[log in to unmask] wrote:

>This is a great poem and can be taken in different ways.  Thanks for  the 
>link.
> 
>I frequently refuse help when offered and people, including other pwd have  , 
>told me how wrong I am and that I should be thankful.  I'm polite until  help 
>is forced on me or just assumed to be in order and then I'm more  vocal.  I 
>feel censored though - like all I'm supposed to say is "why, yes  you angel, 
>please save me.  Bless you."  What I'd like to say to some  of the more 
>offensive people is f*** you.
> 
>Sorry to be the crabby one on this list.
>
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>  
>

You're not the only one who feels this way, believe me!  Humans helping 
other humans is part of the social contract we all are part of, but I 
object to people who insist on `helping' me when I clearly don't need 
help, simply because they assume that having CP makes me incompetent, 
and because they want to feel better about themselves - you can tell the 
difference, if the people offering help see you as a fellow human being, 
they will *ask* first, and listen to the answer, and when you say, 
politely "Thanks for the offer, but I'm fine, I can manage", they won't 
take offence.  And if you say, yes, thanks I could do with some 
assistance, they do whatever it is calmly, maturely, and if it actually 
involves physical contact with me or my assistive devices they *listen* 
to me when I say this is the best/easiest/least painful way of doing 
it.  And they are happy with a simple "Thanks very much, really 
appreciate the assistance, have a great day" or other appropriate 
response.  Help from those people is a pleasure. 

If the people offering have some idea of themselves as `ministering 
angel', 'helping the unfortunate cripple', then they just barrel in, 
grab, push, whatever without asking - which can be dangerous, and if 
they do ask, and you refuse - politely (I stress that -  because I'm 
always polite the first time, unless I'm physically grabbed without 
warning, then I scream bloody murder with *no* apology), they get sooooo 
offended - how *dare* I not let them help me, never mind that sometimes 
I'm just sitting there sometimes, and there is literally *nothing* they 
can help me with, even if I *wanted* to let them help me.  (I was 
sitting in the mall one day, in my scooter, enjoying the sunshine, 
reading a book - guy comes up to me out of nowhere "Can I help you?", 
Me, very puzzled thinks help me with what?  I'm not *doing* anything, do 
you want to turn a page for me?. "Um, no thanks.") We have the same 
right of refusal of assistance than any able-bodied person does.  And 
it's the attitude of the person offering, I'm a human being, not some 
mindless cipher for someone else to project their fears and assumptions 
onto.

I could go ooooooon, but my hands won't let me!  But I also feel 
censored a lot of the time, about this sort of thing, and get berated 
and attacked (who would have though expecting people to treat you like a 
human being would result in such attacks!) by some as well. I will not 
coddle able bodied adults, they need to think about how they treat 
`Others', and I expect them to behave like the adults they are and 
*think* about their attitudes.  It's not rocket science.

Rayna - ending rant!

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