Hi all,

I graduated high school at the age of 17, went to school overseas and lived
there for years. It saved my sanity and my life doing that. My parents have
ways helped me financially. (They told me that I wouldn't be able to get a
job or do anything like that. Now my father wonders why I don't have a 9-5
job in an office .. or why I don't volunteer my time to teach people arts and
crafts. Definitely a double-standard)  I lived with others for a number of
years. I am totally independent.

The only time I knew others with disabilities like CP was in nursery school
and those we kept in touch with from that group. However, after my mom passed
away, I realized that I never went to their birthday parties and they never
came to mine. I was very much alone and isolated in terms of dealing with my
CP issues. I had absolutely no emotional support whatsoever from anyone in
terms of dealing with my CP until I met my Rolfer who saved my life and
sanity when I was in my teens. My sister who is profoundly deaf was in a
program with other deaf people until the 2nd grade in a program in our local
school, kept up her friendship with many of them until teenagehood. She was
also a great ice skater. My parents ranted and raved about how wonderful she
was and considered me to be "the most lazy, unmotivated person" around, and
didn't want to deal with any of the real reasons behind my low self-esteem
caused by the medical establishment and them. I rode the buses and did more
than most people without disabilities. I learned how to make eyeglasses for a
while. I also worked as a secretary for a short time in a local place.

Living overseas helped me make friends with people who are like an extended
family to me today, over 20 years later. I am totally independent,
ambulatory, drive a normal car, go horseback riding 3 days a week, totally
into alternative therapies for people with disabilities. I am going back to
school to major in Psych. so that I can continue to help people in many
different ways. Most people who have met me have said that I should become an
advocate for people with disabilities because I have a very strong drive and
am a very positive person despite having gone through so much adversity in my
life. When I started horseback riding, I met up with people who have
disabilities who are taught "to be all that we can be."

My parents were able to "understand certain components of my CP, but not
others." For example, they understood that I couldn't walk long distances,
but wouldn't allow me to get a wheelchair at places like Disneyland, which
was totally ridiculous. Their fear was that I "would want to be in a WC"
which is totally the last thing I want to do with my life. My mom did
understand that I couldn't try on clothes in stores without having some place
to sit down in between, but she couldn't stop telling me to "PICK UP MY FEET"
until I was 30 years old and she had broken her hip. Then she shut up. She
finally realized that I "couldn't do that." As my riding instructor always
says, "I can't do that because of the heelcord lengthenings and the fact that
my ankles are almost totally fused ... I simply don't have that range of
motion to do so. The same goes for my balance. I can stand for a bit, but one
of the best ways I have used to describe our precarious balance issue is:
Think of it as being on eggshells all the time" Even though the ground is
flat, every little thing on that ground can make us lose our balance over
nothing. Part of this comes from not really learning how to go through the
process of rolling, crawling, and learning to fall and get up properly. All
of the normal steps in learning how to keep ourselves upright as humans. We
tend to skip some of the steps with CP and other neurological conditions. I
don't remember learning how to fall and get up like a little kid does in the
process of learning how to walk. I know that I don't crawl "correctly" but I
am working on all of these issues with the therapeutic horseback riding and
the NACD program. I am also doing EEG biofeedback which has helped me loosen
up a little bit and regained some range of motion in my ankles and being able
to "run again for a few steps." Even though I am in my 30's, I am improving,
not getting worse like many of us CP'ers as we get older. I keep myself as
active as possible.

I speak Hebrew and a little bit of Yiddish. I have a very difficult time
dating. I have found that most of the people I go out with are "handicapped"
by their limitations or have biochemical problems which makes things
difficult for me to handle. Since I am an orthodox Jew, it has been very
difficult to explain to these "match-makers" that I am mentally very normal,
and that I am looking for someone who will be my friend. I am considered to
be "superwoman" by many of my friends" who are for the most part NDA. I live
alone and it is emotionally difficult at times.

I tutor in Hebrew for the college, and spend a lot of time on line trying to
help people with CP live a better and easier life. I feel like I have to be
the "everything person" compared to the person I date. I have felt like I'd
have to be the mother, father, brother, sister, parent, and etc. to them.
Most of them would have liked to marry me simply because I do so much and am
so capable of doing a lot more than they are. This frustrates me a lot. I
feel like a lot of you on this list, that we are people who have so much to
offer, and people do respect us, but ... when it comes to marriage, all of a
sudden it's a totally different issue.

I just went out with someone recently who was NDA. He was totally impressed
by my level of ability to speak Hebrew, and impressed by the amount of
knowledge that I have about Judaism. I was willing to support him emotionally
to help him achieve his work goals, and etc. I think he felt very intimidated
by me .. for the fact that I have CP and am hearing impaired, speak Hebrew,
know more about certain things that he did (which didn't bother me at all.
For my part, I was willing to accept that, because I felt that he could
always learn), am a world traveler, go horseback riding, help people on line
and he was having trouble deciding what he wanted to do with his life at this
point. He didn't speak Hebrew all that well, and etc. so I am sure that he
felt that I was "superwoman" and couldn't handle that at all. He totally
refused to go out with me again. I was just offered a guy with Tourette's
Syndrome, which I am not at all interested in dealing with. I have been
offered people with bipolar conditions, psychotic, OCD, mommy's little boy,
and etc. It is very difficult to be so "normal" and not to find the "right
one" that I can share my life with.

Sorry for rambling on, but ...

Dina