Betty Alfred <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> In a message dated 12/06/1999 7:50:57 PM Eastern Standard Time,
> [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> <<
> > Someone else may feel differently; I don't mean to judge.  I
> > don't think people should feel obligated to answer a lot of
> > questions about their disabilities.  With children though, it
> > seems like an awareness opportunity.
> >
> > Betty
> >
> >
> All depends on the kids & the question. 13 years ago when we
> first moved into this area we used to get regularly harrassed
> by a little group of 14/15 yr olds. The game was to ring our
> door bell, ask a question ("Have you got the time Mister?")
> then all hoot with laughter at the answer.
>   >>
>
> I was thinking of much younger children Deri.  I was in a
> shopping center last year and somebody threw an open packet of
> barbecue sauce and hit my wheelchair.  I didn't see who did it,
> but I'd be willing to wager that it was a teenage prank.  I
> keep thinking I would feel a little more afraid if somebody had
> come to my home though, like they did to you.
>
> I didn't realize about some adult hostilities and the
> psychology connected with that.  Maybe this is different, or
> maybe teenage pranks aimed at PWDs change to hostility toward
> PWDs later in life.  Maybe the teenage pranks are a form of
> hostility.
>
> I've noticed on a select few occasions, if I don't accept
> someone's "offer" of help, I get a little hostility in return.
> Once some guy offered to help me get in my car.  I thanked him
> but told him I was okay.  I really was polite and had no reason
> to be rude.  But his response was "Well, f*** y** then."  I am
> still trying to figure out how I earned that.  I've noticed
> this on two other occasions so far, but that was the worst.  It
> wasn't a big deal in the long run, but I wonder about it
> sometimes.
>
> I'm not a psychologist, so I'd love to know what the deal is
> about getting hostile if a disabled person doesn't need your
> help.  I didn't encounter this before I had a disability.  It's
> a new experience so I think and wonder about why it happens.
> Does anyone else ever encounter this?
>
> Betty
> tagline impaired -- help me
>
>
Many people offer to help, and part of the reason they offer is
the expectation of receiving increased self esteem, i.e. it makes
them "feel good" about thermselves.

To reject such help obviously leads to disappointment and is seen
as an attack, so a petulant riposte is an understandable
reaction.



--
Deri James