Personally, I find the potato thing really funny. Guess I am one of those
irreverant Christians.

----------
> From: Trisha Cummings <[log in to unmask]>
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: Ask A Wiccan...From "The Onion"
> Date: Tuesday, March 21, 2000 12:03 PM
>
> If it's "The Onion"  a satirical magazine at http://www.theonion.com/
it
> is poking fun - I am not upset - they also Found Christ in a Potato.
>
>
>
> > I dont get it either. It looks like a lot of things Trisha has said. Do
> you
> > think this was meant to be funny, or an actual column?
> >
> > ----------
> > > From: Kyle E. Cleveland <[log in to unmask]>
> > > To: [log in to unmask]
> > > Subject: Ask A Wiccan...From "The Onion"
> > > Date: Tuesday, March 21, 2000 10:38 AM
> > >
> > > Dear Wiccan,
> > > Our youngest child just went off to college, and empty-nest syndrome
=
> > > has
> > > really begun to set in. My wife and I thought this would be a time
for =
> > > us to
> > > rediscover our freedom, but instead the joy has left our household.
Any
> > > tips?
> > > --Lonesome In Lodi=20
> > >
> > > Dear Lonesome,=20
> > > Blessed be! When forming your Coven, be mindful that it is very =
> > > different
> > > from performing your Workings as a solitary witch. Rituals involving
a
> > > Gathering of pagans, led by a wise High Priest or Priestess, are much
=
> > > more
> > > powerful through the Coven. Drawing down the moon, consecrating a =
> > > sacred
> > > bolline-knife and casting the scrying magicks alongside your
> > > widdershins-walking fellow-souls is not only a real and powerful =
> > > celebration
> > > of Nature, it is also a solemn and dignified Communion among our
folk! =
> > > The
> > > Lord and Lady smile upon the hour of your Circle's meeting, and may
the
> > > Goddess grant that your path be true and your Craft blessed!=20
> > >
> > > Dear Wiccan,=20
> > > I'm a single man in his mid-30s who's never had much luck with women.
I
> > > become very uncomfortable and awkward around the ones I'm interested
=
> > > in.
> > > I've talked to a lot of people about the problem, but no one ever
seems
> =
> > > to
> > > have any good advice. Can you help?
> > > --Shy In Cheyenne=20
> > >
> > > Dear Shy,=20
> > > Merry meet! All other dweomers being equal, the phases of Mother Moon
=
> > > are
> > > the most powerful magickal influence upon any incantation you may =
> > > devise.
> > > The Goddess has charged our heavenly protectoress with the turning of
=
> > > tides
> > > and seasons--astral as well as earthly--and as She waxes and wanes,
so =
> > > does
> > > the potency of our charms! In some of Her phases, the amethyst
crystal =
> > > can
> > > sharpen your sixth sense, and it may be twinned to your runestones,
or =
> > > even
> > > steeped in a healthful nettle-and-foxglove tea to aid in your
> > > scrying-spells. But beware! In other phases, the opposite is true,
and =
> > > using
> > > any crystal but the blood-tourmaline will rend your power from you or
=
> > > twist
> > > your magicks along the Dark Path! So that you may step carefully, =
> > > consult
> > > with your circle's Elders before attempting any of the rituals or
> > > incantations of the Major Arcana. If your Elders are fasting, =
> > > meditating or
> > > Wind-walking, seek ye the 69 convergent Lunar phases in the
grimoiries =
> > > of
> > > our hallowed Sage, Wolfling SilverRaven. At the very least, please =
> > > consult
> > > your Tarot!=20
> > >
> > > Dear Wiccan,=20
> > > My son is probably just a normal 15-year-old, but he seems to want
> > > absolutely everything: CD players, video games, cellular phones--even
a
> =
> > > car!
> > > I want to be good to him and treat him to nice things, but I don't
want
> =
> > > to
> > > spoil him rotten. How much stuff is too much for today's teen?=20
> > > --Behind The Times In Trenton=20
> > >
> > > Dear Trenton,=20
> > > May Brigid bless your path! The Wiccan Rede entreats all of our =
> > > fellowship
> > > to do as we will, but remember: The most important law is to Harm
None!
> > > Injudicious use of passion spells, Fascination-charms or love potions
=
> > > to
> > > bind an unwitting being to your soul, whether human lover or feline
> > > familiar, is unworthy of even the Horn=E9d God! The person thus =
> > > ensorcelled is
> > > bereft of Freewill and becomes a mere golem without motivation of his
=
> > > or her
> > > own. This is but a mockery of love, and if non-Wiccans find that we =
> > > have
> > > been practicing such strong and forbidden Magicks, their wrath would
be
> > > kindled and the Burning Times upon us again! Wicca is not about power
=
> > > or
> > > control. Wicca is the sun on one's face, the breeze in one's hair,
the
> > > mysteries of the stars, sun, moon and everything else that science =
> > > cannot
> > > explain. Only by staying true to Goddess, Rede and Craft may we =
> > > harmonize
> > > with the ebb and flow of Nature's cycles. Stray from this, and we
shall
> =
> > > be
> > > exiled to the Dark Lands in a dark time! Blessed Parting, my brethren
=
> > > and
> > > sistren!=20
> > >
> > > Morganna Goldenwand is a syndicated advice columnist whose weekly =
> > > column,
> > > Ask A Wiccan, appears in over three newspapers nationwide. She is
also =
> > > the
> > > author of Tread Lightly: A Guide To The Sacred Woodland Glades Of
Upper
> > > Illinois, and has just released a CD, Blessed Morning!, a collection
of
> > > Celtic chants accompanied by crystal Tibetan singing bowls