I've been following this thread with interest both as a parent of a child living with CP and as a child of a dysfunctional family. Having grown up in a physically and emotionally abusive household, I can relate on some level to the stories shared here. I shudder to think how my life would have been had there been disability issues in the mix!

My hubby has dragged his feet on a few things (do Dads have a harder time with acceptance?) but generally we want whatever is going to make life easier for Anthony and for us. A wheelchair will help him gain independence and conserve his strength for learning in school. His Pony walker puts him at eye level with his peers. HBO helps with his spasticity and his language development. Botox, we hope, will improve his fine motor skills. A specialized intensive kindergarten programme will help put him on a level playing field with his peers for learning in grade 1 when we plan for him to be integrated. If a segregated programme better suits his needs at that point we will explore that. Conductive Ed and hippotherapy are also on the list for the future. We have always gone with the least invasive / least painful / best potential outcome alternatives for Anthony, not to "fix" or "cure" him but to maximize his potential. 

I think we are doing a pretty good job of raising our sons. They are healthy and happy (most days,lol). BUT, in defense of parents everywhere, THIS IS HARD!! We were pretty open-minded, if naive, when we got the boys' diagnoses. After some of the numbness and shock wore off, we grieved a lot. We still grieve: for the son we lost but also for the sons we expected and the hopes, dreams and expectations we had for them. It breaks my heart still sometimes to see Bobby master a new skill or reach a milestone seemingly effortlessly and watch Anthony struggle on and on with a much simpler task. It is agonizing to watch sometimes and I am guilty of doing too much for him sometimes - for MY convenience and to "spare" him the struggle (though I know I'm doing him no favours). Sometimes I just can't face lugging Anthony and all his equipment out to the van - it's easier to stay home. So the boys miss an outing. 

I feel guilty a lot. I get angry sometimes. I cry. I hurt. I rail at God, Fate, the Universe...whatever. Usually only for a little while. It passes more quickly each time it hits now. But I don't live in denial. Too much of a realist I guess (sigh). Somedays I wish I could - it might be less painful. Sounds as if many of your parents jumped into denial with both feet! This is all part of the grieving process and unless it is worked through, people get stuck in one or more of the emotions I mentioned. Every person's journey through grief is different. If they do resolve it they will come to acceptance. All of you have had to struggle yourselves with accepting your CP, with varying levels of success. Your families are no different. Even harder if they love you... how do I grieve for my child when she's right here? Why can't I fix this? Make it better for him? And the guilt... Was it ever implied that the disability was somehow related to something they did or didn't do? Many parents I know feel guilty even when they know beyond a shadow of a doubt intelectually there is nothing to be guilty about!

We have been fortunate to have had good docs, excellent therapists, good friends and some very wonderful and wise people around us. We have access to an incredible amount of knowledge and support, especially here in cyberspace. :-)  Still, we agonize whether we are making the right/ the best choices. Are we NOT doing something we should be? Are we giving Anthony enough play time? Too little stretching? too much? Should we try this therapy or that? Have we researched and learned as much as we can?
Are we sacrificing Bobby's time to spend on Anthony's therapies? ...

A generation or two ago there were limited resources and opportunities to learn about disabilities. Even less likelihood of networking with other parents in similar circumstances. Society was more segregated. Families often had few supports. Is it any wonder that they didn't know what to do? I am not trying to excuse unforgivable behahaviour but at the same time it is an extremely daunting task to raise a "typical" child. When your child has a disability or chronic health problem, it becomes a terrifying prospect. And that's WITH education, support and resources...

Just my thoughts. :-)

Yvonne
Mommy to 4 year-old triplets: 
Bobby, Anthony (CP) and our angel, Joey (CP+...) {14/4/97-31/12/98}