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I sent this summary last week, but it never was posted.  Here is is again:

Many people came forth with ideas for me (as well as other information that I found very useful) in response to my question about how to celebrate a birthday given that we don’t eat cake (even the GF kind) and had nothing to stick the candles into!  Several people
said that they also had left the path of baked goods and alternative flours, and found they did much better.  Some of us also have found soy to be very suspect.  A few people wrote about the Specific Carbohydrate Diet and recommended the book
Breaking the Vicious Cycle for information and recipes.

Thanks very much to everyone!  I was inspired to keep trying and think “outside the box.”  Some of the suggestions reminded me that the celebration, not the food, makes the event and the memories.  Here’s a summary:

A number of people suggested an ice cream cake:

Ice cream "cakes", when well-frozen after assembly, can support
candles.  Many Breyers flavors are w/o added emulsifiers and GF.

Breyers vanilla which has very simple, quality ingredients and doesn't seem to cause any problems for us.  You could dress it up with some fruit and whipped cream.

How about an ice cream cake, with no cake filling. Such as Baskin Robbins vanilla & rainbow sherbert.  Be sure to tell them no cake or filling (an extra $5.00 charge, at least at B.R. but it's worth it!

If your daughter eats ice cream, have you considered making an ice cream cake?  I fill a spring lock cake pan with softened ice cream and layers of fruit, etc. and freeze.  It makes a great birthday treat with candles.

How about an ice cream cake that is just two layers of complimentary flavors of ice cream frosted with whipped cream? (Add a little unflavored gelatin to the whip cream during whipping to keep it from getting weepy after a couple of days in the freezer.)

Try an ice cream pie -- you can make one or get a crustless one at Baskin-Robbins.

Also, we have done a home cooked creme brulee type pudding in a large bowl.  If dairy is a problem, check out tofutti

Mold any GF ice cream into an ice cream cake. Cover w/GF candy (ie
Reeses pieces) or melted choc/coconut/crushed nuts, etc.

For my son's last birthday, I made an ice cream cake using Breyer's ice cream and a homemade chocolate sauce. Very yummy, and it holds up candles long enough to be useful!

Soften your favorite ice cream and spread it in a cake pan, put it back in the freezer.  When ready to serve, dip the pan in warm water and unmold. Use two pans and make a two-layer cake.   Top/decorate with whipped cream and fresh strawberries.

Or serve it with a homemade sauce from any combination of your favorite berries, or other fruit cooked with sugar (then cooled) to taste.

Several people had ideas for using fruit:

How about a half watermelon with candles or a pineapple. Pineapple could be decorated with the leaves being the hair and stick something in it to make eyes and mouth after peeling it.  Or a fruit face - banana mouth, eyes of something set in a fruit jelly. I would use cream that had gelatin added to make hair and stick candles in the hair.

Stick [the candles] in a watermelon, cut in a fancy shape, or just in half.  Cut a thick "slice", like 4 inches thick and it would look like a cake.  To serve you'd have to cut it into wedges, but it would look neat!

Carve out watermelon with fruit salad.

Cut a slice from the bottom of any fruit or vegetable so it stands firm, then arrange candles on it in a fun design (e.g. a porcupine potato);

Cut fruit for a "rainbow" salad w/ all the colors of the rainbow in order.

I once saw a really cute idea with watermelon and blueberries with whipped cream, you can surely put the candles in a watermelon.

You could stick the candles into large strawberries or raspberries, arranged creatively atop a fruit salad...

What about skinning and halving (so it will lay flat on a plate) cantaloupe or some other melon and sticking candles in that?  We have some plastic "happy birthday" decorations that also stick in like candles.  I bought them from our bakery.  To add to the idea, maybe you could surround the cantaloupe with alternating honeydew/watermelon balls.  It would be pleasing to the eye, refreshing, nutritious, and very different.

Baking apples for birthdays:  take an apple corer and a flat cake pan, then and core enough apples to set in it.  This is a family affair, because next you stuff the apples with nuts and raisins, or just with nuts and pour molasses down them.  Bake till soft
and serve with cream poured over them, or coconut milk.

Candied apple tower

How about fruit?  Parfaits w/yogurt, nuts, etc.

Here are some ideas for other types of desserts:

I've seen recipes for popcorn cakes...similar to popcorn balls.  Could use marshmallows..like crispy treats, or make a syrup or even one with peanut butter. Recipe below...You would also do a cheesecake & use cereal or nuts to make a crumb crust.  Or you could make a recipe of cookies in a large round pizza pan, like they sell at the cookies store at the mall.

If you and your child are casein intolerant, you will find recipes for cakes made with almond flour in the book Breaking the Vicious Cycle.  Almond flour can be ordered from Lucy's Kitchen (www.lucyskitchenshop.com) and she also has a small cookbook with recipes that can be purchased.  There are no grains used in these and no sugar (honey is the usual sweetener).  Perhaps you might find an acceptable cake for you daughter
from among these.

If you do chocolate, you could do a fondue-type celebration. . .

Do a pavlova cake (meringue with fruit on top)

Try malt o meal cereals [is this really gluten-free, “malt”?]  Dynobites fruity or chocolate crispies as a rice krispie type treat or icecream Sundays with a candle.

Stick a candle in a brie or camembert (traditional French dessert is to
have cheese and fruit after the meal),

Make a flourless fruitcake (I have a recipe but it uses condensed milk
- you can find many with a simple recipe search, too);

Make a flan (custard - and these are very good with coconut milk instead of dairy)...

How about a pie or a fruit crisp? My son likes key lime pie for his birthday. I use almond meal for the crust. And I make fruit crisps using almond meal, chopped nuts, butter and brown sugar for the topping.

We make a cheese cake for a birthday cake. the base with dried coconut and dates - food processor together. We make the filling with cream cheese, cream, a tablespoon of honey, a tin of crushed pineapple including juice and 2 tsp of gelatine (whizz it up ).  Leave to set in the fridge.

We use flans or flourless chocolate tortes for birthdays and other celebrations.  No alternative flours and easy basic ingredients.  There are several good recipes for both at
epicurious.com.

I have used a cake mix from "Causeyourespecial.com" that is very good.
It is just a yellow cake and only makes one layer, but you could use two packages.
We also have used Sylvan Farms cake mix (they carry it at Whole Foods Markets)
and it is good

Raw-food pies - ground nut crusts, fillings of pureed fruits (including dried dates, etc for extra sweetness) and then frozen before serving. Cocoa can even be an ingredient in some, if you like chocolate.

Can she tolerate Vann's gf waffles? I can find them at Kroger and Whole Foods in the frozen foods. I think they are great under strawberries, etc. I use them a lot as a cake substitute, I can eat Bryers icecream and Edy's and that is a good dessert

One year we made Rice Krispie Treats in a rectangular cake pan, and decorated it like a cake.  The children loved it, and we cut it at the table crustless apple "pie" with a sprinkling of cheddar melted for the top crust (I use 3 lbs of apples and 2 TBS sugar in my apple pie - I think it is not a bad way to get some apples into everyone);

I can't think of anything *healthy* to put candles in, but you can make no-grain brownies pretty easily (use almond flour) ... I add a "german chocolate" coconut frosting to the top for a decadent dessert. Recipe below! The frosting uses a lot of egg yolks ... I save the whites to make merangues later (just whip them up, add sugar and coconut, bake).

You can omit the xanthan gum if it bothers you, and use coconut oil (or any fat) instead of butter. Use nut flour to avoid grains. This is very rich and sweet, but fortunately
sugar doesn't bother any of us (though obviously we save this for "occasions"!). The brownie recipe I orignally got from Valerie.

Easy Brownies

Melt in a baking pan (9x9, or a pie plate)
1/2 cup butter
2 squares unsweetened chocloate

Add:
1 T cocoa powder
2 eggs
1/4 cup flour
1 tsp. xanthan gum
2 T applesauce (or any cooked mushy fruit or vegetable)
1 t vanilla

Mix it all up. Then add some chopped nuts and marshmallows, if you
want. Bake at 350 til done (about 30 minutes).
Top with German chocolate frosting if desired

“German Chocolate” Frosting

1 can coconut milk or 1 cup heavy cream
6 egg yolks
1 cup brown sugar or rapadura
1/2 stick butter (or 1/4 cup coconut oil)
A bit of vanilla

Mix it all together and cook until thick. Then add a mess of nuts (roasted chopped nuts are the best)  and coconut.  Excellent by itself, in a tart shell, on a cake, or on brownies.

Last summer while at in-laws in Mexico a Jell-O cake made with different flavored colored Jell-O a little firmer than the normal mix. Cut up into ½ inch cubes and placed into a Barney mold then filled with milk Jell-O made with Knox or any unflavored gelatin sweetened  and flavored with vanilla. When it was set firm, colored food paints artistically applied by my sister-in-law made a perfect cartoonish Barney. This was the Birthday cake. This kind of cake made in more serious molds is common at events and parties in Mexico City. If you make all the Jell-O from unflavored gelatin you can make it with fruit juices for color and flavor. Kids and adults love it and it always looks spectacular. By the way it will hold candles and nobody complains about the lack of icing and sugar rush.

You can make a fabulous cake using your fav old recipe and cornstarch, cup for cup for the wheat flour.  I make "killer brownies"...in archives . . . with it.

And ideas focusing on the candles and the celebration:

Birthdays and such are special occasions when any special touch can make the difference. I don't think candles make the event, but during a special dinner you could always place a pillar candle on the table and it would be bigger than the little candles on a cake and would probably do the trick for your celebration and make a positive impression. I have seen some candles that play a song when the flame is lit.........such as happy birthday.

Gather all of the candles in the house, (or a few) put them in Candle holders and gather them in the middle of the table.  Serve fruit (watermelon, cantelope, fresh peaches, etc.) to your guests. She can blow out the candles in the middle of the table! They don't have to stick into something, do they?  Have party hats, balloons, etc.! Have GF fun!

Make a fun arrangement of candles in something you are not going to eat, such as clay;

I don't know how old your daughter is, but I saw a great "birthday ring" in the Magic Cabin Dolls catalog.   According to the description it is a European birthday tradition.  It is a
wooden ring with twelve holes and 12 little peg people for each hole.  Each birthday you replace one of the little figures with a candle until the child is 12 and all the spaces are full.  Cute idea, I think but it costs $70.  Probably less than 12 years of birthday cakes!  Magic Cabin tel.  888-623-6557.

I don't know what age your children are, but even at my age I look longingly at the precious little candle holders I see in catalogs, with such themes as Mother Goose or a parade of animals - these are nice keepsake traditions that can be used year after year and though they usually hold the candle on a cake, I imagine they would balance just fine on a plate or these other ideas (I never liked having the wax stuck down in
the cake);

After cooking potato chocolate cake that was like a brick for my family for a couple of years - they were very polite and ate it but it was horrible - we just switched when it was my birthday to having candles on the main dinner such as lasagna that was cooked for me as a special treat.  So, strange that it sounds, candles on the main meal.


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