling,
food, etc.  From the get-go, I was concerned about the trip & didn't want to
go.  I still hadn't been GF that long, and didn't feel ready to travel out
of town yet.  My husband really wanted to go, so I thought I'd make the
effort.  We told his mother that I would need a cabin with a restroom (for
obvious reasons, I did not want to be dealing with a "down the path & around
the corner" latrine or something) and specific meal accomodations, including
requesting to eat at certain restaurants.  After a lot of back-and-forth,
she agreed to those terms, & we went on the trip.  Well, the trip was really
hard.  To start things off, his sister brought along her dog which I am
terribly allergic to (she did not know this), but sharing a 6 hr car ride
with an animal you are allergic to is not much fun.  No one seemed to take
much notice that I was obsessively sneezing and my eyes were tearing like
crazy.  We arrived in St Louis and got to our cabin which had no restroom.
Instead of going to First Watch for breakfast as promised (where they have a
GF menu), we went to Country Kitchen, where the menu states "We are not
responsible for food allergies and cannot guarantee that menu items will not
come into contact with other menu items containing allergens."  Great.  So I
sat there while they all ate their food, laughing, & talking, and I had a
glass of water.  I ended up walking out into the parking lot because I was
so overwhelmed and got very upset, so I called my sister to talk to her
while I was upset.  The bulk of the trip continued this way, and I spent
most of the weekend existing on bologna & Trix cereal.  One night we grilled
out burgers.  She did bring a separate spatula for me to use so there
wouldn't be contamination.  She made a huge production about it and you'd
think it was like she's given me a kidney.  Even though they all had full
burgers & I had a plain beef patty.  Needless to say, the trip was not a
success for me.

Over Thanksgiving, we went to his parent's house for the day.  I took along
my own desserts, bread, etc, so as not to be disappointed.  She did do a
great job with keeping plain turkey available, and keeping aside some plain
vegetables before she made green bean casserole for everyone else.  I
brought along some GF frosted sugar cookies that a friend had made for me,
so I wouldn't be excluded.  I mentioned that I'd be bringing another batch
along at Christmas.

This will be my first GF Christmas.  One of his family's traditions is that
his mother makes these to-die-for frosted sugar cookies.  I have already
spent a lot of "grieving" time over these cookies.  When I told her that I'd
be bringing along mine, she started teasing about how much better her
cookies were, that they were always prettier & would taste better too.  Now
- she was JOKING, and I know that.  Problem is - as you guys will know - it
wasn't funny.

Well now, the woman that makes the cookies for me has had to leave town
until after Christmas, so I won't have any cookies to take with me, and I
know that she will make hers, and that's going to be hard enough for me.
Let alone if she starts commenting on how I can't eat them, ha ha.

I just don't know what to do or what to say to make her "get it" - his
family is very rural and I come from a very urban background.  They seem to
think it's just me being picky or difficult, not the real deal that it is.
We did sit them down & explain all of the complications that celiac can
cause, but it didn't seem to make a difference.  I am a very emotionally
sensitive person and am only barely past the grieving point in celiac.  It
usually doesn't bug me anymore, but when someone throws in my face the fact
that I can't have my favorite holiday foods, I have a problem.  Trying to
talk to her about it hasn't worked.  She clearly does not think that leaving
me out is a problem.  Now that I won't have any cookies to take for myself
(I am not at all skilled in the kitchen), I just feel so frustrated & don't
even want to go visit for Christmas anymore.

She does say that she wants to try & understand, and I do somewhat believe
her.  But she does not get that it is a big deal for me - in an emotional
capacity as well.  She does not get that "living without" is difficult.  She
does not make any extra effort to include me, or to make things safe for me
to eat.  She will hold things out just for me, but that is all.  (My own
mother tends to make her entire meals GF when we are visiting.)

My husband just seems to think "that's the way she is" and there's not much
to be done to change anything.  But I feel like it just gets harder to deal
with every time.  I just feel like I need a way to say something to her -
without being mean - that will help her understand.  I don't want to cause a
huge scene, & I don't want to cry (which unfortunately is not easily
prevented with me sometimes).  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I feel
like such a baby that I can't just "get over it" - but this diet is hard,
and if she could just acknowledge that for once, it would really help
things.  Any advice or sharing of experiences in this area would be very
much appreciated.

Thanks!

-Allyson

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