Trisha Cummings <[log in to unmask]> wrote:


[snip]

There have been an awful lot of posts recently on parenting and
smacking, and whereas I have never felt the need to practice it
on my children, I do not think it is such a "big thing". What is
important is that you are always consistent. That the punishment
you "threaten" is always carry out.

There is no point at all in threatening a punishment which you
(and the child) knows you will not carry out. I have heard
Mother's say "If you do that again Santa will bring no toys this
Xmas" (this in August), and the kid just grins and does it anyway
because he "knows" the threat is inappropriate and will not
happen.

If the child knows that the punishment for a certain behaviour is
a slap on the legs, then a slap on the legs should be what is
received - there should be no anger. I was smacked several times
at school, slippers, hairbrush, ruler, cane, were all used at
different times, but I always "knew" that would be the result (if
I got caught!) so to me it seemed fair.

To state that smacking (or lack of it) is somehow related to IQ
is rather strange, as if a high IQ makes someone less violent.

There is one thing which I really would like your input on with
regard to parenting, I'd love to know how you lot cope with the
following:-

As a parent it is our job to make sure our kids come to no
physical harm. I often see Dad's "hovering" underneath climbing
frames, trees, etc. while little Johnny is doing a fearless
Tarzan act. Now, due to my disability, I am unlikely to be able
to do this safety net job. If little Johnny falls out of the tree
one of three things could happen:-

   I could miss Johnny completely.

   I could miss Johnny completely, lose my balance and fall on
   top of him with 10 stone.

   I could miss Johnny completely, lose my balance and fall on
   Frankie (someone elses little boy - and His Dad's a lot bigger
   than me!!)

For this reason I have always told my kids that I will not catch
them if they fall. Even such things as walking along the top of a
low wall where they wan't someone to hold their hand for balance,
I refused. I did not forbid such "dangerous" activities just that
they were on their "own".

This has had interesting effects:-

   Initially they were very conservative in what they would
   attempt.

   They soon exceeded their peers in hand/eye coordination.

   They all have a very strong sense of independence based on
   their confidence in being able to handle situations on their
   own.

Just wondered if any other CP parents had similar situations.

I suppose the same situation applies in reverse to the parents of
CPers on the list:-

When do you remove that safety net?

I remember my Mum saying that when I was  8 or 9 she'd see me in
the back garden trying to climb the garden fence after my sister
and all her friends into the orchard next door, and knowing that
even if I got to the top my technique for getting down was just
to let go. Rather than rush out and lift me over she go away from
the window and start dusting, one ear straining for the sound
that signalled I had managed to hit the clump of nettles that
always acted like a magnet.

I really admired her for that.

--
Deri James