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Subject:
From:
Deri James <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List
Date:
Mon, 15 Jul 2002 23:56:31 +0100
Content-Type:
text/plain
Parts/Attachments:
text/plain (96 lines)
Hilarious.

Cheers

Deri

On Sunday 14 Jul 2002 1:55 am, Michael H Collis wrote:
> To laugh...
>
>            These are extracts from actual letters sent to various
> councils
>            and Housing associations throughout the UK:
>
>            1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has
> backfired and
>            burnt my knob off.
>
>            2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very
> badly
>            when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
>
>            3. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his
> balls
>
>            against my fence.
>
>            4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the
> outside
>            toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other
> night that
>            blew them off.
>
>            5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming
> away from
>            the wall.
>
>            6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path,
> my wife
>            tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is
> pregnant?
>
>            7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the
> kitchen. 50%
>            of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and
> the rest
>            are plain filthy.
>
>            8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children
> until it
>            is cleared.
>
>            9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is
> a funny
>            colour and not fit to drink.
>
>            10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in
> three pieces.
>
>            11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road,
> every
>            morning at 6:00am his cock wakes me up and its now
> getting too
>            much for me.
>
>            12. The man next door has a large erection in the
> garden, which
>            is unsightly and dangerous.
>
>            13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small
> children and
>
>            would like a third so please send someone round to do
> something
>            about it.
>
>            14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and
> would you
>            please do something about the noise made by the man I
> have on top
>            of me every night.
>
>            15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the
> job and
>            satisfy my wife.
>
>            16. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor
> six times
>            but I still have had no satisfaction.
>
>            17. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my
> back passage has fungus in it.
>
>            18. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole
> house and I
>            just can't take it any more.

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