I agree with you, Mag, but it has to come from both sides.  The child (or
grown-up child) has to be ready to take on the responsibilities that come
with being dependent.  I've known far too many disabled people who could have
taken care of themselves very well but weren't ready emotionally to leave the
nest. (and needless to say, I know quite a few AB people like that, too! ;) )

Having said that, I can tell you the parting is inevitable, for if you don't
leave the nest, the parents leave you because they will die; it's all a part
of life.  I was on my own for many years until my mother got so ill she
needed help and my sister and I moved in to look after her.  Yes when she
died, it was very sad, but I think if I hadn't left home before, it would
have been much worse to go out on my own after she died. It's best to be
prepared before you have to.

Kat

On Saturday 11 October 2003 06:57 pm, you wrote:
> Kathy Jo, I have said this before;
> Your parents need you to grow up and become as independent as possible.
>
> In the end, that is what will make them happy, and it will give them peace
> in their old age as they become unable to assist you. They don't want to
> worry about you in your 40's and still at home, unable to be independent.
>
> I've just returned from a two day conference where everybody (400 with
> disability) had a disability (CP, autism, down syndrome, cognitive, and
> emotional disabilities) and were either on their own with assistance, or
> they were learning what they needed to do in order to do so.  The range
> went from people who need complete help with everything, to people who are
> functioning with mild cases of CP, or cognitive disabilities. Everybody was
> there with their assistants, or their house mates from a new type of living
> arrangements called adult family homes where they have chosen to be part of
> a household where they have the help they need but not any of the awful
> rules of traditional group homes.
>
> There were seminars on every conceivable topic, from self employment, to
> how to protect yourself from sexual abuse, to finding creative ways of
> funding entertainment and vacations.
>
> Gary was there too, he can tell you other aspects of it.  Jump right in,
> Gary!
> In the meantime, I need to write to the hotel because my bathtub didn't
> have grab bars and I did slip and fall. Ugh! Makes me mad, because we've
> had this conference there every year for eight or nine years, you'd think
> they would have put more grab bars in.
>
> Mag