How about when somebody tries to latch onto you because of your disability?

Someone who lives nearby had been scoping me out for some time, I guess, and
finally got the nerve to ask if she could help a bit in my garden, "Just
because she loves gardening so much."  Something inside told me to be wary,
but she's a neighbor and I didn't see how there could be too much harm in
letting her mess around in my dirt if she wanted to.

The next visit took place in my house, when she revealed that her sister has
a severe disability, and how since the disabled sister got more attention
when they were children, this woman is now screwed up mentally.  She
adamantly claimed that this was a disability too, requiring weekly bouts of
therapy and medication that -- according to her -- will probably have to
continue for the rest of her life.

She kept insisting on getting into my head about my personal feelings about
being disabled, even after I said that it wasn't my life's mission to talk
about them, and that I felt there were more important issues to talk about
regarding disability rights if that were to be a topic of discussion at all.
Frankly, I told her that my disability was society.  I was just trying to get
her off the subject of me.  She wouldn't let it alone though.  She started
crying on cue, came over to hug me and said "see, I just wanted you to know
that you're not the only one with a disability."

The whole thing confused me, and I didn't know what to do really.  At the
time I thought that just in case she was in mental health trouble that I
couldn't see, and not just a whiny, middle-aged brat, I didn't want to make
anything worse.  On that basis, I went along with it for a while, but then I
couldn't get rid of her.  I couldn't come or go from my own home without her
tailing me like a puppy dog if she saw me.  I felt like I was being stalked,
to tell you the truth.

The kicker came during Christmas, when she called me to whine about "having
to go to her family's home for the holidays."  She knows my family history.
She was going to complain to ME about having to visit her living family for
the holidays?

I cut her off before she got started into that, and it wasn't too long after
when she called again to leave one of her "I'm calling to see how you are as
a ruse, so that I can get your undivided attention and talk about me"
messages.  I returned her call the next day with my own message telling her
to leave me alone, that I had become a recluse and wanted to stay that way.
I haven't heard from her since.

I don't know what her therapist is telling her and I don't care.  She pulled
out this "little girl" voice right from the beginning, it was almost as if
she was putting me on guard right away, letting me know that she is fragile
and will break easily.  She is really a pro at this.  I'm the only one she
has told about her "disability" according to her.  I don't like being told
that I'm the only person someone can talk to.  That is a major tip off to me.
 I don't talk to a lot of people now myself, but I'm not looking to snag any
person.  I'm just sick of these damned opportunists, and it seems like
they're all over the place.  But when somebody starts in with this "you're my
only friend" crap, all kinds of alarms go off in my head.

Lesson learned the hard way.  Trust my instincts.  I blew them off many times
in nondisabled years because I could afford to take a few chances here and
there with people, but now I can't.

Everything is a disability.  Having a sibling with a disability is a
disability.  Whatever.

I guess somebody will call this Munchausen's, but I prefer the term sleezy
opportunist.

Betty

In a message dated 4/2/2002 10:51:59 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:


> I've had a variation on the `you remind me...' one.  Over the years
> several `friends' have tried to set me up with guys purely on the
> basis that we both have CP...  The fact that aside from the CP we
> usually have nothing in common, seems to escape these people.  I
> remember one guy was a real Aussie `bloke', drinking, smoking, laconic,
> sport-loving, motorbike riding type - couldn't get further away from
> my own interests/way of life.   Oh dear!!!
>
> Rayna
>