There are few experiences more worrisome than going  to the hospital.
Supposing tests reveal you require surgery, or you have a  terminal
disease, or you have an illness not yet in the medical books, or the
doctors are inept? Certainly, it's no laughing matter. But in this day and
age,  nothing is sacred; everything is grist for the humour mill. The
following notes  on patient's charts are purportedly true:

_ She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.

_ Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

_ On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.

_ The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.

_ The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

_ Discharge status: alive but without my permission.

_ Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.

_ The patient refused autopsy.

_ The patient has no previous history of suicide.

_ Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

_ Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

_ She is numb from her toes down.

_ While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

_ The skin was moist and dry.

_ Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

_ Patient was alert and unresponsive.

_ Rectal examination revealed a normal-sized thyroid.

_ She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she
got a divorce.

_ I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.

_ Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.