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Dear All,

Here are some words of wisdom on dealing with friends' and families' failed
attempts at serving gf food. Thanks to all for the great suggestions!

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[One person says the following:] After, It will kill me. Gluten will kill me
in time just as eating tiny portions of rat poison will kill you in time.  I
won't feed you rat poison if you won't feed me gluten.
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It seems we're always a child to our parents and maybe to our own children as
well.  It's like looking into a two-way mirror. I have also recently heard
horror stories from my celiac friends concerning relatives and holiday meals.
What an idea for a graduate study paper, "The effects of a diagnosis of a
food-related illness on the family dynamics of Thanksgiving dinner:  horrors
and howls (or grumbles and growls)"
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For your mother, I would suggest providing her with some simple and easy
recipes (subs for her favorites) with suggested brand names beside the
ingredients, as well as some celiac info that you have not written but others
have.  there are some good articles that might help.
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For the difficult or those who lack understanding, I ask them if
they would eat rat poison.
No, is the response.
How about a little bit of rat poison.
No.
Aw. come on, just a teeny, tiny bit of rat poison?
Of course not!
Well, for me eating gluten (or wro&b) is the same as eating rat poison. It
will kill me. That's the toughest, going to someone's house.  YES, tell your
neighbor, diplomatically, that you got sick.  She needs to know that this
isn't in your head, rather in your gut, and that she HURT you. It's not fun,
but we gotta keep trying to educate ...  and hang in there...
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...my mom can't cook but one good think came out of it, I learned!
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Be thankful you have a mother who obviously cares and please, try to overlook
her thoughtlessness. You might even say:  Please can I have your recipe-my
family enjoyed the fruitcake so much that I would like to make one next year
with my special flours. They can also eat it and we can all enjoy the great
taste.  I know it's very hard to do, and I probably would have been really
steamed (except for the circumstances above) but you notice after 20 years I
still remember.
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My mom seems to be very fixated on making me GF, everything-f equivalents of
special holiday foods.  I'd prefer the emphasis not be on equivalents, or near
approximations of foods usually made with things I can't eat. To me that just
focuses on what can't be done rather than on what can, if that
makes sense.
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This Christmas I'm taking my own refrigerator with us when we go on our
holiday trek...
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I have found it's better to say: "thanks for letting me know, however, can I
see the packages, cartons etc. that contained the ingredients that you used?"
Otherwise, I've learned to bring my own or abstain - much safer!
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I know you didn't ask for replies, I chuckled at your post. Personally, unless
it is like an apple, or other fruit, or vege, or I can see the ingredients
myself of everything that goes in it I don't eat. I'd rather starve then get
sick like I do. Travle is fun. People get frustrated with me and I say, please
just don't even try. I've been gf for 14 years and the slipups come from
others trying, but not understanding. The best line I got from a waitress was,
tisk well have you tried some fresh whole wheat bread.
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You might call your neighbor - the one with the "gluten-free dip" that made
you sick, and ask for the recipe.  Then you will know what is in it, and if
you know her well, there may come a time when you can tell her that it
contained xxxx and that is not good for you.
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-Mara, a retired baker on the list had a wonderful recipe for fruitcake a
couple of years ago.  Of course, you are making about ten lb. of cake. I can't
tolerate orange juice so I used used Welch's grapejelly and it was great.  You
might send it to your mother but then she would have to police her kitchen and
utensils.
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My family members who live with me however have learned a really nice thing to
tell me.  That is that what they're eating "isn't really that good".  It makes
the kid in me who feels really deprived sometimes feel a little better and I
am pretty good about making sure there are other choices for myself.  I think
fruit cake is gross and would rather have a yummy muffin with jelly on it
anyway, even though I wouldn't say that to my mom!
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My mother-in-law used to act surprised every Sunday when we went for dinner
and say  - "oh yes dear I did use flour in the gravy.  Just forgot to use corn
starch".  and so it went.  I finally just got used to not eating the gravy; I
knew she did not flour the roast beef.  But the flip side of the coin is that
complete strangers and some family members (not many) have gone way out of
their way to make me special gf desserts that have been very good and very
safe.  So it does balance out.    This is my 26th year of gf living and the
positives  have far outweighed the negatives.
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the only way around it is to invite her to YOUR place and do all the cooking.
If she insists on bringing something have a horrible accidnet happen to it,
like dropping it into the kitty litter (avoid hitting the cat), or dropping it
and accidentally step in it.  Twenty or thirty years of this and she might get
the hint (I doubt it, tho)
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OK, I'll be your mom. Go to Kinnikinnick and buy one of their fruit cakes!!
**********
Anyway, I think the best thing to do is to tell the person. They might get a
little hurt but they have to understand that it is dangerous for us to eat non
GF things! Have you given your mother any written information about celialki
[sic]? I did and now she understand how important it is! I have also told my
father that I've been very ill after eating dinner with him, he got very sad
but he is finally beginning to understand how serious it is. That is what we
have to do, tell them, tell them and tell them! Many of my friends are working
in restaurants and they've never realized what celialki really is but now,
they've educated the whole restaurant! : ) That's what we gain if we tell,
complain and demand!