This weekend I'm going through something I go through every year that I've
been dealing with for 15 years now.

15 years ago a good friend I'd known since high school days, committed
suicide.  He was on drugs and killed himself because he couldn't deal with
his life any longer.  The guilt for those of us amongst his friends and
family was tremendous.  For the longest time, I felt as if I could've some
something to turn him away from the drugs and suicide.  I was angry, too.
How could he do this to us?  But over time I've come to the realisation that
it was his choice to do the drugs and commit suicide.  True, it was an
illness but it was his choice, and he did it.  This is the reason why I'm so
hard on the drug addicts and alcoholics.  They are addicted, true, but it is
their choice, and those of us who love them are hurt and left with the pain
and dealing with the repercussions.

Yes,  I did go through counselling, and have learnt to put the past behind.
It's just that whenever the anniversary rolls around, I get a bit depressed
for a few days, and it's the same for his family and other friends.   His
was a life truly wasted.  He would have been a brilliant writer if he had
not made the choices he did.

Kat