"Filthy, Stinking Rich -- Well, Two Out of  Three Ain't Bad"

"Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair"

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"

"Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam" -- seen on Cape Cod

"Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-law on a Milk Carton

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" - (seen on an 8 year old)

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"Procrastinate Now"

"Rehab Is for Quitters"

"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse - He Couldn't Do
Better and I Couldn't Do Worse"

"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"

"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You  Want Fries With That?"

"Party -- My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)

"Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15"

"If a woman's place is in the home WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS CAR!"

"ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING"

"West Virginia: One Million People, Fifteen Last Names"

"FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."

"I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN"

"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance"

"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"

"DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music"

"Where there's a will I want to be in it"

"MOOSEHEAD: A great beer and a new experience for a moose"

"They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken"

"How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?"

  "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"

"Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog"

"POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN ....Cops have nothing to go on."

"FOR SALE -- Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."

"If the shoe fits, buy it.----Imelda Marcos"

"HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"

"A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS--But it uses up a thousand
times the memory."

"The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it."

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

"HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken;
A lifetime commitment for a pig."

"HARD WORK WILL PAY OFF LATER. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW!"

"WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."

"The trouble with life is there's no background music."

"IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?"

"Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"

"The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson."

"Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane."

"MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT"

"Automobile -A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people."

"Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit."

"Computer programmers know how to use their hardware."

"MOP AND GLOW -Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team."

"NyQuil -The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine."

"Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."