Greetings,

             It sounds very much as right along with CP issues some of you
are dealing with abuse issues. There is nothing about having CP that should
require accepting abuse regardless from home it comes. Each one of us has a
right to be treated with dignity and respect - it is not a reflection on us
when we are not - it is a reflection on the person doing the abusing. There
is nothing wrong with not being able to walk - or walk like grace in action.
There is something wrong with someone who belittles an adult or a child for
this or any other reason. That person has a problem and you need to assign
the problem to the person and not yourself. There are tons of dysfunctional
people walking around some of them abused themselves. Abuse is a cycle but
it can be ended. It hard work to overcome a bad self image and low
self-esteem. We tend to as children accept our parents word as law. They are
human and subject to the stupidities as everyone else. This does not excuse
their behavior.

          If you have been battered or verbally abused I would suggest
reading up on abuse. Toxic Parents is a good book, be prepared to be upset.
I had chapters I read a bit at a time becasue I would be so upset. When I
saw the Burning Bed movie and him beating her on the kitchen floor - it was
a scene right out of my life and I couldn't handle it and went and hide in
the bathroom. It is an ugly topic, and it a hard one to work thru. It causes
depression. It causes suicide, alcoholism, drug abuse and withdrawl. It can
be overcome. It isn't easy, and it is a one step forward - two steps back
process, and failure sometimes no matter how small can bring it all back. An
unkind word from someone can bring it back. There are people who look for
your weakness and then attack if they have preceived themselved attacked,
slightly or what ever reason they may have. That is devastating but happens.
If it happens to someone who has been abused it can be the straw that breaks
them.

         There are lots of steps to work thru - acceptance, anger - fury
actually, is more like it - what you are working toward is making peace with
it and moving beyond it. The important thing to hang onto - is its not your
fault - you didn't do anything to cause this. Its important not to get stuck
in the victim phase. Its easy to feel sorry for yourself. Its okay to have a
bad day. Its okay to whine and feel sorry for yourself sometimes as long as
you don't get stuck there. It is important to have a safe place to be able
to express this. Without being able to express this - its hard to move
beyond it. It is important to valid people feelings even they seem
repetetive - they are asking for help and acceptance. When people are
struggling with issues - they need the little extra care we can provide -
sometimes  in our hurt reaching out to another can help us as much as it
does the other person. It doesn't matter if they aren't just like you what
matters is they hurt and you can help. There is a lot of pyschology involved
and damaged people are sometimes their own worst enemies - some people hide
it - some people rub your nose in it whining others rub your nose in it in
defiance. All of them are asking for acceptance and expecting the rejection
they are use to.

         It should be fairly obvious I have have a long struggle with the
recovery from being abused, and some days I win and some days I lose. What I
don't do is pass it on to my child. I ask Amber how she felt about the CP
and she said it was annoying. I ask how was it annoying - well she trips
when she walks and her foot drags, or her fingers and toes twitch at just
the wrong moment, or she drops everything she is holding, etc. She also
pointed out she has always been this way and doesn't know differently so its
not so bad.

       And now to address the mirror issue. Boy did I relate, I have a
problem with mirrors myself. I never thought about it until I had what was a
strange incident - I am a people watcher - so one day I got in an elevator -
a mirrored one and was looking at the people thru their reflections and
paused and thought gee what pretty lady that blonde is - then I realized I
was looking at myself. Then all I saw where the things that where wrong.
That made a powerful impression on me and how I felt and preceived myself. I
still am not friends with the mirrors, and still only look in them for
specifics - like putting on my face, or checking a dress fit and I still
mainly see what wrong but sometimes I catch of glimpse of the pretty lady.
Its hard to fix a damaged self imagine. After reading the last posts on
this - I had lunch with a gentleman who had never seen me - only a picture.
Over lunch - he said the picture didn't do me justice - I was beautiful just
short of breath taking - my thoughts went - he needs glasses. But I checked
the mirror afterwards trying to see what he saw - feeling really sillly - I
still think he needs glasses but at least - what looked back wasn't the
gargoyle I see sometimes. Amber is beautiful ( for that matter so is Joy's
daughter - just exquiste ). I ask Amber how her self image and she said fine
and I ask if she say her beauty when she looked in the mirror and she said
most of the time. Whew!!!

         Anyone who wants to talk to me about this on or off list - please
feel free.

                                           Trisha