"Anyone who isn't me is a redneck...it's good thing"..... Martha Stewart

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> From: Bobby Greer <[log in to unmask]>
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: bubba-Q
> Date: Friday, March 17, 2000 9:36 AM
>
> Thought this would apply to our list discussion of yesterday.
>
> Bobby
>
>
>
>                 MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS
>
>
>  1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
>
>  2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
>
>  3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
>
>  4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
>
>  5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
> considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
>
>  DINING OUT
>  1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
> slowly so as not        "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
>
>  2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers
> covering the label.
>
>  ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
>  1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
> taxidermist.
>
>  2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
> manners are.
>
>  PERSONAL HYGIENE
>  1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
> done in private         using one's OWN truck keys.
>
>  2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
> However, if you live    alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
>
>  3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend
> to detract from a       woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger
foods.
>
>  DATING (Outside the Family)
>  1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
>
>  2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to
go
> out with you    since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years
ago."
>
>  3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
> say 10:00 PM; others    might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer,
it
> is the man's responsibility to get      her to school on time.
>
>  THEATER ETIQUETTE
>  1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
> after the movie has     ended.
>
>  2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
> they can't hear you.
>
>  WEDDINGS
>  1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
>
>  2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
>
>  3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
> and a clean bowling     shirt can create a tacky appearance.
>
>  3. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
> occasion.
>
>  DRIVING ETIQUETTE
>  1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
> loaded, and the deer is         in sight.
>
>  2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
> always has the right    of way.
>
>  3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
>
>  4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
to
> ask her to bring        back beer.