I like it, I like it... YEEEEEEEEEEHAAAWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Rebel yell)
mike

Kyle E. Cleveland wrote:
>
> After I sent out my valentine I went upstairs to the cafeteria, and they
> were serving COLLARD GREENS!!!!  In Ohio!  Of course, they were as old as my
> Grandma and had bacon instead of fatback, but collards they were!
>
> It's finally starting, y'all!
>
> Tomorrow, I may storm the cafeteria and hold the Cappuccino machine hostage
> until these demands are met:
>
> 1)  Bagels and cream cheese will be replaced by biscuits and gravy (good
> bacon sawmill gravy, none of that sausage blow you get from Bob Evans.
>
> 2)  The salad bar will be replaced by greens:  Collard, Turnip, Mustard on
> alternating days.  We will have Poke Salet on Fridays.  Said greens will be
> cooked in fatback and served with Trappy's hot pepper sauce.
>
> 3)  There will be okra.  This may be in gumbo, but the preference is fried
> in corn meal.
>
> 4)  There will be black beans and rice.  There will be black-eyed peas.  If
> there is enough rice and black-eyed peas at the end of the week, then
> Hoppin' John will be served.
>
> 5)  There will be three cold drinks served:  sweet tea, Co-Cola (coke), RC
> cola (with the obligatory Moon-Pie.  Grape and Orange Nehi and Dr. Pepper
> (10,2,4) on special request.
>
> 6)  There will be no yams.  There will, however, be sweet taters (preferably
> with brown sugar and butter).
>
> 7)  Everyone will get a daily ration of green beans, cooked in fatback until
> gray (in honor of our Dixie heritage).
>
> 8)  Any food service worker putting sugar in the cornbread (for God's sake,
> it's cornBREAD, not cornCAKE!) will be dealt with most severely--up to and
> including watching "Martha Stewart's 'Living'"
>
> 9)  Said cornbread will be served with beans: pinto or white.  If you
> prefer, you may crumble your cornbread in a tumbler of buttermilk, but it
> must be eaten with a soup spoon.
>
> 10)  Tomatoes will be green and fried in corn meal.  If ripe they must be in
> white bread sandwiches and eaten over the kitchen sink.
>
> 11)  You WILL take your turn at cranking the ice cream freezer.
>
> 12)  After you have eaten your fill, you may excuse yourself from the table
> by loosening your belt and repeating the phrase, "Well, I believe
> everybody's had enough" or "That tasted so good my tongue's about to beat my
> brains out tryin' to get all the crumbs off my face".
>
> There will be a special force sent to collect Deri from the U.K. so he may
> participate in this repast.  During the trip, he will be forced to watch
> episode after episode of "Two Fat Ladies" in order that his gall bladder
> will be subliminally prepared for "fat shock".
>
> Cardiologists and Thoracic Surgeons will be on call in the anteroom for the
> odd required bypass procedure.  Electronic Cardio-version units will replace
> all table centerpieces.
>
> Think it'll work?
>
> -Kyle