these are pretty good, bobby. makes me think of some people i knew growing
up in cental alabama.
i needed a laugh.
-----Original Message-----
From: Bobby Greer [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Friday, March 17, 2000 9:37 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: bubba-Q


Thought this would apply to our list discussion of yesterday.

Bobby



                MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS


 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

 DINING OUT
 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
slowly so as not        "bruise" the fruit of the vine.

 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers
covering the label.

 ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.

 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
manners are.

 PERSONAL HYGIENE
 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
done in private         using one's OWN truck keys.

 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live    alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend
to detract from a       woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

 DATING (Outside the Family)
 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go
out with you    since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."

 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
say 10:00 PM; others    might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it
is the man's responsibility to get      her to school on time.

 THEATER ETIQUETTE
 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
after the movie has     ended.

 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.

 WEDDINGS
 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
and a clean bowling     shirt can create a tacky appearance.

 3. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.

 DRIVING ETIQUETTE
 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
loaded, and the deer is         in sight.

 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right    of way.

 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to
ask her to bring        back beer.