Bobby,
    It makes a great deal of sense to me.  I often feel this way myself.
            Susan
----- Original Message -----
From: Bobby Greer <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, November 08, 1999 10:57 AM
Subject: The boiler and its leaks


>         It is hard to generalize to an entire group, but judging from
> Denise's, Mariana's and Stephen's post, we suppress a lot of "steam" as we
> grow up. I was told over and over that I needed a "personality" to "get
> by". Translation: no one wants a pissed off CP around so you better shape
> up and be a good people pleaser. God only knows what other kinds of
"steam"
> I have stuffed down in that boiler. At my age, I don't want to know. But
> there are laws of physics. No one can stuff steam. It must come out or the
> boiler is destroyed. Booze will let some off. Drugs will let some off,
> self-hatred converted into self-destructive lifestyle habits willl let off
> even more off. Yet, there always seems to be a residual batch of steam,
> waiting to be freed. Old steam that has become institutionalized in me
much
> the same as a prisoner doing a life sentence becomes institutionalized to
> prison life. Put me under close scrutiny in a crowded and the ol' boiler
> gets rattling. The early memories come back or rest just below the
surface.
> The gauge can sometimes "redline". Let it out!! No, it will somehow
destroy
> me and those I love. I am terrified of that steam. It will destroy me
> "sweet personality". I go off on some innocuous person. They are scorched
a
> little from steam long stuffed.
>
>         If any of this makes any sense, let me know.
>
> Bobby