Pardon the intrusion.  I'm taking the moment that Betty's chaperoning
Joy (or is that reversed?) to say that I find Joy to be exceptional:
reasonable, intelligent, informed, articulate, clear thinking, poised.

As someone nearing sixty I'm much comforted knowing that at sixteen
Joy's brilliance shines in a future that mortality won't allow me.

S.



Date:    Fri, 12 May 2000 23:15:00 EDT
From:    Betty Alfred <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: Re: [DateAbilities] GETTING TO KNOW YOU SURVEY FOR SINGLES

Man, when you answer a question, you really answer it.  I was impressed
when
I read what you had to say too.  My relationship with my Mom has never
been
open like that.  But she had a very parochial upbringing and never
escaped
it.  She's way on the prudish side.  I couldn't have lived up to certain
of
her expectations no matter how hard I might have tried (I didn't try, by
the
way).

I thought the post was okay too.  I am just not in touch with what most
parents want their kids to be exposed to.  You are not a kid, I don't
mean it
that way.  If my Mother knew I was up here writing about anal or oral
sex
right now she'd have "pretend" hysterics, and I'm 41.

Shhh...here she comes.

Okay she's gone.  Whew!  That was TOO close!

As I believe I said once before, any parent would be proud and honored
to
have you for a daughter.  I would.  I have a tendency to feel a little
protective of younger people, but I have also found out from being
around
Amber that I may be a bit out of touch with what protection is really
necessary.  On the other hand, I know another teenager who is only one
year
your junior.  He is not as ready to talk about some things as I believe
you
probably were last year.  Everyone is different.

You didn't ramble at all, and I loved reading what you had to say.  I
asked
out of idle curiosity, nothing more.  You really have a lot on the ball
Joy.

Betty


 [log in to unmask] writes:

<< Interesting question... I think I'd be more confused than angry or
upset.
 We've always had a very open and close relationship, and my parents
trust me
 without any reservation.  I've earned that trust, and haven't done
anything
 to abuse it.  The times in my life that I've been most upset have been
not
 when my parents were angry, but when they were disappointed.  I feel
like
 it's my responsibility to live up to their opinion of me, and be the
kind of
 responsible person that they think I am.  That doesn't really answer
your
 question though, does it?

 I guess I'd question why they were so concerned by a mention of anal
and
 oral sex.  The post wasn't explicit.  It's not like I was being
 propositioned, or propositioning someone else.  I've read more graphic
 descriptions of sex in my bio and human development books.  But, if
they
 were really uncomfortable with the content on this list, I'd have to go
with
 their judgment.  Just like they have no reason to doubt my judgment, I
have
 no reason to doubt theirs.  They've never pulled the "I'm your parent
and I
 know what's best for you" card unless it was really important, so on
the
 rare occasions that they do, I go with it.

 Does that make any sense?  I know the relationships that we have are
very
 unusual.  I think part of it is being an only child, and part is that
 because of my disability, we spend a lot of time together.  My family
is
 very close-knit as a result, and we tend to be very open with concerns
like
 this.  If you want to know more, just ask.  I'm happy to discuss this
 further, but I think I'm rambling!

 ~Joy~ >>