In a message dated 02/18/2000 5:30:28 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

<< You know, my kids don't need me to be a pal or a buddy.  That's what other
  kids are for.  There's plenty of time for being "best friends" when they are
  grown.  What they need is for me to be a dad--a role model, a teacher, a
  disciplinarian that, yes, "lays down the law". >>

 I agree with you 100% Kyle.  I already had a best friend before I had my
 children. I did not need to go out and conceive a child to fulfill that role.
  Would be very sad if that was the case, if you think about it.


 Joanne
 [log in to unmask]
  >>
I agree with both of you but I agree with Trisha too -- I don't think there
has to be one or the other.  Amber is a child you can take anywhere.  She is
polite and well mannered.  They are definitely friends, but Trisha is the
authority in their home, and Amber recognizes that.

I am only realizing this now while I am writing this post, but my Dad and I
had the same relationship that Amber and her Mom have.  There was some
overlap and the lines were not strictly enforced, but in the final analysis,
My Dad was my Dad and I was in submission to him.  That was made clear to me.
 I've seen children who run their homes -- is that what you mean?  They seem
to have equal authority -- no, actually they have the sole authority and
dictate the terms.  Amber doesn't dictate the terms of their home, and
neither did I.  But she has, and I had some input in things appropriate for
our age level.

This other thing of being best friends with your child seems like something
different.  I can say that my Dad was my best friend, or Amber can say that
her Mom is her best friend, but the difference is that this feeling isn't
engendered by some unfulfilled need of our parents.  It isn't an adult
relationship forced upon the child.  I really thing they are two separate
things, only some of the words are the same.