Trish--You have raised a delightful daughter. ( And should be very proud)
Sarah & i always say we are best buddies-- my husband worries about that
relationship, and that it makes her too dependent--but after I saw you &
Amber together- It is very doable.  Yes, Amber is able to be more
independent physically than Sarah--but she is a mature, well spoken, bright
young lady. All traits I hope Sarah will have as she grows up.  I saw you
are on the right track & I'm sure you 2 will have many more years together &
you will make a great grandmother to her kids!!  ( breaking that cycle)
Sit back & look with pride at that special relationship you 2 have---   Joy
& sarah
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>From: Trisha Cummings <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Parenting Series 1 - Enjoying Each Child as an Individaul
>Date: Fri, Feb 18, 2000, 5:01 PM
>

>Oh Kyle!!!
>
>          Then I am raising a first rate disaster something along the lines
>of the Titanic.  I do remember when I was umemployed and in Incest Survivor
>Therpay - the therapist in an effort to force me to behave in a manner she
>wanted - threatened to have Fairfax County take Amber away from me.
>Needless to say I was in tears when I arrived back home, and Rick who was
>living with us at the time - was furious and he said something really
>interesting then - That she would not just be losing her mother - she would
>be losing her best friend,too.  Another incident I remember is my mother
>being reall indignant becasue Amber and I where giggling and be silly and my
>Mother thought this stupid - I was the Mother I was not to be her friend. I
>don't understand why I can't be both. Amber and for the most part make
>decisions together - we discuss them, I have the final authority on the
>decision. One of the things that always puzzles me is - why people who spend
>18 years telling their child what to do - suddenly expect their 19 year to
>act like an adult and be able to make decisions. The decision making process
>is a learning from trial and error. I would be willing to bet you make
>better decisions now than when you where 19. I taught Amber how to make
>decisions - beginning when she was baby - we started small - I chose several
>toys or dolls I thought appropriate and would then have her chose the one
>she wanted. Later, she was allowed to chose one goody when we went shopping.
>She learned young about bad choices - I would point out good or bad things
>but she made the choice. When she was 7, she was invited to two birthday
>parties and she didn't know which one to accept. She fianlly said - you
>chose you are the adult, and I said you chose its your life. If you can't
>make simple decisions now - that won't have really bad consquences - how
>will ever make adult ones where there are serious consequences.  Now Amber
>has to be more responsible also becasue there is no father in this house -
>and Mom has to work two jobs. This means I need to trust her to be
>resonsible and get up and go to school by herself - She has been doing this
>since she was 10. Last year she missed the school bus twice and her auntie
>Cin who lives down the street takes her then. I need to know she will behave
>on her own. This means I have to have commuicated real values not just - I
>won't do until she is gone so I won't get spanked - but I won't do it
>becasue - Mom has requested I not do it or she understand why its not to be
>done. Also the constant spectre that I rarely elude to is simply - I have
>been fighting Cancer since she was a baby - I may never see her graduate
>from high school, I may not see her get married, get her first job or have
>her first child - But I can give her all the love I have to give while I am
>here, I can give her the gift of wings with a safety net for now - I can
>leave her equiped to handle life when I am gone. We can discuss things on
>long walks or car trips to and from doctors. I am proud of her, and I never
>forget that when we kiss goodbye for the morning - it maybe forever. Most
>people live life like its forever - its not.  Most of the adults I know evny
>my relationship with my daughter - they never got to know their parents or
>be friends - the parents where busy being parents - Amber will have the
>memory of both -  You know how when you are on vacation and that last day
>you try to do everything and its not long enough - that's what life is like.
>I read all the stuff - and think about and chose the things that make sense.
>Yes, some of the stuff is way to permissive am I willing to believe it was
>written by someone who was ruled. Its a backlash - look around at the adults
>you know - they are the product of their parents - scarey isn't it.  Oh
>well, Amber is pouting - I have been on the computer to long - End of Rant
>
>                                            Brightest Blessings