In a message dated 12/11/1999 2:29:44 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

<< Good old military.  An apex of insularity and assault.

 Great that you fought.  Better that you survived.  Now I see the odds.
 You deserve awards for your efforts.

 Re: your feelings.  They're yours to share or not.  Pick and choose, as do
 all of us.
  >>
 Thanks.  Keeping this experience to myself is a double edged sword.  On one
hand, I don't have to risk anything by talking about it -- if that makes any
sense.  On the other hand, there is a feeling that I was a veteran of a war
that nobody knew about.

I have been treated for PTSD in the past, and the comparison (which you asked
about) is that now I feel physically vulnerable.  I don't feel like I can
fight back if I have to.  For example, if I use the subway I'm afraid to get
to close to the edge of the platform because I'm afraid somebody will push me
in.  This is definitely a personal issue because this kind of thing is not
something we should have to worry about.  Things I had to face in the fire
department are not at all like outside in the real world.  This irrational
fear is what I want to get rid of.  This is the thing I am working on.  I saw
a great psychiatrist for a couple of months after I left work, and we kept
the door open for me to go back if I needed to.  After these conversations, I
think this is a good idea now.

Steve, I apologize for being so abrupt in the last post,
Betty